AIBU to make my teenagers go to bed at 10

[JasperTheFriendlyGhost]

Two of my children aren’t happy with the rules that i’ve set for the summer holidays. Me and DH have decided that DD15 and DS14 need to turn everything off and go to sleep at 10:30. They are mad because they say their friends all stay up later.

My DD is really good at self regulating and knows she can’t stay up all night because it will impact the next day for her and shes learnt herself that she’s in a bad mood all day if she doesn’t get at least 8 hours.

However my DS would stay on his computer all night if we didn’t stop him. So now we’ve decided that they both need to turn everything (TVs, phones, computer etc) off at 10:30.

I was talking about this with my DSis and she said i’m BU and they should be allowed to stay up later. She said i should just make DS turn his computer off at 10:30 but let them watch tv or play on their phones or read.

So AIBU to make my 15yo DD and 14yo DS go to bed at 10:30?

We just get up and have breakfast too. If I got my DS up to 'sort the kitchen' with me I'm not sure what he would do.

“Sort the kitchen...” who does that?! Surely everyone can get up and help themselves to what they want - unless there is a small child in the family in which case one adult needs to sort them out. If I woke dd aged 15 up to sort the kitchen out for breakfast for me she’d look at me like I’d gone insane... !

@Fairylea so would mine. I don't know what there is to sort unless you need to put a few cabinets up and plumb in the dishwasher every morning. 😂

Yanbu - you have to deal with the grumps the next day. I'd give a little freedom during the holidays but this is the age where they need a lot of sleep and if they're on electronics then they won't know when they need to go to bed. Even my 38 Yr old husband stays up too late when he plays games (his words). Let them stay up but no electronics.

What needs sorting in the kitchen? And why does your teen need to be involved early in the holidays?

I’m stunned at the poster waking her teens at 8am!

Dependent on if we have to be up following day to do something I don't set ds bedtime in holidays. (He's 14 - 15 in a few weeks)

He's a swimmer and during term time has a very strict routine as morning training etc and often not home until 9/9.30pm.

But I do have the rule computers and screens off at 9pm. Sometimes 10 if we've been out and so he's had long periods during day away from them.
He can - and does - come into the lounge and watch tv with me. He is very good at self regulating going to bed if he's off screens. Not so much if he's on them!

Ha, amazing that teens getting up to join in with family life is so controversial!
Laundry needs putting away, dishwasher emptying, small kids want a story reading, table needs setting, etc. We all eat breakfast together. It's nice!

At what age will you allow your teen to have some autonomy? Rather than doing what you want?

Not being funny, genuinely interested!

Of course you’re not being unreasonable they’re still children and they should be in bed at a decent time eg. 10.30 and yes, they need to be up at a decent time in the morning too

Let’s ignore all the evidence that says teenagers brains and sleep cycle is better on going to bed later and getting up later... yeah they are children for me to control with some kind of petty rule and power play about when they sleep and get up #controlling

This thread has been an interesting thread. My Dd is only 4, but our neighbours have three children, 9,11&15 and they are often out in the garden (shouting and swearing I may add but that’s a different story) until 9.45/10 and it amazes me that they aren’t in bed. I’m shattered by 10pm!! However maybe that’s the norm...

My teen gets up at 8 am most days and does stuff like help me sort out the kitchen before breakfast time. I don't get why teens would be exempt from taking part in normal life just because they're off school?

Sort out the kitchen before breakfast? I’ve i’ve ever heard of make-work from someone trying to justify their role it’s that!

Maybe a bit strict for every day of the holidays but if you have plans the next day I don't see any problem with making sure they are going to be up and with it to enjoy the day.

Ours had structured activities. Their choice. Orchestra summer school, Rugby and dance camps. Language camp mentoring in Switzerland. Voluntary work and paid work at local water sports centre. . Work experience. They needed to be up a reasonable time if they wanted good CVs early on to put them ahead of the pack.

Ha, amazing that teens getting up to join in with family life is so controversial!

Not controversial at all. In our house, family life happens throughout the day, not just a breakfast. I'm not about to force my son out of bed to set the table when I can manage to put some cutlery out myself in the morning. He does plenty at other times. Last night he spent hours building a cupboard for his grandad, he's tired so I'll let him sleep.

Those rules are fine on school nights but let them have a bit more freedom in the holidays. Maybe not out partying until the early hours yet. Save the 'rules' for that situation. If they are safe in home and have nothing too important planned for the next day why not let them decide?

“They needed to be up a reasonable time if they wanted good CVs early on to put them ahead of the pack”

Bedtime ‘rules’ for a 15 yo in the hols is OTT.

But I would turn off the wi fi at midnight, probably.

Pick your fights.
YABUR.
I would go the extra hour.
But point out if DD is grumpy back to square one.

BigSandyBalls2015 Might be funny but definitely works! Highly motivated youngsters, with good academics and strong relevant CVs are more likely to do well.

What did you do in your holidays? I dossed in bed until midday then a few mates came round for a few hours gaming before we went to the park to chill. Not exactly inspiring stuff, is it?

Or I went to Orchestral summer school and had the opportunity to play in the Royal Festival Hall for three nights. Then I shadowed an emergency department consultant for a week; I learned so much. We had a family holiday before I joined an International children’s camp as a group mentor for a month.

Who is more likely to be interviewed or employed? Who is going to get the paid internship in the city?

Op, this is exactly what I have done
Everything goes off at 10:15 pm in my house now.
The final straw was when I woke up at 3am last week to find my dd on the phone to her friend and my ds cooking a fry up after his marathon computer session.
They don’t like it, but tough. My house, my rules

My 13 year is in bedroom by 10. She normally is asleep by 11 though I don’t actually make her.

Ds 11 is in bed by 9 unless we have done something that night as he can’t cope on little sleep. He reads or watches his tablet till asleep On a school no get he isn’t allowed tablet before bed

My 13 year is in bedroom by 10. She normally is asleep by 11 though I don’t actually make her.

Ds 11 is in bed by 9 unless we have done something that night as he can’t cope on little sleep. He reads or watches his tablet till asleep On a school no get he isn’t allowed tablet before bed

DS is 14 in a few weeks and tends to get himself into bed whenever he's ready through the holidays. He goes out most days doing sports and activities with friends and family and I find it easier to relax the rules and let him have a little more autonomy than I do during term time. The younger one I tend to switch his lights off around 9/10pm but he's very good at telling us when he's tired.

He volunteers one night a week with a local group, he does sport most days and plays for several local teams, he rides and spends an hour a day with his horses, has a lovely social circle, works hard when he's at school and is on track to fly through his GCSE's. His CV isn't going to dictate how we live our lives, and nor will it any time soon.

I'd bet my left leg that happy children who grow into well-rounded adults are far more employable than exhausted ones who've spent their childhood trying to please other people.

Ds2 is 16 and I can’t remember when he stopped having a bed time. He was still awake at 12 last night and was up and out for 9 this morning

Since he finished his exams he’s had a week in Berlin with school, a week on an activity camp and then a week at uni and is now doing some group activity and fund raising week (all with

He gets himself up for school at around 7 , although I’m up with the younger ones so I leave him to it at night.

To the pp who said as a single parent they would want their dc out the upstairs as teens good luck with that! It tends to be a time when they decide to come down for a random chat or to talk about things that are bothering them, why they don’t do it earlier I don’t know

It’s different anyway, I like the 8&6 year olds in bed at a reasonable time to give me a break, I don’t feel the same way about the teen . He quite often comes down when they are in bed to watch tv with me

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