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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have a problem with a man being short?

291 replies

Whateveryoudoordontdo · 04/08/2019 10:20

This sounds - and is - shallow. I know. But it really does bother me that the man I'm seeing is shorter than me. By about an inch. He's 5'5''. We met online, good chat, been seeing each other IRL for about 6 weeks. I wasn't that keen in the beginning, but he's kind, he likes me, he makes me laugh, sex is good and he accepts my weird living arrangement (sharing house with ex due to kids + finances). And I'm beginning to really like him, but his shortness puts me off! And when I talk to friends they tend to agree that height is a tricky one to compromise on...
So has anyone had similar (shallow) issues with their DP and got over it? Or am I just a really really bad person...

OP posts:
Stuckforthefourthtime · 04/08/2019 20:49

The op did not post she has a problem with fat men. So it's just odd to compare her height issue to overweight. Seriously odd and weird.

It's neither odd nor weird. Because shortness in women is not seen as a major handicap the way that it is in men. Far more like a woman being overweight.

EdWinchester · 04/08/2019 21:01

It’s not remotely like a woman being overweight.

Namechangerextraordinare101 · 04/08/2019 21:03

DH is 5'5. Luckily for him I'm only 5'0 (our DC's have no hope). He is actually very insecure about his height which makes me feel really sad as he's such a fantastic husband and father, I can see why after reading some of the comments here.

I think YABU for developing a relationship with him, sleeping with him and then only now deciding that his height may be an issue. It's a bit unfair to lead him on like that.

CoolWivesClub2019 · 04/08/2019 21:06

I'm surprised by how many women on here need a man to make them feel feminine it's actually quite disappointing as I think of MN as quite a feminist site

I think who you find attractive can be fairly primal and not something you can really control 🤷🏻‍♀️

I find tall, bulky, typical ‘manly’ men attractive...and I do like to feel that they could ‘protect’ or look after me in a way, although I can see how that’s very un-feminist!

I’ve never been attracted to a ‘short’ man and don’t think I could will myself into it tbh. You like what you like.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 04/08/2019 21:11

I like my men tall and broad and my women small and petite. However I wouldn't dump someone I was enjoying spending time with solely on that basis. I have dated short men and larger women on occasion when it's been someone I've got to know previously and fallen for but in general terms of who I find attractive on sight, I'm just not as attracted to them. DH is very tall and broad. Love it.

EdWinchester · 04/08/2019 21:12

I agree - it’s quite a primal thing. I don’t want to be taller than my partner and I do not want my sons to be short. Might be wrong, but there we are.

dollydaydream114 · 04/08/2019 21:25

Either you fancy someone or you don't. Every single person here saying that you're shallow will also have things that they happen to find a turn-off in a man.

Nobody is obliged to fancy anyone else.

StoneofDestiny · 04/08/2019 21:31

If it wasn't 'a thing' it wouldn't be a required feature on dating sites. It is just part of what you find physically attractive in a person

Seven777 · 04/08/2019 21:41

I think if it’s only an inch, it’s probably not that noticeable OP? It probably does mean you can’t really wear heels though?

Also there’s a difference between being with a man who is the same / slightly shorter than you if he’s quite broad, as opposed to if he’s very skinny as well. I’m not sure I’d be attracted to the latter, to be absolutely honest. But then I wouldn’t really be attracted to a tall beanpole type man either. The shoulders are quite important for me and I don’t like skinny legs in men. Mind you, I could equally say I don’t go for blond or redhead men and I’ve no idea why that is. It’s such a personal thing.

IndieTara · 04/08/2019 21:45

@TillyTheTiger you sound like me! Those are my exact reasons for preferring a taller man.
My DP is an inch shorter than me and while we have great chemistry I don't like having to lean down to kiss him

tallleaf · 04/08/2019 21:49

I'm about 7 inches taller than my partner! We are both women though.

Durgasarrow · 05/08/2019 05:07

I think it's reasonable to give new people a chance, but at the end of the day, if a woman is not sexually attracted to a man there is no reason why she should have sex with him.

elprup · 05/08/2019 06:29

This is why I'm so glad I'm a short arse - 99.9% of men (including the man you're seeing) are taller than me, so it's never been an issue!

TeintDeNeige · 05/08/2019 06:36

It’s tricky. I’m 5’11 and am not and have never been sexually attracted to men who are shorter than me. Not much I can do about it, really.

I did marry a wonderful man who is 6’1 - much shorter than anyone else I have dated (6’3 usually my shortest).

If you fancy him, no issues, though.

SeagullAteMyChihuahua · 05/08/2019 06:40

If it's a 'thing' for you which it clearly is, why did you bother to see him for 6 weeks? Bit harsh now saying 'you're a lovely bloke in every way but because you're a few inches shorter than I'd like, I'm going to stop seeing you!'

Not like you didn't know at the start!

InspirationWontCome · 05/08/2019 06:46

Listen to your gut.

I had a relationship with someone smaller than me (by about 4 inches) and I convinced myself it didn't bother me. Truth is it did bother me, especially at weddings etc when I had to wear heels.

It wasn't the reason we split up (far bigger issues than the height) but on reflection, I'm happy my now-husband is taller than me.

Yes, it's shallow. But we are all allowed to have things that we find attractive about other people.

At the beginning with my ex, when I was debating it, my friend said 'you're obviously not that into him if the height thing bothers you'. Wish I'd listened to her!

AnotheBloodyChinHair · 05/08/2019 06:46

I don't think it's wrong to have a preference for taller men, but you should let him go now, as you won't get over it and there's nothing he can do to change his height.

JADS · 05/08/2019 06:47

My dh is 5'6" but he is taller than me by an inch or so. He's great.

What stands out to me from your post is that you say that you weren't keen to start with, that you had to be talked into it. I may be paraphrasing but I wondered if you aren't really feeling this relationship. Do you think that's the crux of it rather than his height (which is a convenient excuse)?

bungaloid · 05/08/2019 07:17

At least we will know when society is truly equal. Women in white vans will lean out of their windows and shout "short dickhead" at undersized men who are just trying to go about their day.

SusieSusieSoo · 05/08/2019 13:10

So I have always gone for tall men. I also come from a family of tall men.

I'm almost 50 now. This year I met a lovely man. He is so kind and caring, unlike any of the men in my family and any previous partner. He is the same height as me.

He makes me incredibly happy.

I always liked a taller, more muscular man. I actually enjoy being cared for and looked after and feeling loved a damn site more. We are a proper partnership because I do the same for him and he lets me and appreciates that.

It depends what you actually want in life doesn't it op? But as a pp said if you don't want him let him go find someone who will appreciate him

I am having to rethink my footwear options but hey I'm also having to rethink my general happiness (I am incredibly happy) and my self confidence (I now have some) etc etc

IvanaPee · 05/08/2019 13:23

At least we will know when society is truly equal. Women in white vans will lean out of their windows and shout "short dickhead" at undersized men who are just trying to go about their day.

What are you actually on about??

Same with your “everyone hates me” shite!

What’s with the drama?

AquaPris · 05/08/2019 13:27

I mean... he is very short. Would you still be bothered if you were 5'1 and he were his height?

If so it's not because he's shorter than you, it's because we've conditioned to not want short men. And that is really horrible when you think about it. When even the short girls won't go with this funny, caring man because he's short?

I'd push through and try and reason why you're thinking this way. My DP wasn't someone I found attractive at first, over time he grew better looking as I got to know him and now he's sexy as anything. 6 years and going strong.

Gillian1980 · 05/08/2019 13:30

Not me, but my parents. Mum is 3 inches taller than dad in bare feet! He’s average and she’s tall.

I think it took them a while to get used to it and they’ve had comments over the years but they were head over heels and married within 6 months of meeting.

Mesmermancer · 05/08/2019 13:33

I like a man my size or taller, I have dated a short man but I had to bend down to kiss him which was a proper turn-off. Plus, I like to wear my boyfriend's clothes.

TheNavigator · 05/08/2019 13:34

OP, I think if you have to force yourself to fall for someone, they just aren't the man for you. In this case it is height, but it could be anything - you have reservations and you are entitled to have them - if he doesn't float your boat, there really is nothing you can do about it.

My DD's boyfriend is shorter than her and she cares not a jot - she often wears heels and towers over him. He is quite a short man, but when you see them together they obviously think the world of each other. If that isn't how you feel, throw him back for someone else.