AIBU to be furious DH is paying for wedding?

[4dogs]

I had another thread on here about DSD’s wedding plans. She got engaged 3 yrs ago and booked quite a fancy wedding. With 6 weeks to go it transpired she still has £3,200 left to pay (original bill was £4,200). We gave them £1k earlier this year (which was my money not DH’s). DSD and fiancee have child. DSD works a few part time cleaning jobs, fiancee does not work, he did have a job but stopped turning up for reasons unknown.

DH and I agreed not to pay as we don’t really have the money but now it transpires he is taking a loan and paying.

In the meantime fiancee puts posts on FB about don’t let a job wear you out, it’s not worth it and DSD posts pictures of them out for a pub meal.

I honestly think my brain is going to explode. DH just says his daughter was sobbing over not being able to pay and I would do the same for mine (I bloody wouldn’t).

I am on the verge of kicking him out over this. Do I just need to calm down and get over it?

So did your DH lie to you when he said he'd said no to DSD, or did he cave in at a later time?

So did your DH lie to you when he said he'd said no to DSD, or did he cave in at a later time?

So did your DH lie to you when he said he'd said no to DSD, or did he cave in at a later time?

So did your DH lie to you when he said he'd said no to DSD, or did he cave in at a later time?

Oops... it told me it couldn't post

You know what you have to do. Do it fast. & get all these leeches off your back.
Your mental health will likely improve rapidly

If you do split up how is he going to afford rent on a new place, household bills and a loan repayment?

CookPassBabtridge say what now?

😂@CookPassBabtridge!

Looked for threads I’m on, it said I wasn’t on any so I assumed it had expired.

Use the "I started" link at the top of the page to find any threads you've started.

Is he funding half of what's left owing or the whole amount?

I can’t believe he’s changed his mind. I’m so sorry OP.

@TroysMammy if they split up, surely that'll be his problem, not the OPs?

Having read the previous thread - I am really sorry OP but your "D"H has no respect for you and is treating you like a mug. Given the financial situation with you supporting your H it was generous of you to give the couple £1000 that they could have used for a small wedding

It seems that the only one who will eventually pay for this wedding at the moment is you!

• your H has no money and is currently sponging from you under the guise of setting up a business
• your H's ex is not in a position to pay and works part-time for little money (and I believe you wrote in your last thread that the exW doesn't believe the wedding will last)
• the bridegroom doesn't work and expects everyone else to pay for him while he plays games
• DSD has champagne expectations on a lemonade budget - has not saved a penny and is now relying on her specialist subject of "blackmailing dad to bail me out" even though dad has no money to afford it

I don't see either marriage lasting - yours or DSDs- and I would say to your H that if he insists on taking out a loan without consulting you then he we need to take out an evening/weekend job to repay it. But make sure that you don't hand over any more of your own cash (which is what the huffing and puffing is trying to guilt trip you into).

I actually feel ill today from the stress of it all and can’t think straight. I know I have been avoiding making a decision about my marriage for a while now. I don’t like big decisions and often seem to get them wrong

Oh OP, that is sad to read - but you know what? You're not on your own. Loads of us have been through it.

Oh my God - I remember your other post about him wanting to use YOUR money to pay for their unnecessary & extravagant wedding that the the pair of workshy cheeky f@ckers simply can't afford!! At the expense of your eyesight operation!! I was outraged on your behalf!

Even though it's not your money he's using now, it's still going back on your agreement & setting a precedent of 'bailing out' that will never end. Plus, it will have some sort of knock on affect on your life because he'll be having to make loan payments every month!
You must be SO mad with him! That wedding will be TENSE!!!!

@4dogs

OP I am so sorry to hear that this has escalated to this level. I am afraid that I think your dh is showing his through colours now and is more like his ex and daughter then he would probably care to admit.

Don't do it, don't sign anything to do with the loan, hide your id documents as remember these things can be done online and in your name. I really don't think he can be trusted after pulling this stunt on you. Mind yourself

Can you ask him to leave for a bit, OP and give you some breathing space?

I'd also make sure that he doesn't have access to any funds....... you need to look after number one here, as you clearly can't trust him.

OP, you are being manipulated and financially abused by your husband and this irresponsible couple.

As you are supporting and subsidizing him, won’t it actually be you who pays off the loan he may get? If the loan talk is actually BS, he will soon be coercing you to hand over more of your savings. (It sounds like he has already started with the sighing.) Please don’t allow him and the deadbeat couple to use you as a cash cow.

You say that you feel like a ghost of your former self. You will likely feel less diminished soon after you show him the door.

It’s to be “kept secret from the step daughters mum’s fiance and the step daughter’s sister” - possibly because the fiancé has already contributed to the wedding and the bride and groom are trying to keep it secret as they’ve spent the money or are trying to manipulate more from your husband? Someone should spill the beans to him and step back! That’ll be interesting!

Why would the sibling kick off, - because she knows her sister is manipulative and knows exactly what her sister is trying to do? Yup.

Some questions around that element of keeping it secret and I think the truth will out. I think it’s best not to get involved if you can help it, and tell your dh that if he wants to contribute money it needs to be discussed at a family meeting with ALL of THEM (not you unless you want to go) til he gets to the truth. And to be under no illusions that any money you loan to him to loan them will ever be repaid by your dh or them. He’s a soft dad that falls for his daughters crocodile tears.
Something doesn’t add up about that families attitudes though. Something’s hidden. Can’t unite put my finger on it...

Oh no OP I'm really sorry to hear that he did give her the money in the end. If I remember correctly there was a feeling on the previous thread that if your DH bailed her out this time, it would just continue and continue.

Hope you are able to come to a decision about what you would like to do. But don't stay out of fear of not being worth more. You deserve happiness whether that is with him, alone, or with someone else. Don't settle, pro-actively make a choice. x

Pisses me off too that people dont work but still expect to be able to have expensive things like a wedding! Get a job if you want nice things! Grrrr!

Why not give him an ultimatum tomorrow OP as time's marching on now. Tell him if no more money is coming from you. END OF. Also if he gets it from anywhere else such as a loan then you'll be asking him to leave the house. See if that brings him to his senses. Was telling my OH and asking her opinion and she says the worst person in all this is the husband to be who's a total lazy feckless idiot. He's sat there playing games or drinking whilst in a hot tub and expecting her family to pay for his wedding. Has he been to the job-centre today by any chance? Will he take any work, sweeping up, shop, McDonalds. Doubt he'd last a week though. Total waste of space.

Notstayingin, don't think he has actually given her the thousand yet but is making OP feel bad with his moods and getting drunk.