AIBU to make my teenagers go to bed at 10

[JasperTheFriendlyGhost]

Two of my children aren’t happy with the rules that i’ve set for the summer holidays. Me and DH have decided that DD15 and DS14 need to turn everything off and go to sleep at 10:30. They are mad because they say their friends all stay up later.

My DD is really good at self regulating and knows she can’t stay up all night because it will impact the next day for her and shes learnt herself that she’s in a bad mood all day if she doesn’t get at least 8 hours.

However my DS would stay on his computer all night if we didn’t stop him. So now we’ve decided that they both need to turn everything (TVs, phones, computer etc) off at 10:30.

I was talking about this with my DSis and she said i’m BU and they should be allowed to stay up later. She said i should just make DS turn his computer off at 10:30 but let them watch tv or play on their phones or read.

So AIBU to make my 15yo DD and 14yo DS go to bed at 10:30?

Trixibell - surely that's normal though, a gentle reminder when it's getting late doesn't hurt. No need for the micro management some people do for their teens (I have seen on here that some people have bed times for their 17yos).

My 13yo and 15yo are basically nocturnal in the holidays..

Mine are younger but I think that when they are that age, holiday or not I will still want them out of my way by about 9.30ish so 8 can have an adult evening

Lol. I only get an adult evening when mine aren't at home

Mine would be pretty miserable if I sent them upstairs at 9.30 so I could watch eastenders on my own.

We watch loads of box sets together, have film nights. It's actually nicer now they can watch grown up stuff. Usually they're waking me up when I've fallen asleep watching TV telling me to go to bed.

At 15 i had to be home at 11pm....

I'm really glad I saw this thread.

I've been kind of ushering my 15 year old to bed at about 11 because he never sleeps late and is always up at the crack of dawn. However, reading this has made me realise that I'm being fucking ridiculous and if he's knackered it's his own bloody fault.

We have a later bedtime but no electronics after 10pm except at weekends. Means they all read loads of books which is no bad thing.

Wow my 4 ye old goes to bed at 10, and my 12 yr old at midnight.

It's the school holidays the 6 weeks to have a rest from rigid rules

We always had a set bedtime of about 10pm until sixth form when school imposed the curfew. We were slightly more lax in holidays but not by much as they had things on most days.
Self regulation isn’t terribly effective in teenagers. Children need sleep for physical and mental health. Tired children are less resilient.
Children without good sleep habits do less well in public exams.

They are way too old for bedtime. It's too controlling of you to force them.

They are way too old for bedtime. It's too controlling of you to force them.
It’s called parenting, teenagers need a lot of sleep, they also need good routines.

Even in the 1990s when I was allowed to go to the occasional all night rave I still had to go to bed most nights 11pm even in the holidays. I had to be back by 11.30 at the weekend unless clubbing or raving! My friends that had no curfew were up all night most nights. My friends kids who are on screens half the night hardly do anything else in their free time except gaming and organised sport.

My DS13 for some unfathomable reason is still getting up at 7am. Then again he's been an early riser since day zero! So he's tucked up in bed already because he's shattered. Weird child.

My dc aren't teens yet but they will be in their bedrooms by 10 when they are because that's when dh and I go to bed (up early for work.) We won't want to be disturbed by kids banging around making a racket!

Following this with interest as my dd isn't yet a teen, but wondering what the protocol on bed times is once they're older.
I suppose my concern is what they might be exposed to watching late night telly, phones and laptops alone in their rooms etc however on the other hand it limits what you can watch in the evening when you sit down to chill if they're still hanging around downstairs

It’s quite interesting, i thought about this one today and then put a message on our year 8 what’s so group. (Grammar school in Bucks)
So children who are 13 and going into year 9 in September.
12 parents replied and they all go to bed at 10pm or earlier even in the Summer Holidays.

My DS is 15 and has ASD so is slightly different, he has xbox off by 9.30 and can watch his ipad/phone. I take his phone when I go to bed but he has his iPad until he goes to sleep about 11.30 ish.

It is parenting to teach them the skills to eventually be self sufficient, forcing them to have a bedtime at 15 is ridiculous. Guiding them to go to bed when they are tired is parenting. Surely you don't do everything for them until they leave home then expect them to be able to do it all do you? This is no different.

Fair enough getting them into their bedrooms but lights out early in the holidays is not right IMO. We are never disturbed by DS1 (13) he just goes to his room and does whatever. They are not young kids so not likely to be making a racket are they.

They do not need lots of sleep, according to NHS guidelines age 11 they need 9hrs 30, 12/13 9hrs 15, 14-16 9 hours. So making them go to bed at 1030 means up at 730, what is the point of that.

NHS guidelines

I think phones and computer off at 10:30 is fine but tv at a low volume and reading is acceptable, I would of been at war with my mum if she dictated my bedtime at that age. I wasn’t allowed my phone but I was allowed to do what I liked as long as it wasn’t disruptive

underneaththeash well that's what they told you!

Thanks for the replies. I spoke to both of them this afternoon and decided that the pc is to be off at 10:30 but they can still do whatever as long as they’re not keeping my other dc or me and my dh awake.

My 15 year old clears off to his room after tea to do homework, watch TV, play on his Xbox or computer. On school nights he is generally asleep by 10.30 & gets up at 7.00. During the holidays, he is still in his room most nights after tea but goes to sleep about 11.00 - midnight, he gets up around 10.00 unless he is going out.

I am amazed at people asking why on earth teenagers would possibly need to be up before 10 am. Paid or voluntary work, sports activities, holiday workshops, social stuff? My teen gets up at 8 am most days and does stuff like help me sort out the kitchen before breakfast time. I don't get why teens would be exempt from taking part in normal life just because they're off school?

Well hopefully he won't surf social media all night instead , as my youngest used to!

Well obviously they would get up if they need to, those responses were to the people who said their kids have to be up by 8 regardless. My DS has had activities early on quite a few days gets up then. When he works he doesn't finish till 10/1030pm so he needs to be able to stay up late.

Why does the kitchen need sorting before breakfast? Genuine question as I can't imagine what needs doing before 8am. We all just get our breakfast as and when.