AIBU to not struggle financially

[billsnewhat]

Good morning fellow mumsnetters. Last yr we were left some money by an elderly relative it isnt a life changing amount but we both agreed this money would take the pressure off slightly. 18 months on and my DJ has decided that this money is not to be touched we paid off the mortgage and the rest is to be saved for retirement as my husband wants to retire at 50 which is 4 yrs time. He has now working overtime at work to make extra money to live and is absolutely exhausted and I have a £20 budget for the summer holidays. He says the kids eat his money and I spoil them by spending money on taking them out for a daily walk and a trip to the park should suffice no swimming or cinema as we can't afford it - the thing is we can afford it and it annoys me that we are struggling when we don't need to. No holiday either as we can't afford it - AiBU he has always been money savvy hence why we have a nice house in a nice area as he bought his first house at 19 by saving and managing his money from 14! His sister tells me he spent no money for 5 years as it was his dream to own his own house before he was 20. Every spare moment at moment is spent moving money from account to account to get the right rate. AIBU to think we should the enjoy money a bit more?

He seems to set goals and keep them (house by 20, got one by 19). So I imagine that’s what he’s challenging himself to do again. That’s his goal to do what he told everyone he would.
Even if he retired at 50+11 months that’s still ‘retiring at 50’. And those extra few months may give you a bit more leeway?

I don’t know anyone who retired at 50. It’s a bit unrealistic tbh. But if I could too I totally would.
What does he see himself doing? Has he hobbies? Could it be that he’ll retire, be bored, and end up going back to work so all this retirement stuff is just going to be extra hard for you all for four years for nothing?

He wants to retire at 50. Sod the kids, eh

A goal of early retirement is fine but I don’t think that’s realistic at the ages your kids are. Most people can’t retire with a 15 year old. If he’s 46, 56 would still be early but your 11 year old would be 21 and nearly done with uni. His dream of very early retirement shouldn’t be st the expense of having a nice life as a family when you have a choice.

My dad had to retire early due to ill health and I knew we had less until his pensions kicked in and it was quite tough. They prioritised me though and I only really appreciate that now with hindsight.

What has him retiring at 50 have to do with his dc going to uni?
I don't get it, tbh.
here's nothing stopping them, and once again what about the parents who can't afford uni, we couldn't but it won't stop two of ours going.

If he retires at 50, is he expecting the wife to work full time ?
Or is he expecting himself & the wife to retire at 50 ?

Lots of jobs now require a degree, which previously didn't like police, nurse etc

At 18 the children can decide for themselves if they want to go to uni.
If required they can work part time & study
If necessary they can go with no parental support, there have been some articles in news about students in this situation recently

If he is going to retire at 50
I'd want to see the predicted budget per day, week, month
If you had a spare room, you could rent that out etc

I have some plans for retirement, lots of travel. I've already started while I'm working, so I know some of the costs involved & I have pension, savings, etc

What has him retiring at 50 have to do with his dc going to uni?

Not so much about uni, more the fact that he's fine and dandy with the dc missing out on normal - most would say, lifelong - experiences of childhood. That's is not to say that a lot of things cannot be done for free, or at very minimal expense. They can, though in this day and age, just about everything's costs.

Well this took a sinister turn. I can't believe your op is about how you wish to spend as you see fit when something as major as your husband wishing to deny his own children a uni education is also on the table. Everything else pales into insignificance past that.

You should enourage your children to reach their potential. And to be happy.

My daughter studied law, she is starting her training contract with a huge global law firm next summer, by the age of 26/27 she will in on triple figures as a commercial lawyer. Her call. Her uni debt will be paid off fast and was worth every penny ,it's what she wishes to do. She's happy as a pig in shit.

But according to your husband your kids don't get that option. It's his decision, not theirs? Or does he think my daughter made a mistake? She should have been happy on an average wage in a semi skilled job she hates just like he hates his job?

I'd walk over that. As much as I think you should be working, and I'm appalled you posted about trivialities of your fun money when your own husband is threatening your children's futures, shocks me. Condemning them to a life of hating their jobs like he hates his.

As said for me rhat would be a relarionship ender. And hopefullly your children are able to do what they want,without either of yours support or interference.

Some people have jobs they absolutely love

Lucky them! I've liked most of my jobs well enough but work takes up SO much bloody time when you could be doing other more fun stuff.

Go work FT. See a solicitor. See several until you get a real Rottweiler. File for divorce on unreasonable behaviour and get your fair share of the lot and child maintenance. Imagine the freedom of not living with a selfish cunt whose own needs come before everyone else's and who has only one view of the word or showing your children this example of a shit relationship with a miser. FFS, a walk and a trip to the park for a 13 and 11 year old so Dad can sit on the Golden Egg. Miserable AF.

I must admit I'm the same age and would love to retire! Fat chance. I think you are both right and wrong . He just is thrifty. As for university it's the kids choice

I agree, Bluntness about uni. My own daughter chose the Forces and received training in there, her choice, but my son is off to uni. I slightly disagree with the fun money because I think fun money is really important for family, but hey, I'd go to work FT to provide it and get rid of the miser with a slice of the assets.

DH is 50 . We're aiming for early retirement before he reaches 60 which would be doing well imo. We plan to do much more travelling once we're not restricted by the shackles of the academic year.Our youngest is 12 and we're hoping to have the option to work less in 5 yrs' time and definitely work far less within a decade's time. DH's defined contributions pension pot may come close to the lifetime allowance if it still exists in 10 yrs' time at which point he will start drawdowns from it. The men on his side of the family have all died by their mid 60's - he may prove to be the exception to the rule or he may not...Personally, I would sacrifice some of the live for now moments for the option to semi retire early.

My DC are both out - DC1(15) is cycling about with a gaggle of local friends (free!) DC2(12) is hosting a friend on a sleepover - they're in the park with ice creams from home. Summer holidays can be as cheap or as expensive as you make them. I reckon £20 pw is probably what I've spent on extra supermarket ice creams, drinks, snacks and food in general to tide the DC and some of their friends over during the long summer holidays. Still cheaper than the cinema or a day out!

Fortunately his dc can completely ignore his ridiculous views on university education, and we can only hope they do!

I just can't get my head round thr fact this thread is about petty arguments about fun money when this absolute and utter idiot is limiting his own children, trying to dictate that they cannot go to uni, like in some way that's his decision.

Telling them no, they can't be doctors, lawyers, accountants, nurses, teachers, historians, scientists, police officers, even an archaeologist. They can't be what they want to be, they have to limit themselves to what he wants. When the debt isn't even his. It's theirs.

Their lives. Their choices, children should be encouraged, instead they will hear their own father, dictating they can't go. It's not for them. Even though it's not his decision. His life.

I would leave over a view like that. You don't support our children, then you can fuck off out of it.

‘What has him retiring at 50 have to do with his dc going to uni?
I don't get it, tbh.’

Because most people (if they can afford it) factor in they their children are probably still financially dependent on them to a certain degree as students. Even if they don’t financially support them (as they should according to SLC) there are still likely to be back at home for a good chunk of the year. By retiring at 50, he will have a reduced income while his youngest is only 15 and that is an age they will be quite expensive. If he is tight now while earning, he’s only going to get tighter in retirement.

what about the parents who can't afford uni, we couldn't but it won't stop two of ours going.

A parent who can afford but it wont is a bigger problem. The loans and bursaries take parental income (or lack of it) into account; they don't cover parents who could contribute but wont.

And a parent who resents his children's ambition and sees it as nothing but a drain on him is lowering his children's aspirations.

Yes I’d be pooping my pants op - he’s moaning about holiday spending now, and he’s not retired. Your dh is not factoring in anything for university as he doesn’t believe in it so no need to plan on one or both of them wanting to go - incredibly self serving. You need better options and so do your dc. I’d worry his dumb views on university will get too much respect in your house because you are ‘only’ part time.

And a parent who resents his children's ambition and sees it as nothing but a drain on him is lowering his children's aspirations

Agree, if you are hearing it's not for you. It's too expensive, you're not doing it, many kids will follow that,

He should be saying, as should rhe op, what do you want to do.how can we help you achieve it.

How do we know he will be able to afford it when he retires. I disagree that you should make your life decisions in favour of your dc post 18 tbh, so disagree with a lot of this.
Yes, take them into consideration but it's your life and the start of independence for the children.
The kids will make their own minds up anyway, so his or anyone else's won't matter.

If he is tight now while earning, he’s only going to get tighter in retirement.

I think so too, so the OP's worries about "fun money" are not so trivial either. The children may leave home one way or another but she'll be stuck with him.

They might not feel they can make their own minds up if they are not encouraged to study or further themselves or achieve their potential or follow the path they want when their father is not supportive.

I'm totally on the same mindset than your OH, so totally get where he is coming from. Thankfully, so is my OH and my kids. One is at Uni but studying for a degree thst will definitely lead her to a good career. The youngest agrees that they are better routes to à good career than going to Uni so probably won't go.

If my OH worked only 20 hours but moaned about me not wanting to spend the inheritance I go from my relatives for the purprose of their entertainment, I'd be livid. Step up your search for a permanent full time role and then you can spend all the extra doing what you want. By then, you might too want to retire as early as possible.

I can totally see your OH's point of view. Early retirement is a goal for us so we're making sacrifices now. Kids don't need loads of money spent on them to have fun and enjoy life.

If you want to spend lots of money on them, work more hours and earn it yourself!

So at some point you and he have had a conversation where HE made the decision you would only spend £20 per week?

That's more worrying than anything else imo.

I agree with the uni point to a certain degree. Too many graduates working in supermarkets and entry office jobs. Why? Their degree was not needed.

A degree for a specific career or a highly academic one that can open doors, that is worthwhile.

The rest of it is just selling a lie to today's youth and I include my generation in this, ie under forties or early forties and younger. The mid and late 90s was when uni education really took off.

Maybe he is following the fire movement. Lots do, he does sound a bit miserable but if he hates his job then maybe that's why?

Op you know him, does he hate his job? Is he sick of working?