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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to make my teenagers go to bed at 10

159 replies

JasperTheFriendlyGhost · 04/08/2019 20:16

Two of my children aren’t happy with the rules that i’ve set for the summer holidays. Me and DH have decided that DD15 and DS14 need to turn everything off and go to sleep at 10:30. They are mad because they say their friends all stay up later.

My DD is really good at self regulating and knows she can’t stay up all night because it will impact the next day for her and shes learnt herself that she’s in a bad mood all day if she doesn’t get at least 8 hours.

However my DS would stay on his computer all night if we didn’t stop him. So now we’ve decided that they both need to turn everything (TVs, phones, computer etc) off at 10:30.

I was talking about this with my DSis and she said i’m BU and they should be allowed to stay up later. She said i should just make DS turn his computer off at 10:30 but let them watch tv or play on their phones or read.

So AIBU to make my 15yo DD and 14yo DS go to bed at 10:30?

OP posts:
Original poster
JasperTheFriendlyGhost · 04/08/2019 20:16

Sorry forgot to add that they usually wake up about 9-10am.

OP posts:
wineandroses1 · 04/08/2019 20:19

Sounds reasonable to me. My DD is 14 and in the school holidays she can stay up later (usually in bed by 10, phone on charge in another room by 10.30). We let her stay up later in the holidays (11.00) if she wants to but that’s because she can sleep in the next day.

fairynick · 04/08/2019 20:20

Giving a 15 year old a bedtime is ridiculous. She’s almost an adult. Especially as there are no additional needs and you even admit she’s sensible. Sounds unnecessary and like helicopter parenting.

healthylifestylee · 04/08/2019 20:22

At 15/16 I made my own bed time. I was like your DD and would sleep if I needed to. I also didn't fail my exams so it didn't do any harm to me. I didn't have a game console in my room but iPad/phone and laptop at 16. Some nights I could easily stay up till 2 am but others I was asleep at 10 and both times I would still get up for school

Can you trail letting them decide for themselves for a week? Then you will know if you were right?
It is the holidays and at this age they aren't revising for exams or anything so maybe it wouldn't hurt to relax the rules for few weeks, as long as they are aware this is a holidays only thing and that at the end of the month at least 3 days before school it's gradually back to normal

Sounds like they are getting more than enough sleep so maybe an hour or so later to bed wouldn't hurt

Alternatively stick with your rules of pc off and phones off but allow reading and tv?

Either way, your kids your house your rules

It's not being unreasonable it's caring for your children's best interests

Drpeppered · 04/08/2019 20:23

Yes, I think 10.30 is very early for a 15 year old. By that age I’d be expecting them to set their own bedtimes. They have to learn to manage their own sleep.

chipsandgin · 04/08/2019 20:24

Blimey, I make my 9 year old go to bed by 10 (unless something specifically early is going on the next day, in which case asleep by 9). My 15 year old basically gets a knock on his door when we’re heading to bed & a suggestion that he should probably head to bed too as well as a request to not keep us awake pottering about (so annoying!).

He’s doing great at school, he’s been down to the gym most days this holiday or meeting up with friends/girlfriend so he’s not lying about all day - but strict bedtimes in re holidays are a thing of the past.

I’d imagine he’d be pretty unhappy with a 10.30 ‘bedtime’ tbh, IMO they will self regulate, possibly after staying up to stupid a couple of times but too many strict rules now tend to lead to massive rebellion later from what I’ve seen..

chipsandgin · 04/08/2019 20:26

(9 year olds bedtimes are holiday ones btw - it’s 8.30 in term time with a 7.30 wake up)

cheriseb · 04/08/2019 20:28

So unreasonable and so over the top. It's the holidays let them enjoy it

Greeper · 04/08/2019 20:28

I would not be so bothered about bedtime, as such, but no phones after 10pm and no tv after 11pm sounds reasonable to me.
But then I am a dreadful mother, according to my DC.
I make them get up at 8am every day, even in the holidays..cant bear the business everyone on different body clocks not eating togeyher, not seeing each other and whining...

Lazypuppy · 04/08/2019 20:30

YABU massively

sweetkitty · 04/08/2019 20:31

I have a 15yoDD and a 13yoDD and this is the first year I’ve not enforced a bedtime on them during the holidays.

When school goes back it will be phones downstairs at 10.30-11pm though much to their disgust.

comedycentral · 04/08/2019 20:32

I think wind down and go to your room at that time is fine. They can read, watch a movie etc. I agree with no game consoles after that time.

amusedbush · 04/08/2019 20:32

A bedtime at 15 sounds bonkers to me. My curfew was 10pm during the week at 15 and by 17 I’d be coming home as my dad was going to work Grin

Namechange55 · 04/08/2019 20:32

Turning electrical off is ok but yabu to insist they go to sleep at 10.30pm.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/08/2019 20:32

Why would you make them get up at 8am during the holidays?

Morgan12 · 04/08/2019 20:33

YABU.

couchparsnip · 04/08/2019 20:33

My 13 year old gets told to head to his room by about 11pm on summer holidays. He goes to sleep about midnight I think, I don't keep track. At 15 I'd be expecting them to sort themselves out.

underneaththeash · 04/08/2019 20:34

Of course you’re not being unreasonable they’re still children and they should be in bed at a decent time eg. 10.30 and yes, they need to be up at a decent time in the morning too.

underneaththeash · 04/08/2019 20:34

My 13yo is in bed by 9.30 and just reads (we have a no electronics upstairs rule).

practicallyperfectwithprosecco · 04/08/2019 20:36

Nearly 16 year old sets her own bedtimes - school days she normally settles down about 1030/11 and gets up at 630.

No idea what time weekends and holidays- we will go and say night when we go to bed. She is on top floor of house with own bathroom so only rule is she doesn't disturb her younger siblings.

She gets up about 9 and is no more grumpy than the average teenager.

I don't ban phone or iPad in her room either - trust her to be sensible and it works

Bluntness100 · 04/08/2019 20:37

This isn't ok, they are not eight or nine. Your sister is right.

Can't you be arsed or something? Just want them out of your way?

ShinyMe · 04/08/2019 20:38

You mention 8 hours sleep, but then say they get up at 9-10am. But if you're expecting them to go to sleep at 10.30, then they're in bed for over 11 hours. I think 10.30 is a very early bedtime for mid teens in the summer holidays.

dudsville · 04/08/2019 20:40

Don't teenagers need something like 12 hours sleep a day? I don't know how kids manage with all the tech to keep them up!

SmartPlay · 04/08/2019 20:41

Turning off all screens at a certain time to prevent them from being in front of it all night: Sure.

Bedtime at that age during the holidays: No, absolutely not.

My 14 year old goes to bed whenever she pleases, which is often around midnight. She can sleep as long as she pleases (or as long as her toddler brother lets her), so why should I force a bedtime on her?

chickenyhead · 04/08/2019 20:44

Wow, I am a bad MN mum

If we have plans the next day we have a wifi off firm bed time. Otherwise the 9 and 13 to self determine, within reason I.e midnight is midnight. But some nights there is an additional, not in my presence go upstairs stipulation, as whilst i love their company, i want some time.