Daughter wants to take my new tent to festival

[givemestrength123]

DD18 wants to take my new tent - unused to a festival for her friends for 5 days before I have used it to take my younger children away in holiday. She has her own tent but is 'not big enough', mine is. I have said she can take it but I will have to buy a new one as she can't guarantee it won't be trashed. She comes back on Monday we are camping on Wednesday. She has said she will replace the tent if gets ruined but has now asked me to buy food for her festival as she can't afford it.
Since she got paid at the end of the month she's bought 5/ 6 new tops, bags, trousers, shorts for the festivals.

I don't want to go camping with children in a tent which has been slept in for 5 days by random teenagers doing god alone knows what.

I have said she can take the tent but I can't buy the food as I will have to buy another tent. Or she takes her tent back that she's loaned out and I buy the food.

She's now loudly sobbing in her room texting me she can't go now because I won't buy her food.

I have just had a text she's going to clear the cupboards at home to take.

I can’t believe people just leave their tents at festivals!

Do they just leave them fully pitched (no doubt filled with crap) for some poor sods to have to take down, sort out and dispose of?

Fantastic environment-saving stuff.

@FermatsTheorem not arguing with you at all but I thought they didn't stop this shit till their brains fully form at 25?

Please don't use thus to excuse her behaviour. I wasn't allowed to act this way at 8 let alone 18.

Don't buy her a tent.
Don't buy her food.
Don't lend her any more money.
Hide your lovely new tent where she definitely can't find it

She's 18, she needs to learn to budget with her earnings

“Her tent is a 4 man tent but only one room and she doesn't want to share a room.”

LOL; she is preposterous 😂

Coffee that's absolutely spot on as a point.

Adolescent hormones may explain bad behaviour, but that doesn't mean that it's acceptable, or that adults just have to put up with it.

They can throw a complete wobbly - your job as adult is to take a deep breath, think "hormones, don't react emotionally yourself" then say "your behaviour is unacceptable, and I'm not pandering to it." Then walk away from the situation if necessary and leave them to rage away on their own.

not arguing with you at all but I thought they didn't stop this shit till their brains fully form at 25?
That's bollocks. 16/17 is old enough to understand how to behave properly. Most 25 year olds have full time jobs, many are married and/or have children and live away from home. 18-25 year olds do not have toddler tantrums when they dont get their own way.

@BeanBag7 fair point I had a career and 2 kids at 25. Clearly I am making more excuses for her bad behaviour.

As horrendous as her behaviour is, I do wonder how close/secure she is with these friends? Has she been landed with getting a tent big enough for them all? Does she think that if she doesn’t provide this they might ditch her?

not arguing with you at all but I thought they didn't stop this shit till their brains fully form at 25?

Many of us were married, with our own mortgages, bills, kids by 25. Whose parents would put up with that shit til then . At 18 she should have more respect for you and the family. Do not give her the tent and let her sort her own food. She needs to learn some manners.

I wouldn't be giving her anything. She can sort her own shit out if she's going to be an entitled brat.

@Blueemeraldagain no I don't think she feels insecure around them. She seems to rule them with an iron rod too. Possibly she like to act the big I am. I will bring the tent etc.

@AngelasAshes "AngelasAshes

? What?
Do you not feed your DD18 when she is at home? Why does she have to buy her own food? My 18yr old just finished A levels, still lives at home, has two jobs but I still bloody well feed her. If she were going camping, I’d give her money to buy food. That is just parental responsibility. You feed your kids"

There's one thing providing food at home.

But to provide food for a holiday? You'd really expect to pay for your 18yo meals out if they went on holiday without you? What about if they're going out to dinner fora mates birthday? You give them money for that??

And if they're working 2 jobs, why in earth would you be providing all their food for them???

I "lent" DS my brand new tent for some festival. Never saw it again. Dumped on site. I was furious!

Why does she think crying and threatening will result in her getting her own way?

Well, if it’s worked for 18 years, why stop now...

Don’t give her your tent .... she needs a tiny cheap one that you won’t mind her trashing.

DD went to reading last year and for some bizarre reason decided to transport some of her food and drink in the tent bag ....... there was an unfortunate incident with a curry pot noodle and a bottle of cider

Wow this thread is an eye opener and I go to a lot of festivals!

Don't let her take the tent, she has one she can fit in with a mate and some stuff, I would also be letting her know that if it doesn't come back with her she will need to buy another for the second festival. (as an aside I'm horrified at the number of people who think it's normal behaviour to leave tents at festivals, they don't all get rescued and recycled, the waste is disgusting!)

I'd supply her with some basic food that doesn't need cooking, and I wouldnt be debating about anything further.

OP, your DD reminds me of my DSis at that age. She booked to go to a festival and decided she wanted to use my backpack. I gave in to this as couldn’t stand the bullying and shouting (parents told me to just let her take it and give us all some peace) She was then incredibly rude and abusive to me just before leaving. Walked upstairs and upended all her festival possessions on her bedroom floor and told her to learn some manners. The tantrum was a wonder to see, I enjoyed it a lot.

Apparently the festival was shite as well.

Incidentally I thought the drill was to burn your tent at the end of festivals.

My ds 18 has just set off for a festival. He won't even take his own tent as it was a present and too nice. He and another strapping lad will be squeezing into a tiny two man tent we bought from the tip about 5 years ago!
I have bought him food and lent him money as he doesn't have enough saved, but it's written in big letters on the fridge and I expect it to be paid back!

Stay strong and just remember however horrid she is to you your lovely tent will not be like these ones left behind at Reading, but sith you on a lovely civilised camping trip.

I'm lending DS my big tent for boomtown. Weather forecast is crap and they'll need the extra space.

He said he'll bring it back but I've said if it get ruined not to worry - it's 5 years old and rarely gets used anymore.

If it was new I'd be less keen tbh

Just to put into perspective OP, I'm not too far past 18 and went to many festivals, and I wouldn't have even dreamed of even ASKING my mum if I could take (and trash) her new unused tent.

So for your DD to then have the gall to spit the dummy out and act as she is, is awful and NOT normal!

I'm sorry, I'd never be so rude but your daughter is a massive brat...

If you're struggling to stick up for yourself just remember you're not doing her any favours saying yes, you're not shaping her into a well rounded grateful gracious human by rewarding tantrums. Tbh I'd have had a slap and serious reality check if I'd done that and I've never been hit! more than once or twice and deservingly so

What pathetic behaviour from an 18 year old, she sounds ridiculously spoiled and entitled. Loudly sobbing? How immature.

God OP you need to kick this child up the ass and tell her she can live in her bloody tent till uni if she keeps on with the shitty attitude!!

Tbh I’d be tempted to film one of these tantrums and out it on Snapchat myself!

(JK - or am I ....)

From your updates it seems you are behind her awful behaviour. Stop making excuses for her, and start parenting her. This pathetic attitude is not going to help her in the long run.