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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to make my teenagers go to bed at 10

159 replies

JasperTheFriendlyGhost · 04/08/2019 20:16

Two of my children aren’t happy with the rules that i’ve set for the summer holidays. Me and DH have decided that DD15 and DS14 need to turn everything off and go to sleep at 10:30. They are mad because they say their friends all stay up later.

My DD is really good at self regulating and knows she can’t stay up all night because it will impact the next day for her and shes learnt herself that she’s in a bad mood all day if she doesn’t get at least 8 hours.

However my DS would stay on his computer all night if we didn’t stop him. So now we’ve decided that they both need to turn everything (TVs, phones, computer etc) off at 10:30.

I was talking about this with my DSis and she said i’m BU and they should be allowed to stay up later. She said i should just make DS turn his computer off at 10:30 but let them watch tv or play on their phones or read.

So AIBU to make my 15yo DD and 14yo DS go to bed at 10:30?

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 04/08/2019 21:07

Seems really controlling of you to me.

MrsMozartMkII · 04/08/2019 21:08

They're different ages and shouldn't heave the same cut-off time.

ashtrayheart · 04/08/2019 21:09

These are the rules I have for my two youngest in the holidays. They are 9 and 10...

MyDcAreMarvel · 04/08/2019 21:12

Giving a 15 year old a bedtime is ridiculous. She’s almost an adult.
Not really , three years is a long time. My dd is in bed for 9 school nights ( up at 6) and 10 weekends and holidays. Teenagers need sleep like little ones do.

dollydaydream114 · 04/08/2019 21:13

Giving teens of that age a 'bedtime' during the holidays at all seems pretty infantilising to be me, even more so if it's as early as 10.30pm. I'm pretty sure I didn't have a 'bedtime' even in term time at that age, and my parents were relatively strict compared to some. Provided they're not being noisy and keeping you awake, just let them get on with it. It's the holidays, so they can sleep in if they're tired.

Assuming they have their own rooms, how do you even know if a 14 and 15 year old are awake, anyway? Please tell me you're not still poking your head round their doors at night to check?!

IsobelRae23 · 04/08/2019 21:14

Ds14 regulates his own bedtime, I never tell him when it’s bedtime. School days he’s in bed ranging between 9:15-10:00 but mostly between 9:30-9:45 seem to be his ‘bedtime’ and holidays 11:30-midnight.

Purplerain16 · 04/08/2019 21:15

I think YABU. At that age I went to bed whenever I liked in the holidays. Whether that be 10pm or 4am.
I didn't have anything to wake up for so I could sleep all day.
In the last week of the hols I would be in bed at 10pm, sleeping by 11pm, to get used to getting up for school again.

Deffo wouldn't give them a bedtime. They'll learn if they're too tired in the morning.

Hmmmbop · 04/08/2019 21:30

I think you are being a bit ridiculous. If you have a day out planned, or there is something specific they need to be up for then, yes fair enough to set a bedtime. But a day round the house or mooching around town? Then let them self regulate. They need to learn to manage their own time and they deserve and need a bit of freedom. At that age I used to love the occasional 3am movie marathon and 12pm lie in. I went to bed at a sensible time if I needed to be up for something specific.

Iwantacookie · 04/08/2019 21:47

My 9 year old goes to bed later than 10pm in the holidays.
If they haven't got to be up and out in the morning ide leave them to sort their own routines out.

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/08/2019 22:19

I was in full time work at 16, own flat. The idea a parent is setting a bed time for someone a few months younger is ludicrous.

Dd was working at just over 1 year older than your eldest doing some very odd hours.

Greeper · 04/08/2019 23:02

If your child struggles to sleep then maintaining good sleep hygiene is important, that means same waking up time, whatever.

Sleep problems linked to all sorts of ills, depression, higher risk of addiction, and made worse by blue light and gadget use late at night. This is well recognised. Tech in the bedroom is not good for adults, let alone kids. It's easy to let them do it, it's harder to teach them not to.

I think the actual bedtime is a lot less important than the removal of tech by a sensible time, for all of us. If you get them up at a fixed time then they will self regulate. Beyong that, let them read or potter and lights out when they fancy.

My kids have to be up at 8 because of kids clubs or childminders, but they are a bit younger than yours. Oldest 13. On days when we don't have work, I take them out for breakfast or a morning dog run or something.

Greeper · 04/08/2019 23:04

Irony not lost on me.... I am on nights and on break! Shifts definitely part of my own sleep problems, probably why I am so obsessed with this stuff!

WhyBirdStop · 04/08/2019 23:04

That's infantilising surely. If they get up between nine and ten why on earth do they need to go to bed at ten thirty? Do they need eleven hours sleep every night? I'd say no bed time , but TV is under adult control after a set time. They can do what they like in their rooms. If they start staying up until 4am and then being really grumpy, you have a chat with them, although I would regularly stay up until the small hours in the holidays as a teen, usually getting to the end of a book. If you have concerns about online activity, good parental controls or even devices left downstairs/wi fi off after 11. I waitressed in the holidays from as soon as I got my NI number (15 and 9 months) and didn't finish my shift until ten/ten thirty! DF did used to pick me up though, rather than me walk back at that time.

BarbedBloom · 04/08/2019 23:10

Removing tech is fine, setting bedtime is not. I still remember not being able to sleep till midnight at that age so would just read for a few hours. How would you even know they are asleep anyway? As someone else said, it isn't appropriate to be sticking your head round the door at this age

Loftyswops988 · 04/08/2019 23:23

YABU. 10:30 in the school holidays if there is no reason to be up early is slightly cruel, they will have been working hard all year at school and as you say your DD is 15 and good at self-regulation. I can understand you asking your son to turn off his computer and maybe asking them to keep the noise down if you are asleep or whatever, but to ask them to both turn off everything and be in bed by 10:30 at that age seems really controlling.
When they leave home whether its for uni or their own flats or whatever, staying up late is going to seem like such a novelty to them and they're more likely to do it then when it's more important to bed on time for work/uni. Don't make it in to a situation, just let them do their own thing in the holidays

Rumours0fAHurricane · 04/08/2019 23:23

I relax with my 12 year old in the holidays and bed time is about 10.30 and he can have his iPad until then too - he just watched stuff on Netflix

During school term though, devices removed at 9pm and he can read if he wants to

Glitterfisher · 04/08/2019 23:30

I just cannot imagine imposing a bedtime on a 15 year old. My 13 year old DS is quite capable of regulating his own bedtime during term time let alone in the holidays. I think YABVVU.

DS does go up to his room at 10ish and I may suggest for him not to have a late one if he's busy the next day but that's about it.

Glitterfisher · 04/08/2019 23:34

TBH 1030 sounds about normal bedtime for a 14/15 YO old anyway, school hols should definitely be more relaxed.

Windyone · 04/08/2019 23:38

I think that YANBU. It’s not as if you’re suggesting bed at 7. It’s parenting as far as I’m concerned. If I want to go to bed at 10.30 I don’t want my kids still up and about. I say “kids” because they are kids and not adults.

pjmask · 04/08/2019 23:44

I make them get up at 8am every day, even in the holidays..cant bear the business everyone on different body clocks not eating togeyher, not seeing each other and whining

Omg no! That is so mean!

campion · 04/08/2019 23:52

How old are they, Windyone? And why don't you want them up and about if you're in bed?
If they're 14 and 15 like the OP's then that's old enough to switch things off, not make a noise and take themselves to bed. Part of parenting is helping them grow up and make their own decisions.

Titsywoo · 05/08/2019 00:00

My 14 and 12 year old don't have set bedtimes I'm the holidays. They are sensible enough to not go to bed at 3am or something.

Dieu · 05/08/2019 00:08

My teens would absolutely freak if I implemented this. It does seem a bit odd and controlling ... although I can understand wanting to get shot of them Grin

Dieu · 05/08/2019 00:09

And why are some people waking their kids up so early on the holidays? Hmm

PonderLand · 05/08/2019 00:16

A bedtime at 15 is a bit much imo, I finished school and GCSE's when I was 15.. exams finished in May and my birthday was in July. I was working full time at just turned 16, this was 11 years ago and I don't think kids have changed too much in that time? I think you need to allow the 15 year old to experience independence and responsibility. Even the electronics turned off rule is too much but I'll probably change my mind about that when my son is older Grin

If the 14 year old is playing games all night then I can understand why you'd enforce a bed time but during the holidays 10:30 seems excessive? Will this not just equal 6 weeks of arguments for you all? If they happily go to bed then fair play to you!