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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start punishing toddler for pooing in his pants

264 replies

Tigerwhocamefortea · 01/08/2019 22:14

DS is nearly 3. Been toilet trained for about 10 weeks and is very reliable with weeing and hasn’t had an accident since week 1. However he poos in his pants every day. We’ve had about 4 make it to the toilet in 10 weeks and that’s been when I’ve caught him doing it and whisked him off.

He will tell me straight afterwards that there is a poo in his pants and will smile and laugh about it. I’ve tried talking to him and nothing seems to be sinking in. I’ve no idea why he is doing it in his pants but it’s driving me mad!

AIBU to put consequences such as removing a toy if he poos in his pants? It’s a deliberate act, he knows he is pushing out the poo into his pants and I can usually catch him doing it as he goes quiet!

OP posts:
AllFourOfThem · 02/08/2019 09:40

So you want to punish him because he is not ready for toilet training and you forced the issue and feel that since he can do wees on the toilet it’s exactly the same for a child to do poos, so he is being naughty?! He is two! It is not his fault that you did not realise he was not ready for toilet training.

Blobby10 · 02/08/2019 09:52

If he can't get to a toilet, how about having a couple of potties in other rooms? My 3 all found it easier to get to the potty in time then flush the poo into the toilet (and much more fun!) at first before they managed to actually get to the toilet. It might be that once he realises he needs a poo its already coming out!

Definitely support the reward not punishment ideas though.

MemorylikeDory · 02/08/2019 09:53

@scubadive Winecheers to you. Have a lovely day.

greenwaterbottle · 02/08/2019 09:59

Buy his most wanted toy/Chocolate and have it front and centre.
Tell his when his underwear is clean and he poi's in the toilet like a big boy he can have it.
I'd ALDI get him involved in clean up as much as possible. Poo in the toilet, he wipes taking as long as it takes, he gets himself undressed and dressed taking as king as possible, and you say well this would have been more fun if you'd pood in the toilet and you'd have that toy.

scubadive · 02/08/2019 10:16

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scubadive · 02/08/2019 10:21

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happycamper11 · 02/08/2019 10:32

chocolate buttons as rewards!! Like dog treats for doing well, children are human beings not animals being trained. As a I said low IQ.

Oh well, it worked well for us. It was Milky Way magic stars though. Both DC fully trained without accidents within 3 months of turning 2. IQ's fine all round.

Teddybear45 · 02/08/2019 10:34

@scubadive - Indian families potty train between 1-2. My friends who have done this successfully have used small sweets like smarties. No reason for your sarcasm - maybe save those dog treats for your own kids yeah.

ysmaem · 02/08/2019 10:44

YABVU!!!!
He's not even 3! Dont punish him. Start rewarding him when he doesn't poo in his pants and does it in the toilet/potty and dont say anything and react when he soils himself. Just clean him up and pretend it never happend. Tbh OP I think you're expecting to much of him.

mckenzie · 02/08/2019 10:47

Ignore the bad and praise the good. It works for lots of child related issues.
So when he poos in his pants, very calmly and with as little conversation as possible, get him cleaned up and changed and carry on with what you were doing beforehand. No telling off, no change in your body language. All calm and pleasant. No extra attention.

Then when he poos on the toilet, a big hug, sticker on his chart (if he has one) and he gets to choose an activity to do with you for a while.

A friend’s dd, it was eventually discovered, was scared of the noise that her poo made dropping into the toilet. I can’t remember how she over came the issue but it might be worth talking with your son about the noise that his wee makes hitting the toilet and leading in to the poo noise.

Gottoloveabagel · 02/08/2019 10:48

Have you an Alexa? Ask her to play the poo poo song and it might encourage him to go (sorry if this has been mentioned I haven't rtft!)

But yes you are being unreasonable but can totally see how frustrating it is!!

stayathomer · 02/08/2019 10:54

teddybear45 Could you tell them to even use other rewards? Smarties between the age of 1 and 2 is terrifying to me for the choking hazard

Sippingteaquietly · 02/08/2019 10:55

My DS was almost 3 before he stopped pooing in his pants. Just give it a bit more time, he will get there. Defo don’t punish him.

I used to be able to tell when my DS needed a poo, he would go quiet and go into a corner, I would just rush him to the toilet, eventually he would tell me himself. Make it into a game when he needs to go to the toilet, so lie a different game for a pee and a different game for a poo if that makes sense.

thegreylady · 02/08/2019 10:58

We bought a big bag of small toys (farm animals for one and cowboys and horses for the other. For every poo in the toilet and lots of praise. Every poo in pants it was just,” Oh dear, maybe you will do it in the toilet next time.”

Namaste6 · 02/08/2019 12:13

@AllFourOfThem Exactly!

Fragalino · 02/08/2019 12:16

Op I have not waded through the 9 pages but I'm sure it's been pointed out that what he is doing simply means he's not ready to be loo trained yet.

Experts will tell you this, you could end up giving him deep psychological issues if you associate this with punishment.
He doesn't understand and he doesn't get it yet.

I suggest you back right off and put nappy back on and in few months try again. It's not a race, he's obviously in the zone, relax and don't mention it.

ethelfleda · 02/08/2019 12:31

I suggest you back right off and put nappy back on and in few months try again. It's not a race, he's obviously in the zone, relax and don't mention it

Absolutely this!! Put some pull ups on him and give him a break!

Zbag14 · 02/08/2019 12:38

I started to 'punish' my daughter for pooing in her knickers age 4 plus. I threatened to throw her barbie away if she did it again, which she did, so barbie went in the bin! ( barbie actually had a rest in my drawer for a week )
She never did again after that.
Age 2 is far too young imo.

Zbag14 · 02/08/2019 12:41

Smarties between the age of 1 and 2 is terrifying to me for the choking hazard

What? Smarties are really small?

ethelfleda · 02/08/2019 12:46

I read so much stuff on here that points to a general lack of caring about a child’s emotional state. It’s really sad.

avocadotofu · 02/08/2019 12:51

YABVU, Definitely don't, he's only little and he's learning. Try not to turn it into a battle. Maybe get this book so you can make potty training a positive thing for you and your child
The Gentle Potty Training Book: The calmer, easier approach to toilet training https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B06WRNSDVK/ref=cmswwrcppapiii_UncrDb2H7JREZ

Waveysnail · 02/08/2019 12:54

Mine started pooing on potty. Toilet was too scary as they could feel it falling away.

Starlight2004 · 02/08/2019 13:00

Do not punish! And please bare in mind that there can be medical reasons why children do this. For example constipation can actually cause soiling and some children may not be aware they are doing it.

UnaOfStormhold · 02/08/2019 13:02

One thing that might help is sitting him on the potty for a few minutes about 20 minutes after every meal (eating can often stimulate pooing) and getting him to try blowing bubbles or party blowers (this makes the bowel contract in a gentle way). This may help him get used to the feeling of pooing and reduce poo accidents. Does hr have a particular spot where he likes to squat and poo? If so putting a potty there might help. But if it's not working I'd go back to pull-ups for a bit - he can still take himself for wees. But really go easy - withholding is a path you really do not want to go down as pp have said!

BelleCarig · 02/08/2019 13:03

No underpants, have him go commando under trousers (maybe keep elastic ankle hems/joggers etc for this) until 10 weeks ago he's only known the feeling of poo squashed in a nappy, underpants will replicate that feeling. He needs to feel a little uncomfortable for it to be learned reliably. Commando for at least a few weeks/month or until he's reliably making it to the loo.