To curb my parent's chat under their roof?

[Masterofkarateandfriendship]

Feeling like a total bitch for being annoyed by this right now, but it's getting to the point where visits to my childhood home with my partner (who is not local to my hometown) are really tough. My parents are lovely, generous, caring people in their 70's and live in the small community in which I was brought up. They are both originally from big cities but have lived here for most of their married life. The dinner table chat almost always reverts to chat about locals and what they're up to - not usually funny tales, but generally a monologue about the who's who of the area, gossip and is generally completely unrelatable to my partner who has never met any of the people they're talking about. I try so hard to divert the conversation and find something of interest that doesn't involve talking about local people. My sister (whose husband is also not local) and I have been fighting this losing battle for years. I love my parents but I could cry at the lack of chat and rather than appreciating the time I have left with them, I feel that the only thing I am learning from this is what I don't want to be like when I'm older. Question is....should I say something to try to instigate different.conversation or should we all just carry on as we are

Can you explain to your partner who the people are? Does he actually mind, personally I like hearing anecdotes.
Maybe they are telling you because they don't know what else to talk about...try leading the conversation to more general topics

Just consider yourself lucky you aren’t having to force them to temper sexism and racism in front of the grandkids.

Trust me. There are many topics worse than anecdotes about people you will never meet.

My parents do this. My partner says it's like listening to an episode of Emmerdale.

I just try to steer the conversation away from the inane local gossip saying something like "Mum, DP doesn't want to hear about Mrs Smith's cataract operation"...

that's what older parents do, they probably have no idea what else to talk about, plus the generation gap.

The small universe they choose to inhabit doesn't stop for them just because your OH is there etc. They are who they are, just accept them as they are.

Difficult I know, but I wouldn't cause a fuss personally.

@purpleartichoke yes - it could definitely be worse and that would be horrific. I don't want to sound ungrateful at all and am so glad that isn't the case. It sounds like you speak from experience

Why can't DH take an active part in the conversation and either ask questions about the people they are talking about or start a general conversation.

They are telling you about their world, just because it’s not very exciting to your DP they should keep quiet? Yes you are being unreasonable, totally.

How about each time they mention somebody by name, you interject and explain briefly to DP who they are. This may gently make your parents realise that he doesn't know any of these people.
How about you ask your DP to tell you and parents about some of the people from his home town? This may also help them realise he's probably not interested in their stories.

My parents get more and more uncompromisingly local in their frame of reference the more non-local the person they’re talking to is. Anecdotes about traffic diversions in their hometown told in great detail to a waiter in a city 300 miles away.

My in-laws do this. It is crashingly dull for sure. But they are good people and it could be worse...

@BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo - it's absolutely nothing to do with being disinterested in their world. I get that everyone has their own world/interests, and I don't mind a bit of local catch up but when conversation arises which time and again excludes some people around the dinner table (despite trying to explain who's who) I try to guide the conversation elsewhere. Its just frustrating, but good to know I'm not alone - just not sure how to handle it, that's all!

Why don't you just mention that you're not interested in people you don't really know. It's not difficult. My dad tries to bore me silly with it but I just tell him I'm not interested and we talk about something else.

Say something!

What if it was the other way around... you talked about all your colleagues, or your DP talked about all his friends.

Even talking about your extended families, that’s still hard to listen to when you’re an outsider too.

I think for one evening, I wouldn’t care.

My mum does this. I know all about Don and Mary at the legion, you know? They're the one with the daughter who lives near you (about 50 miles away). I just smile and nod and then tell them about my neighbour who walks his dog and the Don who lives next door to me (Helen left him).

My partner says it's like listening to an episode of Emmerdale

😂 DH says the same but subs in Corrie.

It doesn’t bother me. I quite like listening to people talk about their lives and the gossipy goings-on of their social world. I find it endearing.

A litany of health complaints and sagas of doctors appointments and referrals dramas I can definitely do without. When my parents start that, I do move the conversation on.

If you want to do it in a fun way, be the background facts narrator. When mum starts going on about Susan and her dodgy leg, tell your DH "Susan Harrison, she lives three lanes over, horse farm. No, wasn't a horse injury, she was bitten by a tsetse fly on holiday in Kenya and it went nasty. That was about six years ago, she's still hobbling about. So what's the update mum?"

Feel free to just make shit up if you don't happen to know the people under discussion. That'll perhaps be even more effective!

With my parents I never needed to read an obituary and I am sure more people in their lives died than ever existed. When I asked my parents why their conversation had changed my mum admitted that she lost confidence in general conversation as the world changed around them and her memory was fading slightly.

You should just try and accept your parents.or older peoples conversations. even when they are with the so called younger generation, as you might well be the same when you get to be an oldie.

I am an oldie.and I have been told off by my two children, in their 40's now,that my views on things are too outdated,and that I talk a load of crap ha ha.. It's just a generation thing mainly.. But to be honest, I don't really like to be in younger peoples conversations now. just a different generation,and a totally different way of thinking about everything.

I would love this! I love a bit of local gossip.

Ha I think it’s an old person thing. I call my Grandmother regularly and she’ll give me updates of who’s who and what’s going on in the neighbourhood blah blah blah. She doesn’t go from A to B either, she’ll go A-Z. I love her but gosh she drives me nuts sometimes. She’ll be telling a story and tell me EVERYTHING, instead of saying such and such said this on the bus. She’ll say i got up early and had some breakfast, I wanted to get out early so I got the bus at 9 o clock to X place for some shopping. I met my friend on the bus and we were talking cos her son had visited at the weekend. Anyways we were talking and then X got on the bus and told us blah blah blah. I’m like FML

Oh God, my parents do this. My mother prefers to give me a run down of the health problems of people I never see/barely know/don't know at all. Her friend broke her ankle and she LIVES for it right now, it's made her month. I get an update every week. She's also obsessed with the local garden centers, and gives us a detailed recap of her trips there and what she ate in the cafe.

Meant to add, I don't mind exactly, but I do mind that she doesn't ask much about me or my new baby, and will talk over me to talk about the bloody garden center/friend's broken ankle.