Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to make my teenagers go to bed at 10

159 replies

JasperTheFriendlyGhost · 04/08/2019 20:16

Two of my children aren’t happy with the rules that i’ve set for the summer holidays. Me and DH have decided that DD15 and DS14 need to turn everything off and go to sleep at 10:30. They are mad because they say their friends all stay up later.

My DD is really good at self regulating and knows she can’t stay up all night because it will impact the next day for her and shes learnt herself that she’s in a bad mood all day if she doesn’t get at least 8 hours.

However my DS would stay on his computer all night if we didn’t stop him. So now we’ve decided that they both need to turn everything (TVs, phones, computer etc) off at 10:30.

I was talking about this with my DSis and she said i’m BU and they should be allowed to stay up later. She said i should just make DS turn his computer off at 10:30 but let them watch tv or play on their phones or read.

So AIBU to make my 15yo DD and 14yo DS go to bed at 10:30?

OP posts:
Rachelover40 · 04/08/2019 20:44

Please don't enforce bedtimes during the holidays unless they have to be up early the next day for something.

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/08/2019 20:44

Of course you’re not being unreasonable they’re still children and they should be in bed at a decent time eg. 10.30 and yes, they need to be up at a decent time in the morning too

Why?

It is the holidays, what do they need to get up for?

If your dd self regulates and needs her 8 hours sleep but doesn’t get up to 9am then why are you insisting on her being in bed by 10.30 unless you want her up at 6.30am

mineofuselessinformation · 04/08/2019 20:47

Depends on whether either of you are going to work the next day or are disturbed by them still being up...
But, you could agree that they need to be in their bedrooms by a certain time anyway, and let them know you will be annoyed if they aren't up to do what you have planned for them the next day.

TeacupDrama · 04/08/2019 20:50

my DD is 10 in school time bedtime is 9 short story lights off my 9.10 up at 7am
holidays allowed to decide herself anytime between 9-10 mostly between 9.15-9.30 sleeps to about 7.30 we have had a few late nights as doing stuff say 10.30 then she slept till after 8 only at New Year is she allowed to stay up past midnight
while I can agree with no phones etc after 10.30-11 in holidays I think they should be able to read or watch TV but with the provisio they need to be up and dressed by 10am they don't need 10-12 hours sleep every night alos I think as it is the holidays the odd late night to midnight will not hurt, is your 15 year old not allowed to go to parties ever as has to be home before they have almost started?
I am not for kids being up till 4am but they are 14 and 15, I think your rules would be ok if they were 11 and 12 or even 12 and 13 but not at 14+ or at least not 7 days a week maybe stick to 10.30 for 5 days and free the other two

JustDanceAddict · 04/08/2019 20:50

Completely U! My teen ds goes to bed around midnight I think in the hols. I just insist he’s quiet in his room so we can sleep. He gets out and about enough so late gaming is fine in holidays. He’s up between 10-11. I tend to wake him by 11 so as the day isn’t totally out of whack.

Malvinaa81 · 04/08/2019 20:51

Trying to set bed times for teenagers of 14 and 15 may be OK for some religious cult, but not here in the UK.

Just when would this rule be relaxed- at 18 or 21....or 40?

YABU

Digitalash · 04/08/2019 20:51

School nights tech off at 10pm is fine but making anyone go to sleep if they aren't tired is weird. In the holidays so long as they aren't keeping everyone up I think it's unfair to enforce anything unless the specifically have to be up for something the next day and then surely a gentle reminder not to be up till 3am because your out at 9 should suffice.

AngelasAshes · 04/08/2019 20:52

YABU
14 and 15 are old enough to set their own bedtime during nonschool days. They need the practice before being adults. For example when they are 16 and want a weekend job, with a 7am start- you will want them to be able and responsible to get themselves to bed and up by themselves in the morning. I never once got a 16yr old of mine up for work and they’ve never missed their start time.

On school nights, we stopped bedtimes at age 15. 13-14, it was a knock on the door at 10pm with a reminder to finish things up and get some sleep. They’ve always been receptive and finished up, lights out by 10:30.

Angrybird123 · 04/08/2019 20:52

Mine are younger but I think that when they are that age, holiday or not I will still want them out of my way by about 9.30ish so 8 can have an adult evening. Assuming I'm still a lone parent, I really value a couple of hours where I can just watch what I like, or do what I like without interruptions etc. I think I'd say upstairs at x time, no tech by x time but not necessarily an actual lights out time. It's not about not being bothered with them but when you've spent most waking minutes catering to them, you value a little bit of peace. I can't see that changing much unless they've been out all day with friends or something. It's for the parent as much as the child in my view.

Fontofnoknowledge · 04/08/2019 20:53

My goodness what a lot of virtuous parents on MN. Mine all at Uni /Last year A levels now but I haven't told them to go to bed since they were 12

.. I also have never taken phones/tablets off them or had any kind of 'electronics downstairs' rule. 😱I wouldn't want that. (Love a bit of nighttime MNetting..) so wouldn't expect it from them.

We all seem to have made it through life unscathed so far.

4legsandawaggytail · 04/08/2019 20:54

We ha e no technology in the bedroom. So dc can go to bed/sleep whatever time they want. This is rarely after 10:30 on holidays. 4 days before term starts , it's back into school routine. Lights out at 9:15 up around 6:30. Bounces out of bed, never have to ask twice, fully fresh, awake and ready for the day. This works for us. Never had any meltdowns, arguments or disagreements over getting up in the morning but I've always been strict on getting enough sleep.

adaline · 04/08/2019 20:54

Why does a 15 year old need a bedtime? Confused

You're being very strict and OTT in my opinion. I never had a bedtime past the age of about 12/13.

4legsandawaggytail · 04/08/2019 20:54

*haveBlush

ohcarriemathison · 04/08/2019 20:56

I think you're definitely being unreasonable to your 15 year son.
I let my 9 year old sometimes stay up later in the holidays.
I think at 15 I would say 11:30pm.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 04/08/2019 20:56

When I was 15/16 I could go to sleep when I wanted but the deal was that I be in my bedroom from a certain time to allow my parents some time by themselves. Suited me. I used to sit upstairs watching This Life and VHS tapes of My So-Called Life. Awesome days.
So yes I think YABU by dictating when your 15 year old goes to sleep.

Straightalkinggal · 04/08/2019 20:57

When I was 15 I was in bed to sleep for 9.00 pm.

Dairyqueen2 · 04/08/2019 20:59

My 15 year old has unwritten bedtime of 11pm in the holidays. He just knows its kind of expected and goes off by himself. Phone stays downstairs. He doesn't kick against it and sometimes it drifts to 11.39 and I don't fuss. I don't think you're being massively U

Redcrayons · 04/08/2019 21:00

Mine go up to bed when I do around 10/10.30. In the holidays they are allowed phones upstairs so no idea what time they go to sleep.

Term time, there's no tech upstairs rule.

cosytoaster · 04/08/2019 21:00

YABU - sorry, I agree with your sister. Obviously if it gets out of hand then step in but otherwise let them start to make their own decisions, even if sometimes not ideal.

ysmaem · 04/08/2019 21:01

I didn't have a bedtime when I was 15. Especially not in the summer holidays. YANBU for wanting them home or sending them upstairs at 10pm to their rooms so you can have piece and quiet but I think YABU for expecting them to be in bed and asleep by 10pm at that age tbh

Zoflorabore · 04/08/2019 21:01

I only enforce bedtime on school nights for ds who is 16 and has just left school and due to start college next month. I say Xbox etc off at 10 and time to wind down. He is allowed his phone and tends to drop off to music.

Weekends and school holidays I don't do this.
He self regulates and knows to keep it down as I also have an 8yr old dd and dp needs to be up early for work.

There are nights when he's asleep by 11 and others he will have a late one and be up till 3. As long as he gets enough sleep then I'm happy. We do have a "wind down" period during the last 2 weeks of the holidays to get him used to earlier nights and a good routine again.

Your bedtimes are a bit unfair op.

SmartPlay · 04/08/2019 21:02

@TeacupDrama "but with the provisio they need to be up and dressed by 10am"

Why?

Pipandmum · 04/08/2019 21:03

My 14 year old takes herself off to bed about 10 and sleeps as much as she needs. My 15 year old goes to bed whenever - if at home about 11 and is usually up around 8. But he’s mostly out with mates and then he has to be home by 1am and call me about 11 to tell me where he is and when he’s going to be home. At the moment he’s camping at a music festival I’m sure staying up pretty late!
I wouldn’t even set your bedtimes during school nights.

AngelasAshes · 04/08/2019 21:04

“Mine are younger but I think that when they are that age, holiday or not I will still want them out of my way by about 9.30ish so 8 can have an adult evening. Assuming I'm still a lone parent, I really value a couple of hours where I can just watch what I like, or do what I like without interruptions etc”

Not trying to be mean, but that’s a tad optimistic.

PixieLumos · 04/08/2019 21:04

I went to a boarding school so would use those bedtimes as a guideline for my DCs - in Year 10/11 so your DCs age it was lights out at 10.30 - Year 12/13 we didn’t have a set bedtime. But then again it is the holidays, so if they’re not up until 9.30 I would be a bit more lenient.