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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think no couple goes to bed at the same time?

462 replies

themimi · 04/08/2019 22:23

Watching a programme tonight with DH and saw another example of a couple lying in bed at night having a conversation after clearly retiring at the same time. Mentioned to DH that we never ever go to bed at the same time (I'm an early to bed early to rise person and he's the opposite). DH said that no couple does - it's just a plot device to facilitate dialogue. I think I agree and couples who go to bed at same time don't exist. Anyone out there (past honeymoon stage) who does?

OP posts:
PlaceYourItemInTheBaggingArea · 04/08/2019 22:42

Been together over 20 years, always go to bed at the same time. I do try and sneak off sometimes when he wants a bit and I can't be bothered, but he comes looking for me. Grin

Dec2019mumtobe · 04/08/2019 22:42

We've been together 10 years and have pretty much always gone to bed at the same time together

namby · 04/08/2019 22:42

Yes we do every night, been together 15 years. I think it's quite important actually.

LemonSqueezy0 · 04/08/2019 22:43

We do, lived together 7 years soon.
If I'd have thought about it, I would have said it was odder not to go up at the same time if you weren't on opposite shifts, a snorer etc...

What else do you think only happens in films?! Grin

Tadpoletofrog · 04/08/2019 22:43

Very rarely, he works shifts so I’m often on my own at night. Don’t mind at all, in fact I hate sharing a bed. I fidget a lot, he snores a lot, we are not compatible when it comes to sleeping!

PurpleFlower1983 · 04/08/2019 22:44

My husband and I do then we chat/read in bed before lights out and sex/sleep. Blush

mindutopia · 04/08/2019 22:44

We always go to bed at the same time. Actually I struggle to think of a time we didn’t (been together 11 years now), but we are both so desperate for sleep (2 dc and busy careers and often working late) that when one goes to sleep the other often has to, otherwise we’d wake each other up. We get so little sleep as it is that neither of us wants to chance it.

UrsulaPandress · 04/08/2019 22:44

I’m shocked.

So do you all have a set bedtime then? Let’s watch Newsnight then up the wooden hill? If one wants to watch a film and the other doesn’t do you draw straws?

yearinyearout · 04/08/2019 22:44

We do most of the time, we just read a book/mess about on MN. Don't usually go to sleep at the same time though

Iggi999 · 04/08/2019 22:45

Wouldn't occur to me unless I was planning on having sex.

LettuceP · 04/08/2019 22:45

Together 11 years and very rarely go to bed seperately, as other pps only if one is ill or has an unusually early start in the morning etc. Always get in to bed, have a chat and a kiss and cuddle (and sex if we're feeling it) then go to sleep. With a 3yo and a 18mo we can't have sex during the day so it's got to be at night.

The idea of going to bed seperately seems very strange and illogical to me, but then we are almost always ready to go up to bed at the same time and fall asleep at the same time. I guess if one is a night owl and the other is ready for sleep at 9pm then going up seperately makes sense.

YouFellAsleep · 04/08/2019 22:45

Nope, never. My DH is a postman (not the postie from the other thread) and come 8pm he's shattered and has to be up sometimes as early as 3am. He goes to bed, I get pack ups sorted, bit of housework or watch a bit of TV. Works for usSmile

mindutopia · 04/08/2019 22:46

It isn’t like a couple thing, like we’re married and we do the same things now, kinda thing. We’re just really tired. Neither wants to miss out on maximum sleep if the other is going to bed at 9!

Crustyjugglers · 04/08/2019 22:46

Heck no! DP stays up way too late for sneaky gaming and I like the time alone to read and be sound asleep before him and the dog start snoring in unison! Wink

adaline · 04/08/2019 22:46

Yep, pretty much all the time. The dog comes to bed at the same time too!

bwydda · 04/08/2019 22:46

16 years. Under 30 nights have we not gone to bed together. It's pathetic. Those nights I've mentioned are holidays/ stag/ hen/ etc that forced us apart, we still stay awake until the other calls and we say goodnight and lay out heads down together. Mock me if you like. But it's how we are (and yes I live in absolute fear of one of us dying. I don't know that I could ever truly sleep again)

Julykthat · 04/08/2019 22:48

Together 27 years and never go to bed at the same time. I go at 9/10 and dh at 1/2. I get up at 6:30/7 and he gets up at 8:30/9.

Even in the early days he worked shifts so was rarely home at bedtime. Im very much so a morning person and an early waker whereas he loves the evening/night.

I agree with your DH OP, it is for the purpose of dialogue. In a film about dh and my exciting lives this would be sooo inaccurate!

Mac47 · 04/08/2019 22:48

Did practically every night for 20 years. When he started staying up, it coincided with the start of his affair. Im not suggesting anyine who doesn't is having an affair!!

GreenTulips · 04/08/2019 22:49

Nope - never of rarely go together!

surroundedbyvulpices · 04/08/2019 22:49

We got married six years ago and have had the same bedtime routine ever since - I go to the loo while DH brushes his teeth, I brush my teeth while DH goes to the loo, and we end up in bed pretty much within seconds of each other. We don't have long conversations though, and we certainly don't read or watch TV or anything like that - we just sleep.

CIT80 · 04/08/2019 22:49

We don’t - and if he says he is going to bed before me it winds me up ! I like the space to fall asleep before he gets in and takes up all the room

BarbedBloom · 04/08/2019 22:50

Five years in and we do. We tend to go between 10 and 12 depending what we are doing. Even the cats go to their beds when we do Grin We chat for a while, cuddle etc.

Tweetingmagpie · 04/08/2019 22:50

We do!

I love going to bed at the same time, with my ex husband he would go early and I would go late but that was because we hated each other Grin

MeadowHay · 04/08/2019 22:51

We vary. Probably we go to bed at the same time around 50% of the time, then 25% of the time I go slightly earlier than DH so just 30mins ish earlier so am often still awake then when he comes to bed. And the other 25% I go a lot earlier and am asleep when he comes but I'm a light sleeper so always wake when he comes to bed. So selfishly I much prefer us going to bed at the same time because otherwise it disturbs me. But I wouldn't want to sleep in different rooms cos of it. And that wouldn't seem fair atm anyway because DD1 still sleeps in our room and still sometimes wakes up in the night needing comfort or whatever so we tend to share that. Although if I'm honest DH does more of that than me.

HennyPennyHorror · 04/08/2019 22:52

We do...we never used to because I liked to stay up later when my DC were smaller. It was my quiet time. DH used to moan about it!

Now the kids are older, I don't mind going to bed at about 10 when DH does because I get a lot more private time during the day.

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