Would you be pissed off if in the first day or two after getting home from having a baby, your dh goes to the gym

[Lardlizard]

? Or would it not bother you

I think it depends entirely on how you are all doing.

With my first I was in agony, could barely walk (evil episiotomy) and was fairly traumatised by labour. I felt very vulnerable and needed him with me those first few days at home.

Second baby everything was much easier and it wouldn’t have bothered me at all.

Is it just a trip to the him then home? Is he otherwise supportive, sorting the house out, looking after baby, looking after you? Context is everything.

The gym probably would've pissed me off. I had a terrible time with DC1 and was massively traumatised and could barely mobilise alone. DP did have to go out to the shops etc and i coped but I didn't like it for quite a while after.

The first couple of days after having a baby? No way would dh have even thought about it!

No, my DP was amazing after I’d had a C Section and took care of everything. It was important to me that he got some time to decompress for his own sanity, and because I needed him to be 100% at the times that I did need him.

It wouldn't bother me if it was only for an hour or so.

I wouldn't have been fussed with the first baby but if he'd done it when I had the second and left me at home with baby and toddler on day one I wouldn't have been happy! He actually had to go back to work 2 days after we got home with the first.

Who are these men who cant go 2 days without "me" time?

I think it really depends on how you're doing.
Week 1 and 2 were a complete blur for us, as DD cried non-stop, didn't sleep at all, I was in agony with infected stitches & a cyst, and traumatised after a scary birth.
I don't think he would have dreamt of suggesting it (or been mentally capable of it), as he was doing everything while i sat on the couch with DD!
In saying that, other friends had the blissful, sleeping, cuddly days/ weeks when all went well, and I think for them, it probably wouldn't have been a big deal.

Is this your first baby ?

Actually ditto what another poster said, depends how the labour and recover are. I was physically fine and breastfeeding was relatively easy for me, I didn’t need him round me constantly.

Yes I would be pissed off OP! It's just a bit selfish! Could he not wait until the next day?

My daughters father went to the gym an hour after me giving birth. I’m no longer with him

Thirty years later I am still exercised about the warm Champagne he served when we got home from the hospital.

So, yes, YANBU.

Yeah it would bother me

I think mine went 2 days after, I had a section and have a very heavy 18 month old so he waited until he napped so I wouldn't have to lift him

No, it wouldn't bother me. Newborn babies don't do much, I would just use it as a chance to slob on the sofa and watch Netflix and enjoy the baby snuggles. Tell him to bring you back some chocolate on his way home and when he gets in you go for a lovely bath while he holds your little one.

Unless you have older children, then yes I would be pissed off.

@Lardlizard maybe it’s his way of dealing with, what is, a stressful time in his (and of course your) life. Exercise is brilliant for stress, so I’d say it wouldn’t bother me no. Better than drinking to a stupor instead.

Three days before my friend went into labour her "D"H went out and bought all the stuff he needed to redecorate their lounge. When asked he said that he didnt want to waste his two weeks off

He was a complete prick but so was she in other ways, I am no longer friends with them.

The key thing is in how the gym thing is done as to whether I would mind. Asking if you mind if he pops down for an hour when the baby is settled, no problem. Seeing you sitting there struggling, knowing you want to get a shower, need food, a nap, whatever and announcing "Right, Im off to the gym, see you later" would wind me right up.

A chat about expectations is needed I think.

Wouldn’t bother me particularly if it was the first baby..

Can't he just do running from right outside your door for a fixed amount of time? Say half an hour. Or weights at home? More flexible and no travelling time.

OP. I struggled to breastfeed my first and would absolutely NOT have been ok with my husband leaving me alone. I was in a very fragile state and he recognised it and hung around.

Well, apart from when he injured himself and had to go to A&E on day 7!

I think there’s plenty of time for him to get to the gym in the days and months ahead when things are not so overwhelming for you.

I hope you get some help with the breastfeeding, I found it so tough (especially as it was no1) but you will soon get to a point where life gets a lot easier. Promise!

What matters is how you feel / think not us - but no it wouldn’t bother me as he’d only be gone a couple of hours I guess - maybe he feels he needs to destress - it’s not easy for men watching the one they love go through childbirth ( and yes I know am not belittling what women go through ) - mine went on a business trip day after ours was born and pitched up again 5 days later ( preplanned )

My BIL fell asleep when he took one afternoon off work (self employed) to help my sister after a c-section. Our DM was disgusted with him and as my sister breastfed he did fuck all. In fact he still does fuck all except work and even though my sister who works full time and cares for their daughter he moans that she doesn't do enough housework. She even feeds the lazy shit.

Yes it would have bothered me. I was in a bad way after giving birth, mentally, and physically, and really really struggling with horrendous pain from breastfeeding and the subsequent mental health strain it was putting on me. Also obviously sleep deprived. I had an assisted delivery and episiotomy, I was frankly shell-shocked from my labour/birth which I found traumatic, and I couldn't really walk more than a few shuffly steps at a time because I was in such pain from the delivery. I was in permanent significant pain in my vulva/vagina area and my nipples. I did not want him to leave my side as I felt awful and needed him to support me. And he would never have even considered it because he only had three weeks pat leave and he wanted to spend as much as he could of it bonding with his daughter.

I would absolutely NOT be pissed off about it. What for? it’s not like he needs to help me and baby every second and he can’t help further with the pain, breastfeeding. A couple of hours to himself it does him good. And I’d only spend that time staring and marvelling at the baby without wanting to share with anyone. However, I would be insulted if he went without making sure we’ve got everything we need for the duration of his absence (like comfy cushions, cup of tea, biscuits, blanket, pain killers if needed etc).
Enjoy these magical moments and big congratulations!