To curb my parent's chat under their roof?

[Masterofkarateandfriendship]

Feeling like a total bitch for being annoyed by this right now, but it's getting to the point where visits to my childhood home with my partner (who is not local to my hometown) are really tough. My parents are lovely, generous, caring people in their 70's and live in the small community in which I was brought up. They are both originally from big cities but have lived here for most of their married life. The dinner table chat almost always reverts to chat about locals and what they're up to - not usually funny tales, but generally a monologue about the who's who of the area, gossip and is generally completely unrelatable to my partner who has never met any of the people they're talking about. I try so hard to divert the conversation and find something of interest that doesn't involve talking about local people. My sister (whose husband is also not local) and I have been fighting this losing battle for years. I love my parents but I could cry at the lack of chat and rather than appreciating the time I have left with them, I feel that the only thing I am learning from this is what I don't want to be like when I'm older. Question is....should I say something to try to instigate different.conversation or should we all just carry on as we are

as an older parent do you not think what you talk about is boring to them? be grateful you still have them, having lost both mine when I was younger id say enjoy them while you can!

Isn't this life?

YABU, they are your parents for God’s sake does your whole life have to be exciting and interesting? Isn’t it nice to get a snapshot of how other people live? At least yours talk to you mine just watch crap tv when I visit 😉

Do you have children? And if so, are your parents trying to swerve your endless talk about them? And if not, why not have some so your parents will talk about them instead?

The OP hasn't bothered to come back and tell us what her scintillating topics of conversation are

What else would be the conversation? Do you have an exciting life your dear parents would be able to converse about? Politics and religion are always good for a riproaring debate at the dinner table of course.

Yes MIL does this, so tedious.

My dm is much better and has interesting things to chat about

Can you talk about stuff you did as a child?

I have an elderly neighbour, we talk about politics, gardening decisions, books, our kids (though they’re at very different stages), science, clothes, all sorts. She’s in her 80s but not like this at all. I also have a similarly aged relative who travels a lot and is great to chat with. People don’t have to get like this.

I totally get what the OP is saying. I love my parents dearly but they do tend towards a monologue about the minutiae of local people especially after a couple of glasses of wine. Its simply not conversation. They just talk AT you and it's actually difficult to try to engage or even to change the subject. They rarely ask anyone any questions and it can get tedious and exhausting.
My inlaws are of the same generation and social class but the conversation around the dinner table is very different - politics, sport, books, film, TV, science, food, travel, holidays, local community events...stuff everybody can talk about.
I think it's fine to try to steer them towards more general topics. And yes to board games...if you can get them to play (mine are never keen).

DH’s DM was like this and retailed in detail at the table every detail of people she knew and I didn’t. It made me laugh as afterwards I’d ask him, ‘Who the hell is Elsie? ‘ He would reply, ‘ No idea.’ She could keep going without a pause for forty minutes. It was excruciating. And if, by any lucky chance someone managed to steer the conversation away from her topic she would say, ‘ But going back to what I was saying.’ And continue.

And if you tell mil about an event or someone she will go into a long winded anecdote about how she went to the place when she was 5 and again loads of minutiae.

So like this?

“I got the bus to Asda on Monday - or was it Tuesday, no it was definitely Monday because the milkman had been so I knew I wouldn’t need milk, but Ken’s off sick with his lumbago, so that young lad James was on, and I got some cream off him, as it was on offer. Anyway, the bus was late as usual, but I saw Doris on it, which was a surprise, as she was meant to be getting her cataracts done this week, but she said that the hospital had cancelled again. She usually goes to Asda with Lil - she doesn’t live near Doris, but they’ve known each other for years, so Lil’s Son drops her off at Doris’s as she’s nearer the bus stop. You remember Lil, she knitted you a pink bunny when you were born and her brother Pete committed suicide a few years ago after his wife left him. I never did like her. Well Lil wasn’t on the bus so I asked Doris where she was and she said that Lil’s sister Madge had died suddenly - a stroke apparently, well she always was fat, and Lil had gone up north to give Tony a hand before the funeral because his daughter’s useless and his son’s in Australia. I was ever so upset, Madge and Tony used to have lovely parties before they moved up north - it was for his job, but she never really settled there, was always down here seeing Lil. I wanted to see if they had any yellow tee shirts in Asda - you should look there for your clothes, they do big sizes - but they didn’t have any so I got a pink one and a green one, and Doris got a lovely bag for her holiday - she’s off to Hastings with the Over Sixties club next week. They asked me if I wanted to go, but I didn’t fancy Hastings, although they’re off to the Isle of Wight in September, so I might go then. I got some nice chops, too, and then we had a cup of tea before we got the bus back, and Doris has the last doughnut with hers. We saw Bert, who used to run the newsagents there, he was having a bacon sandwich and was catching the bus to the hospital for his prostate, so he didn’t come back with us.”

mrsS that was actually quite interesting :o

"great, now that we've heard all about Mrs John, Brown, White and Doe - why don't you tell us what YOU'VE been up to"

"I love ya MIL and I'm more than happy to sit for hours listen to you if you want to tell me about your day, but I don't need to hear about people I don't know"

Worse was when realized and they do it about me when i'm not there, met a friend of Mils who knew where I lived... not just the general neighborhood -
She knew specifically which way my bed faces, in which room, in which house, on which street - It really gives me the creeps to think that this stranger knows where I sleep at night.

And that the stranger has nothing better to do.

And that the stranger has nothing better to do.

And that the stranger has nothing better to do.

Invite them up to you more often and go out more ...then they will have more to see and talk about...
The state of the world , wildlife programmes, gardening maybe a Tv show ... I think this is how most of us end up especially if we stop travelling and working too soon ... at least they talk... imagine too much silence...awkward! My mum does the same you just need to guide the conversation more

The thing is, you have no will to live after 5 mins of the sort of chat Mrs S posted.
I can feel the life force draining out of me.
I don’t like telling my mother anything personal as it gets passed on to all and sundry or thrown back in my face. So I listen to her and have to stop myself remonstrating at the racist/fattist / plain crazy comments.
One that sticks out is ‘well I do hope the global warming continues as I’ll enjoy the nice hot weather😮’

I'd give anything to be sat listening to my parents talking about nothing :(

My MIL does this when we visits, she updates OH on all the people who lived in his street growing up, who is getting married, who is having children, who has bought a house or a boat. I have never met any of them but I think it's lovely. My OH was 35 when we met so he had a life before me, I like learning about who he is through these stories and people.

Your Husband is lucky, when my OH goes to see my parents I have to try and detract from their Brexit rants and (not even borderline) racist sagas. I was the only person in my entire family who voted remain...so I'm sorry but YABU get over it.

I'd give anything to be sat listening to my parents talking about nothing

You don't get it then. Most of this is not just talking about nothing, but showing no interest in the person (your own child in most cases) that they are talking at. Not just once, but every 'conversation' you have.

I don’t pitch up to see elderly relatives to be entertained. Mine arent quite so insular, but repeat the same stories over and over and over again. Dull, but there’s no harm in it. It’s not like they’re being nasty to your partner, is it?