Would you be pissed off if in the first day or two after getting home from having a baby, your dh goes to the gym

[Lardlizard]

? Or would it not bother you

Yes, if only you didn't have 9 months to arrange a few days annual leave/save some money so you could stay home with your wife and new baby Alsohuman. Nature's planned it really badly.

Loving the race to the bottom here. Cause its, so, so important that no father anywhere should gave their life inconvenienced in any way but something as insignificant as a wife and child.

I don't think I'd mind, I much prefer my own space and as others have said- bar cleaning/assisting you there's not a lot he's missing out on if he goes out for an hour or so!

Well I didn’t mind so you’re wasting your time ranting on my behalf @BarbariansMum.

No, I mean yes it would upset me because I'd be tired, hormonal and want to be together as a family, however perhaps he needs to let off some steam, he may be overwhelmed and needs a quick pump. X

Nah. DH had to go into work day after we came home. I was stichted up to the rafters, but on a high...so managed just fine. If he'd done it a week later.....meh

At this moment in time - no it wouldn't bother me. I have 3 dcs.

Rewind to just after giving birth then yes it would of more than likely upset me. Hormones + the tiredness and anything would upset me.

Don't be too hard on yourself....but don't be too hard on him either

And congratulations

@Shoppingishardwork working out isn't a hobby. Staying in shape, having relief from stress and being healthy are all important things that should be prioritised in everyone's life.

OP's husband should be allowed an hour or two away, and OP should have time for herself (to have a shower, a nap, etc.) when he gets home too.

No I wouldn’t have minded. It’s not like he was a breast-feeding expert, I wasn’t unable to get around as some posters write and I felt actually very confident from the off, even though I’d never even changed a nappy before DS.

OP doesn’t have a newborn, this was a hypothetical question.

No idea why she started it tbh

Oh-really?

But, being as you are hypothetically asking op .......

Yes. Yes it would bother me. I would be thinking “if this is how you treat the beginning of fatherhood how will the rest of it be”?

And I can answer it by saying I have a friend who suffered numerous fertility treatments and,when the much wanted baby arrived, HE continued his life - much as hypothetical dad did- as if he was single.

They are now, with a 7 year old, divorced.

Did I miss something. The DH is just going to the hypothetical gym to workout yes? He’s not off on a stag to Latvia?

What I do find laughable is all these posts saying their dhs needed to 'de-stress'. What utter bollox, the woman is the one whose been through pregnancy and childbirth, then breastfeeding.

Mother band baby are fine at home, otherwise they would not be discharged from hospital.

My dh seen his wife and his newborns being given CPR, yes a woman endured childbirth, it’s biologically natural for women to do this.

My dh is as equally as important as myself. I didn’t breastfeed, DC were fed, and I napped when the baby did.

Laugh as much as you want! It’s not a onr cap fits all, I’m not a fragile flower in which I cannot be without a man for a hour or so.

It totally depends. Is the infant feeding okay? How is the mother emotionally and physically? Did the couple agree to some gym time or did he just take off without any thought?
Impossible to say without context.

I would think it was a bloody miracle as he hasn’t gone to the gym in the 8 years we’ve been together!
The first day or two I think I would be annoyed, yes. You’re still in pain, exhausted and do need someone there. If my mum or a friend was round and he went out and left me with them I wouldn’t mind but if he left me on my own I would be a bit miffed.

It would bother me if I’d made it clear I wanted him with me, remember day 2/3 can be a real downer
Context is everything if he is looking after you it’s good for him to stay healthy

it’s biologically natural for women to do this.

Didn't bloody feel it. Me, and many others, give birth 'unnaturally' to excuse the expression, that is, with medical intervention. Childbirth can be very dangerous if not fatal. It is also natural, in civilised society, for others to support the woman in the vulnerable early days after birth.

I’m not a fragile flower in which I cannot be without a man for a hour or so.

Bully for you! But it is not a flaw to admit when we are vulnerable and accept or seek other's support. Including from men. In a relationship support is reciprocal. It is a father's duty to support the mother of their child(ren).

Yes it would bother me. Most new parents I know spend the first few weeks staring in wonder and amazement at this little person they've just made, not needing 'time out' from the 'stress' of watching your partner give birth. Giving birth is one of the most physically and mentally demanding things that someone can do and I think their partner should be as supportive as possible. If someone cant give up the gum for a few days following the birth of their child I think it says a lot about their priorities.

But i was a complete mental and physical wreck after both babies, couldn't even go for a walk with the baby in the pram by myself and panicked when my husband popped out for essential supplies so may not have the most rational opinion. Both were very very long complicated labours with post birth injury so I'd have been pissed off at someone fucking off to do push ups while I hobbled to the toilet with double incontinence

Mother band baby are fine at home, otherwise they would not be discharged from hospital

I know lots of people discharged with serious infections, placenta still inside, post birth injuries, mental trauma etc. Not always the hospitals fault especially when it comes to PTSD as you never know for certain who will be affected. But I think its very simplistic to think being at home = all is fine

I wouldn't care. DS was barely awake for the first 2 months so I would have just enjoyed the peace.

A lot would depend what time. When mine were tiny I would be much more bothered by DH going out at bedtime, exactly when I need a lot of support, than I would at some other time of day. I don't think I'd be bothered by it being a day or two after the birth.

Oh FFS all the "I was alright Jack so you should be" cool wives are out in force.

If you're struggling and need support then your OH is absolutely being unreasonable to go anywhere. Fuck the idea that he needs "me time". Or that watching you go through labour was tough (WTAF? )

Walking the dogs is not really the same as doing a hobby! Dogs need to be walked. If not life would be more stressful.

Arsehole behaviour. At 2 days in, you really have to have some 'me' time?

My ex got paternity leave. He used it for going down the gym and the pub (wetting babies head, ah what a sweetie eh? how thoughtful).

This behaviour continued, and I was the cool partner letting him do whatever he pleased.

DH on the other hand, couldn't do any more. Always around, always keeping on top of things, always cuddling babies, enjoying his time with them, enjoying being a Dad. Wouldn't have even entered his head to go down the gym, at any point.

Better a cool wife than a martyr.

But you know about the dogs and can agree to an appropriate plan. Fitness can be done from almost anywhere, anytime. It should be flexible and work around other plans. When a person becomes a parent they need to agree their responsibilities with the other parent. Not simply announce their hobbies in a non negotiable way.