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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have a problem with a man being short?

291 replies

Whateveryoudoordontdo · 04/08/2019 10:20

This sounds - and is - shallow. I know. But it really does bother me that the man I'm seeing is shorter than me. By about an inch. He's 5'5''. We met online, good chat, been seeing each other IRL for about 6 weeks. I wasn't that keen in the beginning, but he's kind, he likes me, he makes me laugh, sex is good and he accepts my weird living arrangement (sharing house with ex due to kids + finances). And I'm beginning to really like him, but his shortness puts me off! And when I talk to friends they tend to agree that height is a tricky one to compromise on...
So has anyone had similar (shallow) issues with their DP and got over it? Or am I just a really really bad person...

OP posts:
TigerJoy · 05/08/2019 22:36

My bestie nearly didn't go out with her partner because he is a good 5 inches shorter than her (she's 6ft). They've been together 20 years + now.

It depends on what you think is really important. I wouldn't worry about this: "I'm wondering if the height thing would be a problem if everything else was perfect." You will never find a situation where everything is perfect. If you think you have, you're deluding yourself.

Your perfect man will be imperfect. It depends on whether his imperfections are the ones that you can live with. Short? Balding? Podgy? Liar? Gambler? Unfaithful? Gets so drunk he wets himself every Saturday night? Short fuse? Possessive? Take your pick with what you're willing to tolerate. Short is pretty benign.

TigerJoy · 05/08/2019 22:37

Also I don't think 5'5" is tiny for a man. I've got friends about that height and they seem man-size to me! It is short, but not like put-in-your-pocket or dress-as-a-garden-gnome short.

Jennifer2r · 05/08/2019 22:40

I just find it fun.

Tall men on the dating scene have a kind of cockiness about it. Anyone who uses dating apps will recognise the phrase '6 ft, cos that kind of thing matters, apparently' with a winking emoji. Big turn off for me.

I've had many short lovers. I have great self esteem tho so I don't need anyone to make me feel feminine, I never feel 'massive' and I enjoy the weird looks we get.

24hourhomeedderandcarer · 05/08/2019 23:08

i only like men shorter than me and if they can sing bonus(my stephen gately and boy band obsession coming out here)

im 6ft and been with my oh who 5ft 5 for 20 years(im 38,hes 37)so hes the only boyfriend ive had really but any men ive liked/like(apart from 1 whos jensen ackles)have been shorter than me.its just what i find attractive,i also hate facial hair and hairy chests(ive pogonophobia)

but even though hes short my boys are not,14 y old 6ft 2,8y old 5ft2,he find its hilarious dad not that bigger than him,so not all short men have short kids

if its a problem or a bug bear for you this early on then you do what you thinks best

puppy23 · 05/08/2019 23:15

YANBU - heights a big thing for me too, though I am admitedly very, very shallow

puppy23 · 05/08/2019 23:15

*in respects to who I'll date! Hopefully less so in other parts of my life

RottnestFerry · 05/08/2019 23:20

but even though hes short my boys are not,14 y old 6ft 2,8y old 5ft2,he find its hilarious dad not that bigger than him,so not all short men have short kids

I've heard it said that a son will always be taller than his mother.

No idea how true it is.

stairway · 06/08/2019 00:03

It’s more like a guy not dating ‘ugly’ girls.

I do worry for my eldest son who at 10 looks like he will grow up to be short. Society sees it as a terrible thing which is a shame as short men often live longer and a an overpopulated world would suit smaller people better.
I know he is going to suffer when he hits his teens. I think he might end up needing an arranged marriage from his father’s country if no woman over here will want him because if his height. Fortunately the women over there are very attractive.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 06/08/2019 08:00

Tall men on the dating scene have a kind of cockiness about it. Anyone who uses dating apps will recognise the phrase '6 ft, cos that kind of thing matters, apparently'

As a bloke and a veteran of online dating there is in my experience not much 'apparently' about it as every other woman's profile stipulates a minimum height requirement. It was quite common for profiles to explicitly state it in the text the importance of this requirement. 'sorry guys but I am 5'11 in heels so if you are shorter then that I am not interested'

Adversecamber22 · 06/08/2019 08:52

I admit I’m shallow enough to much prefer a tall man. Of course once you get to know someone height is irrelevant but it’s if you can be bothered to get to know them in the first place. My woman mate is almost 6ft and she held out for a taller than her Mr Right, it was incredibly hard but she managed it eventually. I had an extensive tick list which was met by DH but I find men extremely annoying overall and always felt like I could manage without one hindering me as let’s be honest you can be as selfish as you like when single.

LittleDoritt · 06/08/2019 09:04

I don't know if it's shallowness but I can't imagine going out with a thin man. Somehow giant men are equated with protection and manliness and general yumminess in my mind. My mother is horrified by the kind of bears I am attracted too. We all have our preferences, and hopefully there is someone for everyone!

ShatnersWig · 06/08/2019 09:16

I have to back up PanGalactic on this. When I was OLD, at least 50% of female profiles would say "You must be 6ft or taller" and the majority of those saying it would be 5ft 5 or shorter themselves. I have some female friends who are 5ft 4/5ft 5/5ft 6 and they refuse to date anyone under 6ft. Oddly enough, one of them has been single for 11 years and has had three very short lived relationships in that time (under 3 months each) - all three were indeed 6ft or taller and all three were total arseholes.

lonelyheartsclubband · 06/08/2019 09:20

This is why I'm glad I'm only 5"2 😂

Every man I've ever dated has always been taller (not hard really...) shortest guy I dated was 5"6

VenusTiger · 06/08/2019 09:25

Put it this way OP, can he do anything about it? No. Is it his fault? No. Does it make him any less of a person? No.
Yes YABU

ALittleBitAlexis · 06/08/2019 09:26

I think it's very normal to have this hangup, I feel unusual for preferring short men/men my size.

My husband and I are both 5ft4, if I were single again I'd hope to only go out with people under around 5ft6ish. I find tall people annoying to talk to when walking, and I think tailored clothes look much better on shorties!

I do think it's a shame to let a good relationship go because of height though, but the heart wants what it wants.

Patroclus · 06/08/2019 09:28

Was this thread so we could be told about the well bred children?

IvanaPee · 06/08/2019 09:29

It’s more like a guy not dating ‘ugly’ girls.

But that’s ok, too! If someone isn’t physically attracted to you it’s not a crime!

Whether that’s because you’re fun-sized or because you’ve a face like a baboon’s arse!

If we didn’t use attraction as a way to find potential partners then what would we do? Every single person would date every other person? Literally everyone?

CatteStreet · 06/08/2019 09:35

Shallow as hell, OP. HTH.

Particularly as this preference stems from a very atavistic association of height with dominance and social conditioning around the relative status of men and women.

But it's entirely up to you if you want to give up what sounds as if it might become a good relationship for those reasons.

CatteStreet · 06/08/2019 09:37

Can anyone explain to me why it is impossible to wear heels when going out with a man if they would make you taller than him? What, actually, is 'ridiculous' about that? Is it 'ridiculous' to go out in heels with your shorter female friend in flats? No?

GherkinTherapy · 06/08/2019 09:50

IvanaPee and others have posted a lot about how you can't help who you fancy etc., but the op is having sex with this man, good sex she says, so presumably she does fancy him. The height thing is something else, I suspect as others have mentioned it is to do with perceived social status. I think it is comparable to older men who only want to date younger, showing the world 'look who I can pull'! Being seen out with a short man is seen as being a bit embarrassing, against the natural order.

ThursdayLastWeek · 06/08/2019 09:51

Catte I was just about to the same thing!

If a man doesn’t like it that you wear heels that make you taller than him, he’s a dick. Because he’s a dick, not because he’s short.

If you feel weird being taller than a man because you’re wearing heels, well I don’t think you’re a dick, but you need to question why IMO.

I know plenty of men who on this thread would be considered midgets and they’re the most secure confident men, excellent partners fathers etc etc.

This 'tall manly man' stereotype is just another way we allow gender roles to confine us.

Scorpiovenus · 06/08/2019 09:52

I just don't find them attractive its a preference nothing to do with any prejudice or say linking it to penis sizes etc.

Although all through time others have mentioned short man syndrome a lot lol.

ThursdayLastWeek · 06/08/2019 09:54

'Short man syndrome' is as much a thing as 'all blondes are thick as shit'.

FleurNancy · 06/08/2019 09:57

Surely it comes down to attraction? His lack of height makes him unattractive in your eyes. We all find attraction in different things and I don't see why that makes you shallow.

FleurNancy · 06/08/2019 09:57

Surely it comes down to attraction? His lack of height makes him unattractive in your eyes. We all find attraction in different things and I don't see why that makes you shallow.