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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to make my teenagers go to bed at 10

159 replies

JasperTheFriendlyGhost · 04/08/2019 20:16

Two of my children aren’t happy with the rules that i’ve set for the summer holidays. Me and DH have decided that DD15 and DS14 need to turn everything off and go to sleep at 10:30. They are mad because they say their friends all stay up later.

My DD is really good at self regulating and knows she can’t stay up all night because it will impact the next day for her and shes learnt herself that she’s in a bad mood all day if she doesn’t get at least 8 hours.

However my DS would stay on his computer all night if we didn’t stop him. So now we’ve decided that they both need to turn everything (TVs, phones, computer etc) off at 10:30.

I was talking about this with my DSis and she said i’m BU and they should be allowed to stay up later. She said i should just make DS turn his computer off at 10:30 but let them watch tv or play on their phones or read.

So AIBU to make my 15yo DD and 14yo DS go to bed at 10:30?

OP posts:
U2HasTheEdge · 05/08/2019 00:22

In the holidays my 10 and 12 year old don't even have a bedtime.

There are times when I tell them they need to go up because I want some peace but they can read in their rooms or whatever.

I can't remember when my older ones stopped having a bedtime during term time, but they were younger than 15 for sure.

PickAChew · 05/08/2019 00:28

Mine are younger but I think that when they are that age, holiday or not I will still want them out of my way by about 9.30ish so 8 can have an adult evening.

Hahaha

Hahahahahahaha!!!

Currently waiting for 15yo to turn in. 13yo took himself to bed when the thunderstorm hit, before 9.

Lolyora17 · 05/08/2019 03:00

This reply has been deleted

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adaline · 05/08/2019 10:24

I think they should be able to read or watch TV but with the provisio they need to be up and dressed by 10am

Why? Confused

Glitterfisher · 05/08/2019 14:02

I have never heard anyone in RL that makes their kids get up at 8am for no reason in the holidays, that's just craziness. If your children at 15 are not able to regulate their own sleep pattern then I think that is a failing on your part to not have at least tried with them. Once they leave school and have to either get themselves to college or work on their own then will you micro manage this for them too? Surely sometimes we go to bed later and can sleep in a bit longer, other times go to bed late and get up early but you have to manage, other times bed early if you're tired.

It is not good parenting, good parenting would be allowing them to make their own mistakes but guiding them in the right direction when need be. They are teens not young children and we as parents should be arming them with the skills they need over the next couple of years.

DS2 is autistic so it is a bit more difficult with him but he knows when he's tired so will go and chill in bed at a reasonable time, sometimes he will be on his phone as has no real concept of time so we do need to push him to put technology away etc, he is only 11 so maybe he'll get better. DS1 has been self regulating from about 11 and has always been really good.

Glitterfisher · 05/08/2019 14:03

On those saying that you want an evening, that definitely reduces as the kids get older but then mine do lots of activities so we are often not home till 8/9pm. They naturally disappear upstairs by 930 and chill in their rooms.

QuckTheDuck · 05/08/2019 15:35

Interesting. We have a ds13 and his pead and consultant said he should be upstairs by 9 pm. And to not let them sleep in much as it resets their body clock. We let them wake naturally but 9pm is definitely upstairs time. (shower then bed) They also said 9yr old should go up at 7/7.30 and 12 yr old at 8/8.30.

Oliversmumsarmy · 05/08/2019 18:05

I have found as mine have got older we have a similar interests in tv and films so we binge watch things to the early hours.

Whilst when they were younger I really needed that hour in the evening to myself when they were ticked up in bed now they are older it is more like having friends around in the evening

Punxsutawney · 05/08/2019 18:23

I have two teenagers. Oldest is 19 so obviously does what he wants. He started to self regulate his bedtime at about 14. He was mature, sensible and went to bed early if tired and stayed up later if he felt able to. He did this all the way through gcses and A levels with no issues.

Youngest is 15 and is being assessed for autism and we still have to get involved with when he goes to bed. His obsession his playing computer games and at the moment he seems unable to regulate that himself. We are having to do things very differently with him than older Ds but that is because of his additional needs.

Babywasinacorner · 05/08/2019 18:31

My kids are 14, 11,10,9, 8 and months. They all have bedtimes even in the holidays. There is no way I'm having kids running about all evening. I need adult time. I'm maybe not as relaxed as some of the other mums on this board.

BillieEilish · 05/08/2019 18:34

Totally ridiculous YABU

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 05/08/2019 18:38

At 14 and 15 I would let them stay up til whenever if they have nothing early to get up for.I certainly didn't have a bedtime at that age in the holidays.

LoveGrowsWhere · 05/08/2019 18:51

I think no screens/phones after 10.30pm is reasonable. DS 14 goes to bed about then as he has to be up for a paper round.

Fairylea · 05/08/2019 18:58

I am ShockShock at some of these replies!!

My dd is 15 (16 in a week) and she just does whatever she likes during the hols really. She goes to bed when she wants, stays on her iPad until she falls asleep or whatever and gets up about 11.30am most days! Grin She’s enjoying her holidays and I think if you can’t do it when you’re 15 when can you?!

During term time we used to have a rule that she left her iPad charging downstairs but now she’s old enough to know that if she stays up all night she pays for it the next day by feeling awful. She generally goes to sleep about 11ish.

I can’t believe some people are so strict with their teens!

I have a younger child aged 7 and if we have a big day out planned I’ll tell dd and wake her up for it and we all go out together but otherwise she is does what she likes and feeds herself on her own schedule. (Apart from dinner which I do for everyone)

lljkk · 05/08/2019 19:07

mmm... mine can stay up as long as I can't flipping hear them after 10pm. I need to be trying to sleep then.

In reality, 15yo has to be up every morning at 5:50am for paper round anyway.

Aprillygirl · 05/08/2019 19:13

You are being controlling and unreasonable. You've said yourself that your DD is good at self regulating yet you are treating her like a baby. That can't be good for the poor girl's self esteem. As for your DS he probably would stay up on his computer all night at first, because the freedom to do so would be a novelty to him. But you should give him the chance to find out how good he is at self regulation and let him set his own bedtime also. Obviously if after a week or so you find that he's staying up all night and sleeping all day you will need to think again. But you give the kids a chance surely?

Ithinkmycatisevil · 05/08/2019 19:22

You are being unreasonable. I have to say I do like them to be upstairs when we go to bed (they normally are anyway) only so they’re not wandering about keeping everyone else wake and munching their way through a weeks worth of shopping in one evening!

But so long as they’re not keeping me awake I don’t worry about what time they go to sleep in the holidays, unless of course we have plans which involve an early start. I have no idea what time they actually go to sleep, rarely before me. They’re 14 and 11.

allthegins · 05/08/2019 19:25

This can’t be real. If it is, you’re being very unreasonable and I feel sorry for your kids

Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 05/08/2019 19:28

My son is 15.5. I have no idea what time he goes to bed. By Xmas he would be allowed to get married for goodness sake. Why would I tell him what time to go to bed ?

DragonMamma · 05/08/2019 19:40

Blimey. That’s pretty strict. My DD will be 12 this year and this is the first year I’ve really relaxed bedtimes during the holidays. She tends to bed down at around 11pm but she usually goes up at 9/9.30 and watches Netflix.

My DS is 8 and goes to bed at 9.30 during the holidays.

Trixibell79 · 05/08/2019 19:40

I don’t think an approximate time for bed is unreasonable at all. If it’s 1030 pm I would be judging them that it’s time to get sorted for bed at 14/15 years, mainly as I go to bed at this time too!
No tech/TVs in bedrooms or 30 mins before bed is absolutely a sensible rule no matter if term/holidays. I see so many teenagers and young adults with shitty sleep patterns in my work (GP) and inconsistency and poor sleep hygiene is the main reason. Then when it comes to holding down jobs or attending uni courses people struggle. You’ll always get the “super chilled” parents on here replying to a thread like this- IRL less so I think!

Trixibell79 · 05/08/2019 19:41
  • nudging not judging!
Tooner · 05/08/2019 19:55

Very unreasonable. By that age my kids could go to bed whatever time they wanted during the holidays as long as they weren't screaming at the Xbox late at night it was fine. They were in their rooms anyway so my evening wasn't disrupted.
As for the poster making the kids get up every day at 8am during the holidays well that is just mean. Who doesn't love a long lie in when you have nothing planned for the day.

Glitterfisher · 05/08/2019 20:01

I am not sure what sort of 14/15 yos are 'running about all evening'. Most 15yos just chill in the evening TBH.

Missillusioned · 05/08/2019 20:02

Mmm. I have a 15 yr old with no holiday bedtime ( although the wifi goes off at 11). He is now sleeping until 1pm and often not put of bed until 3pm. So I'm not sure self regulation is working here...