Would you be pissed off if in the first day or two after getting home from having a baby, your dh goes to the gym

[Lardlizard]

? Or would it not bother you

these threads bring all the cool wives out in droves
It's not really a matter of being cool, it's just that we have different experiences.
I didn't need help looking after my babies, and neither of us did the babymoon thing so there was no need for him to be indoors 24/7.

On day 2 I would have been exceptionally pissed off. With my first I was in a lot of pain, was struggling with feeding to the point of near PND and was generally quite vulnerable. With my second, we needed to get used to two. I’m
Surprised so many have been fine with their DH fucking off at that sort of time.

Honestly wouldn't have bothered me
But that's me
If you didn't want him to go he should have respected your wishes

If I have a second it probably won’t bother me if DH does this, as long as he helps out as much as he can when he is there.

Each birth must be different though, I did need help after my first as I had a painful induction followed by tearing during birth and I had had no sleep for three days and couldn’t sit down at all. I was also struggling with breastfeeding and felt pretty miserable. Fortunately I was still in hospital during this time due to DD’s jaundice (a week) and I had loads of help on the ward so it didn’t bother me that DH wasn’t there.

Probably wouldn’t have liked it when I had my first baby and I was still trying to figure out what to do and exhausted. With my other babies where I was more confident I wouldn’t have minded.

If the other parent is getting a bit of space though I’d have expected them to take baby for a while between feeds so I could get a bit of sleep in peace.

I had a c-section so literally couldn’t get out of bed or onto/off the loo alone. It just wouldn’t have been feasible for DH to do this and yes, I’d have been hacked off.

Mine went for a round of golf the day after. Wasn't an issue. I had no family on hand and he went back to work after 3 days ( own business)

Seriously, it’s not necessarily about physically helping with the baby. (Although I physically did need help) it’s about emotional support, being a family. Is it ok to feel annoyed about lack of consideration for your feelings? Yes it is! It’s fine for him to go to the gym if you are ok with it but if you are not ok with it it’s absolutely not ok.

It wouldn't bother me.

What breastfeeding support are you getting? Breastfeeding shouldn't really hurt

Yes, it would. You need to communicate what YOU need. Have you got enough to eat in the house? Have you had enough rest? Are you feeling low and weepy? Tell him, he can't read your mind. ! Or do you have other help?
If you feel dependent and unsure of your body, tell him. If you're bleeding heavily, tell him. He needs to know how traumatic it is for your body and the change in hormones may affect you deeply. Also make him change the baby and leave the baby with him when you need rest. For the first week , you have to come first.

Yes, it would. He's starting how he means to go on.

I’d not like it, no, I’m probably going to have a section and we have no family support so I will need DH - he is taking a month off to help (and he is genuinely helpful, not a useless idiot as most mumsnet husbands seem to be).

I can’t really remember when DH started training after DS was born. It might have been day 2 or 3 but it would have been going out for a run or a quick turbo at home so I guess less disruptive than ‘going to the gym’. He definitely did some kind of training session when we took the baby into his work (a gym/health club) to meet people on day 5. We’re a fairly fitness focussed couple so it would have been weird if he hadn’t been training at all but he made a huge effort for it not to affect family time and still does.

Not trying to derail thread but to quote the midwife who made me scream out in pain as she tried to help me breast feed “of course it hurts!”, not saying it hurts everyone or hurts forever but most people I know found it uncomfortable in the beginning while their nipples got used to it. I think people that say it shouldn’t hurt, while their intentions are good, make people sometimes feel inadequate or that they are doing it wrong. It just takes time, and you may need the support of your partner during that time .

It didn't bother me when dh did it after ds1 was born and he will probably do it again when new baby arrives. It is only for a couple of hours and important to his physical and mental health. However, the fact is it doesn't bother me so it's fine. If it bothers you, tell him you don't want him to go. That certainly isn't unreasonable in the first few days/weeks of having a baby. If you need the support then that takes priority.

Honestly no I wouldn't mind . You both need time off , it's not for long, you also need an hour off

I think there's a clear difference here in going to the gym to let off some steam and PRIORITISING the gym. My kids dad was the latter and we are now happily divorced 😀. Well, at least I am lol

Wait till you start resenting him for getting sleep when you don't. All normal emotions tbh just talk to him.

no. your marriage will probably fail if you try to stop your husband going to the gym

Why would you object, are you joined at the hip?

Can’t be bothered to read all of this because the answer is so simple - NO. Of course it wouldn’t bother me that life goes on after a baby is born! Ffs!!!!

Wouldn't be a problem for me, my late ex husband had to go to some meetings,work related.a couple of days after me giving birth. It was in the days,when most men did not have time off from work after becoming a Dad..

I’d have been furious! Mine did leave the house on his own every day, but that was to do shopping! We were also readmitted after two days at home so I wasn’t really in a state in those two days for him to be off out at something non-essential.
Really, it depends on you - it sounds like you need him there, therefore he should be there as you’re the one that’s just given birth.

No, it wouldn’t bother me.
But if I’d asked him not to as felt vulnerable and he still went, then I’d be pissed!

As long as he didn't go to the gym for the whole day - no ….

And as long as, when you feel up to it, you can leave the baby with him and go to the gym (or shops or wherever) by yourself too ...