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Original poster

6 yr old DD still has a dummy

475 replies

Pyromare98 · 05/08/2019 14:45

More of a WWYD I suppose. Name change for this as I'm v.embarrassed. I must concede that my 6 year old DD still has a dummy at bedtime. I know what you must be thinking, but she is only allowed it strictly to go to sleep, it helps her wind down right before bed. She is very aware that she is far too old for it, and would be mortified if anyone found out about it, (only me, DH, her brother, and her grandparents know that she still has one.) We have tried many times to get her to give it up but it's always a massive struggle, we've had visits for the dummy fairy, and santa to take them away, we've read books about giving it up, and once we even 'forgot' it when we came back from holiday. But everytime she just gets so upset.

We saw on the one show the other night, this woman that helps children give up the dummy in five days. We watched it together and she saw children, much younger than her, give up there dummies with very little fuss. We discussed this with her, and she said that she wanted to go to bed without a dummy, starting on Sunday, (last night.) She was very excited for this, until she got into bed. She then started to sob, saying she missed her dummy, begging us to let her have it. She eventually fell asleep after 3 hours of crying, I even heard her in the night, softly sobbing. It was heartbreaking. This morning I told her how well she had done, but she just asked if she could have a dummy tonight.

DH and I are conflicted, on one hand she's way too old for it, on the other, what's the harm? It hasn't effected her teeth, as the dentist has assured me, and her speech is fantastic. One second she wants to be a big girl and give it up, which we are here to help and support her for, the next minute she just wants her dummy.
I feel so evil for not letting her have it, should I just give her the dummy?
Help.

OP posts:
Lily019 · 07/08/2019 03:06

OR, as you say your little girl appears to want to give it up, maybe just put the dummy in a container in her room within sight when she goes to bed, so you are effectively giving her control if she finds she desperately needs it. Meanwhile a little read of a book or radio turned down low til sleep gets the better of her. Tell her if she uses it a tiny bit, she must return it to the container and not keep it in her bed. Maybe a little bit too much of a softly-softly approach for those with tougher suggestions on here ( not saying those suggestions are wrong either) but thinking maybe this might work if she is too unsettled and has got herself all worked up at the prospect of losing it forever. I reckon she might get fed up of getting up and down for it once she's all snuggled in...just an idea. Good luck with whatever you decide to do though.

Italianmeringuebuttercream · 07/08/2019 08:26

Could you take her out to buy a new teddy or something to comfort her? She chooses it? When my dd struggled to sleep we got a CD player with audio books and that helped. Don't give the dummy back, you've seen that 5 days is all it takes. Good luck

SydneyAnneBristow · 07/08/2019 08:28

How did it go last night, OP?

BlueSuffragette · 07/08/2019 08:32

Hope you are ok OP. Did you stick to the plan or did you give it back to DD?

nadiia · 07/08/2019 08:44

Not sure if anybody suggested that already. My friend had a similar story so sat Christmas time she and her DD wrote a letter to Santa where DD promised to give up her dummy for a gift and asked Santa to send her dummy to other girl (with lots of details who that should be). Worked a magic.
I use similar stories with my child like potty fairy or bed fairy..

I hope you'll find the right solution for your DD

Devora13 · 07/08/2019 10:59

Different children, different needs. She will grow out of it in her own time, it's obviously fulfilling a need. We always go by 'stage, not age.' There are some good books on Amazon if you both feel you'd like to tackle this. Also check out chewelry, this might help with a transition.

Devora13 · 07/08/2019 11:03

And I think you're always going to get the tough love answers from people who know nothing about your circumstances. If she's had any kind of early life trauma (premature birth, illness, loss, post natal depression etc) she could well be using this comfort to fill in a developmental gap. Pulling the plug without in transition planning would be unnecessarily cruel.

Original poster
Pyromare98 · 07/08/2019 11:40

We let her have a dummy last night. After a lengthy discussion, we agreed that she can still have a dummy but when she decides that she's ready to give them up all the dummies are going in the bin, and not coming back.

OP posts:
ppeatfruit · 07/08/2019 11:42

Why is it ok to take a harmless (her dentist has said there are no problems) comfort away from a child?? When most adults NEED a drink or chocolate etc. etc. etc. at the end of the day? When are you going to dump those then? Alcoholsm is a nasty illness.

Funny how all the 'be tough' promoters haven't answered the above question.

ppeatfruit · 07/08/2019 11:46

Yes congratulations for having common sense when she decides Exactly good result !!!!

lmusic87 · 07/08/2019 11:49

But what if she doesn't ever want to stop OP?

jennymanara · 07/08/2019 11:55

I find this idea that all children want to stop a comfort habit naturally, a bit baffling. A habit to comfort you is harder to give up the longer it goes on, not easier.
It is different with breastfeeding because that obviously has to stop at some point. No one is breastfeeding their teenage kids.

jennymanara · 07/08/2019 11:56

ppeatfruit - Anyone who needs an alcoholic drink at the end of the day needs help to address that and break that habit. I have never seen people on MN defending that.

needanappp · 07/08/2019 12:06

But hasn't she already decided? She's said that she's embarrassed about it and doesn't want to have to go to sleepovers with it. Giving up something, even if you want to, doesn't make it any less difficult when it's a habit. If you want to give up caffeine, it doesn't mean it will be easy just because you're ready to do it.

Maybe when sleepovers come around she'll just decide she doesn't want it around her friends

Den1se · 07/08/2019 12:15

All dummies should be banned.They are disgusting and obscene.

Hmmmbop · 07/08/2019 12:31

But what if she doesn't ever want to stop OP?

Then she doesn't. I know several adult thumb suckers. Doesn't seem to bother them or stop them leaving fulfilling, meaningful lives with husbands and kids!

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 07/08/2019 12:32

I’m normally a great advocate for comfort objects (teddies, blankets, etc) at any age. And I don’t really see the point of removing a dummy from a teething toddler; they don’t understand and it’s miserable for parent and child alike. However at 6, I think you maybe should persevere. I didn’t enjoy giving up smoking, but I’m still mighty glad I did! What helped me was a change in routine, so for example I usually had a cigarette with my morning orange juice, so I skipped the OJ and broke the association. I’m just wondering if the same theory, and a change in bedtime routine might help your dd?

Hmmmbop · 07/08/2019 12:33

Den1se

You aren't trying to be goady at all are you?

Yeahnahmum · 07/08/2019 12:41

Hahaha you gave her the dummy 😂😂 let us know when you start parenting instead of babying her, op.
A 6 year old with a dummy. How embarrass ing Grin

eatanazurecrayon · 07/08/2019 12:46

Had a dummy till I was 7, at night. It's just a soother and I bet it falls out her mouth once she's sleeping. Stopped on my own. Fully functioning adult. No harm done. Make it less of a big deal and don't make her feel bad about it. She'll stop soon enough without the trauma.

escapade1234 · 07/08/2019 12:46

When my first child was a baby, several people told me that if I did choose to use a dummy then to make sure it was gone by the time you wean them onto solid food. By then the newborn instinct to suck has abated and if you carry on beyond that, you’re setting up a bad habit.

I am totally perplexed about a year 1 or 2 child who wants to suck on a rubber nipple for comfort. I feel very sorry for your DD and the upset this will cause her. It’s nit her fault at all. You could have prevented all this by removing the blasted thing (they are gross) when she was a baby and teaching her how to settle down and go to sleep. You allowed it for your own benefit and now you’re reaping what you sowed.

FilthyforFirth · 07/08/2019 12:48

Oh my god I cannot believe you gave it back! Very poor parenting on your part.

Raspberrytruffle · 07/08/2019 13:34

Dear God OP grow a pair and start acting like the parent! Shes 6 not a baby who needs to buckle at her dummy for comfort, shes told you herself its bothering her but it's an addiction and you need to be strong for her and help her, never mind saying oh definitely next time once dd no longer wants her dummy it will be binned because you know that's not true you know you will crack and go hunting for the dummy or send your dh out to the shops for a new dummy. I think you are the issue op not your dd shes asking you to help her give up something that shes hooked on.

Paperyfish · 07/08/2019 13:38

I think it’s perfectly fine you have it back. I would have too.

FirstTimeToddlerMum · 07/08/2019 13:42

I don't think you're doing her any favours. It is embarrassing for a 6 year old to have a dummy , she's not a baby or even a toddler anymore.

You've probably totally confused her by your constant back and forth over the dummy. How long do you let it go on for ? 8 ? 10 ?

I'd have taken it away and said babies have dummy's, you are not a baby therefore you won't be having the dummy. But then again I wouldn't have left it until she was 6 to deal with something most parents do at 6-12 months.

Sorry OP.

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