Would you be pissed off if in the first day or two after getting home from having a baby, your dh goes to the gym

[Lardlizard]

? Or would it not bother you

It would depend on so many factors.

But in your case, OP, did he ask if it was okay for him to go? Or did he go despite your protestations?

Not at all. He went from labour suite to work after ours were born.

If it bothers you then he shouldn't go! I am normally for each partner having their own me time but when you have just given birth, sore, sleep deprived is not the time, his job right now is to support you. I say this as someone whose dh did not get it first time round, it took the midwife telling him plainly! Second time around he got it.

I'm not convinced threads like these are a good idea when you have just given birth, they always seem full of superwomen coping fine on their own which can just make you feel shit. I don't doubt them but if you want him at home with you right now and that's possible, that's where he should be.

Another these threads bring out all the cool wives out in droves.

Also the race to the bottom ones, who like to say you're so lucky, because they gave birth to quads and there husbands has to work away for their oh so important job.

How is he the rest of the time?
I you're not happy you need to say so, because it will fester.
When I came home from hospital with my baby there was no food in the house. I took the baby with me to the supermarket and when I came back I apologised to my h for not cooking a 'proper' meal.
For years I silently seethed about this but have finally come to realise that I was equally to blame for being such a bloody doormat.
But my h is an exh. If you want to remain together you need to learn what is and is not acceptable to you and draw a line in the sand. If you just silently seethe they will carry on regardless and it will eat away at you.

I guess if he's not helping you then yes that would be annoying I'd be pissed

I would be pissed off my DH wanted to have ‘me’ time after I gave birth. I spent 3 days in hospital recovering from and physically and mentally traumatic birth. I haemorrhaged, tore and had an episiotomy was in constant pain. I got home from hospital and the house looked like a bomb had exploded whilst I was away. DH doesn’t go to the gym but he made sure he had plenty of me time whilst he was a lazy shit and I was on my knees

It depends on a) how you feel after birth and b) is DH pulling his weight the other 23 hours of the day so that you can have some rest or ‘me’ time.

Going to work, on school runs, on essential food/ grocery shopping runs or to work in the days before paternity leave where he'd have lost his job or not been paid otherwise are in no way comparable. If that isn't blatantly obvious to people then they clearly misunderstood the opening post completely.

Going out to persue an entirely optional, entirely selfish leisure activity leaving your wife in pain and struggling with your newborn is not the same as working to keep a roof over all your heads, caring for your other children and meeting their needs, shopping for the family's needs or walking dogs you already had committed to before having the baby, who'd cause more problems if not walked!

No, Wouldn't have bothered me.

My DH is awful if he hasn't run I loved a nap 😂
Tag team a bit when you can keeps you sane.

Ha, mine went straight from the active end into work after being up with me for 2 nights in labour.......he'd have earned his hour in the gym 😂😂😂

My DH did go to gym in early days... however he also did school and football runs for older DS, went out and got anything we needed, sorted washing, made sure I had meals, snacks etc made and took time to have baby so I got a sleep and baths in peace so TBH I didnt mind a nice hour or so just me and baby

Shoppingishardwork don't they just!

It comes down to if you feel you need him he should not leave you for anything non essential Lardlizard

If he's useless or the baby is one of the sleeps all the time type (only some are - some need to be held constantly, people with sleepy ones seem compelled to deny the existence of awake screaming unless held ones) and your birth wasn't a horrific, confidence destroying, mobility reducing one you might not care whether he goes out. However if you need him either physically or emotionally then fucking off for entirely optional "me time" and leaving you struggling so soon after the birth is a giant fuck you and a clear announcement of his priorities and view of who's important.

It needs talking about immediately or it will set a precedent. He may be so lacking in self awareness that he doesn't realise. Or he may be an irredeemable dickhead. Who knows.

It wouldn’t bother me. Dh went out to “wet the baby’s head” the first night I was home (with ds1) and he didn’t have any paternity leave. However I was a children’s nanny, so confident with babies, I had a c/s so did not have a problem sitting down and ds1 was a very chilled and settled baby. If you are struggling then I can see that you might need the support.

A job is oh so important if only one of you has one and he won’t get paid if he doesn’t go to work @Shoppingishardwork.

Mine went to work and left me with an autistic 2 year old and newborn after 2 days ... no paternity leave then to be fair to him, he only got 2 days because his boss was nice

Alsohuman point is, op isn't 'lucky' that her husband has paternity leave, therefore he should use his paternity leave to peruse his hobbies two days after the birth.

It isn't a misery contest "my husband had to go to work so don't moan if yours goes to the gym".

Who said she was lucky?

I literally cannot imagine a situation where my husband would think that was acceptable.

Wouldn't and didn't bother me in the slightest

Read the thread and you will see those exact words

My DH had to go back to work the next day. No such thing as fathers getting leave for a new baby back then.

But I think it would depend. If it was just me & baby and the house wasn't a total wreck and no C-section involved it wouldn't bother me at all. He'd be leaving me in a quiet, tidy house to bond with my baby. I'd just tell him to bring me some cake back.

But if I had other children that needed looking after, the house was a wreck, or if I was post-op, then yes it would bother me mightily.

OP doesn’t have a newborn, this was a hypothetical question.

No idea why she started it tbh.

It would bother me. I wasn’t in great shape with either baby and needed him on deck to do all the running around.