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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have a problem with a man being short?

291 replies

Whateveryoudoordontdo · 04/08/2019 10:20

This sounds - and is - shallow. I know. But it really does bother me that the man I'm seeing is shorter than me. By about an inch. He's 5'5''. We met online, good chat, been seeing each other IRL for about 6 weeks. I wasn't that keen in the beginning, but he's kind, he likes me, he makes me laugh, sex is good and he accepts my weird living arrangement (sharing house with ex due to kids + finances). And I'm beginning to really like him, but his shortness puts me off! And when I talk to friends they tend to agree that height is a tricky one to compromise on...
So has anyone had similar (shallow) issues with their DP and got over it? Or am I just a really really bad person...

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 06/08/2019 10:03

I wish this thread had a poll.

IvanaPee · 06/08/2019 10:06

That’s a good point about @Whateveryoudoordontdo shagging him! Surely you do fancy him then?

Um...is it ok to call people midgets??

carrotsandchocolate · 06/08/2019 10:48

I knew a short guy in uni. Very funny, intelligent, lifted weights so had big biceps and generally fit, sexy accent, the whole package. He was 5'1. I was attracted to him and probably would have dated him if he'd asked, though I'm three inches taller. My friend who is 5'8 admitted that it was a turn off for her though (he was showing interest in her and she was kind of attracted to him but the height thing bothered her.) Years later, he's dating a girl who must be under 5 foot as she shorter than him, and she married a man who's 6'5.

Preferences aren't wrong. It is totally OK not to be attracted to someone based on a physical characteristic! I'm constantly asked if I fancy the bigger guys in my friendship group, just because I'm also big, but sorry, I'm not attracted to fat guys, though I'm a fat girl. I'm working on losing weight as I realise it's an unfair double standard and I can't expect a fit guy to fancy me unless I'm also fit. I know fit guys dating big girls does sometimes happen, just not very often in my experience!

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 06/08/2019 10:52

I wish this thread had a poll

To measure short men against?

Wink
IvanaPee · 06/08/2019 10:54

See, I’ve dated fat men. Overweight doesn’t bother me unless it’s morbidly so.

But I don’t like redheads and I don’t like short men.

Colour/race has never factored into it for me.

carrotsandchocolate · 06/08/2019 10:57

Agreed Ivana, colour/race is never a factor for me either. My first crush was Tuvok from Star Trek! But then, he's tall, so...

ShatnersWig · 06/08/2019 10:59

carrots What's wrong with Earthlings? Huh, huh? Grin

MullinerSpec · 06/08/2019 12:12

Depends on how you were brought up, asians tend to be shorter, as opposed to Scandinavians who tend to be tall so our prefs are often ingrained in us from a young age. If you can't get over the fact that he's short then let another person who doesn't find this an issue be in a loving relationship. On the flip side how would you feel if a man said that they would never date you because you are a divorcee/separated with kids because you are "damaged goods" or "come with too much baggage" or words to that effect?

BlamesFartsOnTheNeighbour · 06/08/2019 12:15

I just can't fathom why you'd give up on the stuff that really matters - kind, tolerant, funny, hot sex with someone you presumably find attractive enough to hop in the sack with - for the sake of an inch or two of height.I dunno, when I was dating post-divorce it's not like decent men were queung up.

GinDaddy · 06/08/2019 14:11

As a (6’2”) man, I find this a bit Hmm

OP, you clearly fancy him enough to sleep with him and see him properly. Kudos for you for coming on here and asking, but I wonder whether the answers lies within rather than polling folk to see if it’s “socially acceptable”

One of the things I find mildly amusing however is how many women under 5’9” , which is the majority, are dead keen to meet 6’ and taller, no matter how short they are.

I’ve dated 5’0 women who want six footers. 5’3” ? They want six footers. All about being “protected”... yet surely if you’re that short, a man of a couple of inches taller and broader is automatically bigger and therefore fulfils this? Stay in your lane, haha!

In seriousness I admire people who know what they want, but at the end of the day not all men are 6 foot, so many people are either accepting or looking at other qualities, or were never bothered anyway.

Personally I’d rather date taller women as it happens, as I’m not into this “protection” nonsense

flirtygirl · 06/08/2019 14:19

I don't think it's shallow as sexual preference is just that, your preference.

I'm a curvy large breasted woman and not everyones cup of tea. That's fine. A short man is not my cup of tea and thats fine also.

However when people get to know each other, both male and female, sometimes who they are and how they are is more important than any preference that we may have.

IvanaPee · 06/08/2019 14:28

@MullinerSpec plenty of men don’t want to date women with children. And vice versa!

Nothing wrong with that.

chazwomaq · 06/08/2019 14:37

Height is very different from weight because you can't change height and it doesn't cause diseases. Disliking height is much shallower.

ShatnersWig · 06/08/2019 14:42

Gin Yes, the term the shorter women I knew/know who would only date 6ft guys always used was "feeling protected". One was 5ft 3 herself and a black belt in TaeKwonDo and was the last person who needed protecting from anyone.

Pinkout · 06/08/2019 14:50

You’re not alone with this. Lots of women using online dating sites will literally write ‘not interested if you’re under 6 foot’ in their bio’s.

Height doesn’t bother me but is a huge issue for some women. You’re entitled to be attracted to whatever suits you really. I wouldn’t be put off an otherwise perfect man just because he’s short though.

MissB83 · 06/08/2019 15:04

My son's father is 3 inches shorter than me.

He's an arse but it's not his height that's the problem.

YABU.

MintyT · 06/08/2019 15:07

My 1st H was 1inch ( showing my age) I was bothered to start with but got over it although did where low heels for our wedding - then it never bothered me.
When I met my now! H after a few dates I stood at a bar with him and thought ohh your taller than me !

But for you I would rather go out with a short lovely you man than a not quite right taller one

RottnestFerry · 06/08/2019 15:13

My 1st H was 1inch

That is seriously short!

IvanaPee · 06/08/2019 15:14

1 inch? Now that’s a height difference! 😂

whatever123noname · 06/08/2019 15:52

Nothing wrong with rejecting someone based on looks but that should be done right in the beginning, don't string them along. Dating is partly about being shallow. We all meet people we just cannot be attracted to even though they're perfectly nice men or women. You can't help who you're attracted to and shouldn't settle just because he's nice. He deserves better, he deserves someone who doesn't think they're doing him a favour by staying with him. And you can meet someone who you're attracted to and is also a nice guy. You just need to decide sooner rather than later before you waste even more of both his and your time.

ZaZathecat · 06/08/2019 15:57

Yes it's shallow, but if you're prepared to end it because of his height then that's your prerogative. How will you feel to lose him?

LellyMcKelly · 06/08/2019 16:01

My DS is going to be very short (about 5’5” if he’s lucky) and when I read posts like this I worry about him in the future. I hope he doesn’t meet too many women who are only interested in tall men, regardless of their personality or character or intelligence, because they’d be missing out on a really great, funny, kind and smart man.

PaddyF0dder · 06/08/2019 16:11

So, short man here.

I’m 165cm at most. I think that’s 5 foot 3.

Being a short man was hellish when I was single. Most women seemed to only want men taller than them, and that was really obvious when I did online dating. I decided never to lie about my height, as it would be an obvious lie and a shallow one at that. Being honest about my height really hampered my chances.

Being short definitely impacted my self confidence and mental health as a teenager and in my 20s. I found that it became less of a problem from mid-late 20s onwards. I eventually managed to have girlfriends and got married, have kids etc.

I suppose I felt quite bitter about being short when I was younger. My height was not something I could do anything about, and it meant that I was bullied through school and kind of demeaned as a young adult. I remember a few pricks at uni resting their arm on my head in the pub as a “joke”. That sort of thing. You definitely feel like people value you less as a young man if you’re short.

I eventually got over it, my self confidence improved, and I began to focus on aspects of myself that I could control. So, I couldn’t be tall. But I could be funny and interesting and fun. I could be courteous and nice and interested I other people. I eventually found a way through it.

But have no doubt that being a short man is a really, really shit experience. If I could add a few inches to my height, even now, I’d do it.

RottnestFerry · 06/08/2019 16:23

I’m 165cm at most. I think that’s 5 foot 3

Actually just shy of 5'5"

IvanaPee · 06/08/2019 16:24

because they’d be missing out on a really great, funny, kind and smart man.

Not trying to be goady but if he’s a child now you can’t possibly know for sure what he’ll be like as a man!

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