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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

999 replies

Lycidas · 05/08/2019 23:15

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LatteLove · 06/08/2019 22:39

You cannot have it both ways! You say you want to freely breastfeed? Fine but then exclude men when you want?

This makes no sense. Have what “both ways”?

HappyHammy · 06/08/2019 22:39

wouldn't it be great if there were separate quiet feeding areas for babies that were curtained off and private, mums could bf, dads or mums could bottle feed, baby would be quiet and warm. why is it ok for dads to be expected to bottle feed in a busy cafe.

LatteLove · 06/08/2019 22:42

why is it ok for dads to be expected to bottle feed in a busy cafe

What on Earth is not OK about feeding a baby in a cafe? Confused I bottle fed mine in cafes all the time!

ElizaPancakes · 06/08/2019 22:45

@teachandsleep one of the more stupid things I’ve ever read.

Breastfeeding rooms weren’t built because the precious women wanted a room away. They were were built because some women feel uncomfortable and some women are made to feel uncomfortable by (in the main) men.

It’s a room for women breastfeeding their babies. Men shouldn’t go in. Women who are bottle feeding should ideally not go in. Yes they are feeding their baby but no one judges a bottle feeding mother and makes comments about boobs being out or it being unsanitary or inappropriate or whatever. No one has been asked to vacate themselves to the toilet to bottle feed a baby.

poopookeechoo · 06/08/2019 22:45

teachandsleep Tue 06-Aug-19 22:36:54
You cannot have it both ways! You say you want to freely breastfeed? Fine but then exclude men when you want?

Damn right - far the hard of thinking (that'd be you)

A religious mother who doesn't feel comfortable having her breasts exposed in the company of a man.

An abused woman who doesn't feel comfortable having her breasts exposed in the company of a man.

Or just a woman who feels vulnerable to have her breasts exposed in front of a man.

And that man's right trumps these women's to have a tiny curtained off space in a 'feeding room' for privacy?

You're unhinged.

LatteLove · 06/08/2019 22:47

And that man's right trumps these women's to have a tiny curtained off space in a 'feeding room' for privacy?

Yeah, but sometimes “the baby wants him there” so that must make it alright then eh

Fuma · 06/08/2019 22:56

I am amazed at the baby telling you she likes having daddy sit in the breastfeeding area with you. Was that before or after she said what she wanted to watch on telly that night and what her thoughts on North Korea were?

Fuma · 06/08/2019 22:56

"Dave. Baby wants a Twix."

poopookeechoo · 06/08/2019 23:00

This thread is really depressing - thankfully it's a small minority but still - I can't believe that any woman could argue, just because they are 'happy' to have men in a 'breastfeeding private space' they can't empathise that other mothers could want privacy - a bloody curtain fgs in a baby room - and the angst that the men aren't allowed in there and the ridiculous mansplaining that's been done.

How dare you negate the feelings of other women because you are ok BF in front of men while some of us aren't. We are not sexist, we are not trying to deny men the ability to feed their children in comfortable places. What we are saying is that no, I'm not not comfortable breastfeeding in front of a male - that the curtained off area should be for women only and those who argue against that are disgusting and me, me, me

Flashingsilver · 06/08/2019 23:07

Years ago, the Mothercare in a busy shopping centre had a Mother’s Feeding room, it was quite clearly signed, some chairs etc, and I was in there with my first baby, in her first weeks of life, to change and feed, or attempt to. I think I’d changed her, and was attempting to feed, when a man strode in, I don’t know what for, but I was in tears, as I righted my clothes, put the baby back in the pushchair, and set off for the car park to try again, in the privacy of the car, with a muslin cloth to hide under.
I was embarrassed and very upset.
It had been a hard birth, and feeding a new baby isn’t easy.
I never fed in public, and I hadn’t meant to this time either, and I never did again.
I was heartbroken, embarrassed and upset that I couldn’t feed my baby at the time, without unwanted people turning up.

poopookeechoo · 06/08/2019 23:19

but you don't matter flashing? just like I don't matter being a mother who didn't feel confident and felt, admittedly wrongly so, feeding in public. My son was a wriggler wherby no matter how I tried by boob would be exposed - I always hid in toilets or in changing rooms to feed him as I did feel uncomfortable feeding in public - yes that's my issue I agree, but I absolutely sought out the specific breastfeeding space in a little private shop when I was out shopping - if son had cried for a feed in town - I would have went home rather than feed in public. That does NOT make me sexist - that means I'm not comfortable feeding in public for MY reasons. I would never say my reasons to feed in private would mean that all mothers should - think on to those who think we should

Shutupanddance1 · 06/08/2019 23:26

YANBU - they should have feeding rooms separate from toilet facilities as well. Hated feeding my baby in rooms with that horrid smell of nappies.

OccasionalKite · 07/08/2019 00:04

From reading this thread:
There is demand for mothers' breastfeeding areas where men are not allowed.

The whole of the rest of the world is open and free for all those women and their men who do not require a dedicated mothers' breastfeeding area, and who believe that their man should be there for every single breastfeed, wherever it may be and regardless of other women's safety, privacy and dignity.

There is a need to address better facilities for women with disabilities who are breastfeeding.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 07/08/2019 00:10

Oh dear it seems that some of us women are just wanting too much

Fancy wanting to be able to feed anywhere which some women will be happy doing so and wanting to feed in private with no males around which some women will find that is what she is most comfortable with

How spoilt we have become Hmm

I dread to think what some of us might demand next

JazzyGG · 07/08/2019 00:12

My Intu has private cubicles with curtains. This would be ideal in JL but so would men being a bit more sensitive!

Straightalkinggal · 07/08/2019 00:13

Yet it’s ok for mothers to breastfeed I. Public areas such as restaurants and buses?

jennymanara · 07/08/2019 00:30

Where I work has a small private lockable room for women to breastfeed or express. Baby changing is in the toilets. And you can always find somewhere quiet to bottle feed. No need to do it in the middle of the shop floor.

Enclume · 07/08/2019 00:35

@Fuma Grin

"Daddy, I'm concerned that there is not enough money in the budget for Mummy to have hair extensions and brow shaping done."

WeirdAndPissedOff · 07/08/2019 00:47

@ Straightalkinggal
Yes. It's not a binary choice, where either all women must breastfeed in public, or else none. Women should be free to breastfeed anywhere they would be able to bottle feed, without fear of judgement or being moved along. However plenty of women will still not feel comfortable BF in front of strangers, so where public places have provided rooms for breastfeeding mothers the privacy of these should be respected.

EdtheBear · 07/08/2019 00:48

I'm actually curious as to what John Lewis would make of this thread.

Banjodancer · 07/08/2019 01:00

I've fed pretty much anywhere I happened to be when the baby was hungry. In a sling walking round the supermarket, for example. I don't expect there to be a feeding room but if a business chooses to appeal to a section of its customers by having one, more power to them. I am happy for other women to have the opportunity, even if I didn't want to use it.

iwunderwhy · 07/08/2019 01:03

Bravo OP for raising this, especially since Mums are still being ostracised for public feeding. Its similar to shopping for bra's in M&S, sometimes a dozen men hanging around the racks and changing rooms....disgusting.

WTF are they doing in the breastfeeding room when they're not and will never be breastfeeding? The wives / GF don't need their help to get the boob out no matter what they say. Bloody peeping tom's the lot of them. There I said it.

Itssosunnyout · 07/08/2019 06:25

Yabu how can we as society normalise breastfeeding if we don't allow partners in the room. I would take my sister in, if there was space so why not my husband. He doesn't sexual breastfeeding and by denying men in the room we are enforcing this belief

I go into these rooms not because it's the only place i will feed in but because it's more homely with much less distractions for my LO

OrchidInTheSun · 07/08/2019 06:34

If you want society to normalise breastfeeding, feed your baby in the cafe itssosunnyout. Your sister shouldn't be in there either.

The last time I went to a JLP feeding room there were 3 chairs. They should all be for women nursing their babies, not their mates, husbands, sisters or anyone else.

This thread has been quite the eye opener

InTheHeatofLisbon · 07/08/2019 06:38

Why is breastfeeding seen as abnormal? Confused

All these people suggesting women with their breast exposed have a duty to "normalise" breastfeeding as if it's their fault some people are so stupid they're agog at a baby being fed!

Ffs I never BF, and I can't understand why there's such a fuss about it. If a woman wants to breastfeed privately while out, there should be provision for that. It's not up to them to change ridiculous and childish attitudes, that's for the people who hold those views in the first place to do!

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