Daughter wants to take my new tent to festival

[givemestrength123]

DD18 wants to take my new tent - unused to a festival for her friends for 5 days before I have used it to take my younger children away in holiday. She has her own tent but is 'not big enough', mine is. I have said she can take it but I will have to buy a new one as she can't guarantee it won't be trashed. She comes back on Monday we are camping on Wednesday. She has said she will replace the tent if gets ruined but has now asked me to buy food for her festival as she can't afford it.
Since she got paid at the end of the month she's bought 5/ 6 new tops, bags, trousers, shorts for the festivals.

I don't want to go camping with children in a tent which has been slept in for 5 days by random teenagers doing god alone knows what.

I have said she can take the tent but I can't buy the food as I will have to buy another tent. Or she takes her tent back that she's loaned out and I buy the food.

She's now loudly sobbing in her room texting me she can't go now because I won't buy her food.

I have just had a text she's going to clear the cupboards at home to take.

Hmm. I’ve been to many festivals over the last 20+ years and I wouldn’t let her take the new tent.

That said, I do understand why she wants a tent she can share with her friends. It will be more fun, and as a young woman on her own she might feel vulnerable sleeping by herself (although I’m sure she’d never admit that!). Tent robberies etc in the middle of the night do happen.

So maybe as a compromise you could help find a second hand bigger tent for £20 or so on gumtree or marketplace, on the premise that she pays you for it next time she is paid?

And yes I’d help her out with some food (unless she normally buys her own food for home). Festival food is bloody expensive and it’s better she is lining her stomach with something if she’s drinking and/or taking drugs.

Horrified that people Leave tents behind!
Lazy, rude, disrespectful behaviour.
I'll just leave my crap for someone else to clear up entitled idiots!

Do not let her take the new tent, you brought it for you holiday , she would have taken the other tent and made do if you hadn't.
Crying and sulking at 18!

bluntness people falling into it as well

Potentially yes it could be completely cleaned and dried but OP has a 2 day turn around and that's not enough time to clean and air out a tent, especially when it's a lazy, hungover 18 yr old doing it

Also trust me when I say puke smell that has been festering in a warm tent is not that easy to just hose down

I wouldnt give her food either, surely at 18 if you want to go to festivals you have to buy your own food! The DD has a job and OP provides food for her at home. This is a holiday, she is perfectly capable of paying for the food but has chosen to spend this money on clothes.

Ah just seen your post about her already owing you money - in which case a second hand tent (plus other money owed) could be her Christmas present? And tell her to suck it up when she’s pouting on Xmas day that she has no presents.

You have said she can borrow the tent though. So I would say that has to stand. But food? No chance.

Also just to add, if she’s going to Boomtown it’s 99.9% likely that she WILL be taking drugs. It’s quite edgy there, I certainly wouldn’t want my 18 year old dd sleeping by herself there, and I’m very lax about wrapping kids up in cotton wool. Plus, if she’s off her tits and takes a turn for the worse it’s better she’s not in a tent by herself.

Her tent is a 4 man tent but only one room and she doesn't want to share a room.

The tent has to survive one drug fuelled festival to then survive a second - good luck to your daughter op

She's had a melt down at her brother because he won't lend her a charge pack - she has 4. Because last week she borrowed his sliders, lost them, said she would replace them, then when he wouldn't stop playing xbox one night she said she wouldn't replace them. Also didn't even give him a card for his birthday last weekend because she was still punishing him.

In her room sobbing loudly?! Jesus. She needs to get a bloody grip! Surely she's too young mentally to be going to festivals unaccompanied if this is how she behaves?

Tbh she's taking the royal piss and has just assumed you'll foot the bill judging by the stuff she's spunked her money on. Tell her if she can't afford to eat then she can't afford to go, end of.

Ps I hope the festival isn't Reading...

To be fair a four man tent is only really big enough for one person at a festival - 2 people plus all their stuff is a squeeze. Especially as it’s not like camping where you can go and get changed etc in the shower block, it all has to happen in your tent.

That tent will get trashed. It doesn't even matter if she's careful with it. Other drunk festival goers will crash into it, steal the tent pegs, piss on it. Do not lend her your tent!

She does sound like a bit of a dick overall. Maybe suggest she sells her boomtown ticket in order to be able to get the tent she wants and enough food and booze for reading?

Yanbu. She needs to grow up.

All this hatred for a girl you lot have never met.
What on earth happened to loving our kids and enjoying their presence in the world?

My oldest ds(18 at the time) took our decent family size tent to Leeds fest and it didn't come home in a condition I would be happy to use it in! Hosed it down and he took it again the following year after which it went to the tip.. It isn't just the people using it but also the misc drunk drugged etc falling into them, cig burns and bodily fluids 😷

Oh she's just told me she actually has £130.

I give up!

So my suggestion was we go and she buys the £80 tent out of Argos, I give her some cash for the food. She gets her mates to chip in and that'll be £20 each for the tent. But no not good enough.

Stop pandering to her. She's a brat. Let her sort her own shit out.

Eh... has she always behaved like This? What have you don't to teach her that she needs to take control of her own life?

When I was 18, I went to my first festival. I bought my own tent. I still remember it was £149.99. I had to buy a rucksack, sleeping bag, roll mat etc etc. I paid for my own tickets and paid for all my own atuff whilst there and arranged my own travel. It didn't even cross my mìnd to ask my parents for any of the stuff. I still have all that camping stuff because, even at a festival, my friends and I took care of our stuff.

@SummerInTheVillage doing exactly that.

Your daughter sounds like an absolute horror, who has been encouraged to be so because she and her behaviour have been overly indulged. Time to let her grow up.

Ask her what she thinks is reasonable?

She wants you to give her your tent and buy her a load of food?

You want her to take her own tent and will give her food.

There must be a compromise somewhere?

Why is it her sole responsibility to find a tent for all of her mates?

She's in for a nasty surprise when she gets to uni...

Hopefully this is the last summer of her being an arse.

Take your tent to a friends house so she can't take it.

She's burned through the best part of £400 in less than a week? Massive piss take!

Say no and stick to it. Say clearly that she is not taking the tent and that she can return some of the clothes if she is short of spends. Remind her she already owes you £200 and you have just paid her hall fees.

Do not have any further conversations about it after that. Nada, nothing. Do not let her suck you back in.
Every time she mentions the festivals just say 'I won't discuss this again' and shut it down.

Not in a million years. She needs a basic one that she can just use for events like these not your family tent. I wouldn't risk it.