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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think no couple goes to bed at the same time?

462 replies

themimi · 04/08/2019 22:23

Watching a programme tonight with DH and saw another example of a couple lying in bed at night having a conversation after clearly retiring at the same time. Mentioned to DH that we never ever go to bed at the same time (I'm an early to bed early to rise person and he's the opposite). DH said that no couple does - it's just a plot device to facilitate dialogue. I think I agree and couples who go to bed at same time don't exist. Anyone out there (past honeymoon stage) who does?

OP posts:
tellelle · 06/08/2019 22:04

We are well out the honeymoon stage and pretty much always go to bed at the same time (unless one of us is really tired) however we do both wake up early the same time the following morning so makes sense

NotWavingButMNing · 06/08/2019 22:07

Been together over 40 years and very seldom gone to bed at the same time.

Nottheduchess · 06/08/2019 22:07

We always go to bed unless he’s on an early morning shift where he goes up about 8. That’s rare though.

Nottheduchess · 06/08/2019 22:08

Together (missing from my post)

Sunflower1987 · 07/08/2019 00:10

We do. We’ve lived together 9 years too.

Banjodancer · 07/08/2019 01:01

Very seldom go at the same time, 20 years together.

SemperIdem · 07/08/2019 01:06

Not always, due to work, but usually. I would feel like I was bed sharing with a close friend otherwise.

StarlightLady · 07/08/2019 04:29

It depends why you are going to bed. Beds are multi functional. There’s sleeping bed and there’s sex bed.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 07/08/2019 04:57

Sometimes we do sometimes we don't. However when we do I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow and DP always stays awake for a couple of hours watching films. So it doesn't really make much difference.

Snugglepiggy · 07/08/2019 06:45

We've always gone to bed together and read,chatted or listened to the radio here.We don't have a TV in the bedroom as years ago realised it made us mindlessly watch stuff or channel hop rather than get some sleep -or other stuff .And we've always been early risers.Now occasionally I will head to the spare room to read if I'm not as tired as DH,or he will stay up to finish a TV programme and I'm tired and going to bed.But for 30 + years our routine has been to settle down together and it's worked for us.To do otherwise would have seemed odd tbh.

CatteStreet · 07/08/2019 06:59

'Apparently not going to bed at the same time can be one of the indicators of problems in a relationship.'

Why, and what's the source of that?
I'd find it quite stifling, tbh, to always go to bed at the same time as dh, and I think he would too. He needs less sleep than me and likes to decompress from a very intense and long-hours job by watching sport or rubbish. Surely all going to bed at different timnes actually means (bar other issues) is that you are individuals and have different needs/natural routines?

Married for 19 years here, very happily (little time to ourselves right now due to parenting/work, but that's normal).

supercatlady · 07/08/2019 07:10

We do! Rarely one of us will stay up to watch something, or one of us is out but otherwise we come to bed at the same time - always have.

Sniv · 07/08/2019 07:29

No other option, really, in a bedsit flat!

kidsmakesomuchwashing · 07/08/2019 07:45

Me and DH go to bed at the same Time 90% of the time. Unless one us wants to watch something on tv or feels ill.

missnotmyname · 07/08/2019 07:48

More often at the moment since having baby but previously no. He would come up few hours after me. Surprised we managed to conceive at all 😂

Lovemenorca · 07/08/2019 08:03

It was a real sign to me that marriage was on knees when we stopped going to bed at same time

Three years post divorce now

gamerchick · 07/08/2019 08:32

Apparently not going to bed at the same time can be one of the indicators of problems in a relationship

I always think when people say they consistantly go to up together that one of them is controlling and the other falls meekly into line tbh. That can be a problem in a relationship....

gettingtherequickly · 07/08/2019 08:38

Almost always with DH, together 11 years. Rarely with exDH, but it was a symptom of a failing relationship.

Every relationship is different, so I wouldn't automatically assume anything about someone else's relationship based on whether they go to bed at the same time.

FinnBalorsAbs · 07/08/2019 08:43

We go to bed at the same time, have a cuddle and a chat about the day. If DH drops off first and I'm still awake I end up reading MN on my phone for a bit.

Walkingandwalking · 07/08/2019 08:59

@gamerchick, nope... no control issues here. Very balanced and fair relationship, with us both working, both doing 50% of childcare and housework. My DH treats me fairly and with respect as I do him.
It’s a happy medium for both of us actually as we both like going to bed together.
I would naturally stay up a bit later, DH would naturally go to bed earlier... so we meet in the middle.
Plus going to bed together means we have time to be alone together in bed. Why would that be controlling? Because we like going to bed together in a marriage. That’s quite a leap and a massive generalisation. You sound rather paranoid.
My comment was actually from some studies that have found a correlation between sleeping at different times and divorce. But that is again a generalisation and just a trend observed. It doesn’t mean it is causal, or true for everyone, as many people on this thread have demonstrated.
Can I assume from your name that you are a night owl?

SkelterHelter · 07/08/2019 09:09

We never go to bed at the same time. We both love our own space, DH goes to bed and gets up much earlier than me. He enjoys peace and quiet downstairs first thing in the morning and I like time to myself late in the evening. B

Damntheman · 07/08/2019 09:20

We usually go within 30 mins of each other, but we're both night owls who hate mornings. I don't think there's any problem with you two not going at the same time OP. You do what works best for your day rhythms!

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 07/08/2019 09:23

We do mostly 🤷🏻‍♀️

ssd · 07/08/2019 09:26

I love going to bed before dh and reading in peace, or going after him when he's asleep and reading in peace.
Also live being up before him and getting the house to myself. When he gets up I'll go back to bed with a cuppa and he can watch skysports. And I'll get more peace.
Grin

evilharpy · 07/08/2019 09:27

Rarely. I need much less sleep so I go to bed later and get up earlier.

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