Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start punishing toddler for pooing in his pants

264 replies

Tigerwhocamefortea · 01/08/2019 22:14

DS is nearly 3. Been toilet trained for about 10 weeks and is very reliable with weeing and hasn’t had an accident since week 1. However he poos in his pants every day. We’ve had about 4 make it to the toilet in 10 weeks and that’s been when I’ve caught him doing it and whisked him off.

He will tell me straight afterwards that there is a poo in his pants and will smile and laugh about it. I’ve tried talking to him and nothing seems to be sinking in. I’ve no idea why he is doing it in his pants but it’s driving me mad!

AIBU to put consequences such as removing a toy if he poos in his pants? It’s a deliberate act, he knows he is pushing out the poo into his pants and I can usually catch him doing it as he goes quiet!

OP posts:
snitzelvoncrumb · 02/08/2019 07:40

Don't put him back in nappies, he is actually doing very well, lots of kids struggle with pooing on the toilet. Could you take him to the shop to choose a few new toys to use as rewards, and put the toys where he can see them. When you catch him starting to poo his pants and you rush him to the toilet, if some poo makes it into the toilet let him have a new toy. Hopefully this will create a positive association.

CatteStreet · 02/08/2019 07:40

Good Lord, he's three, not even!

Toilet training is physiological - or the physiological and the behaviourial are very closely intertwined. Using punishments or rewards or 'you're a big boy/girl now' tactics at this age is essentially manipulation bordering on cruelty to a very young child for one's own convenience.

My 3 were three and a half before they got it. Dd (youngest) is only just recently able to poo on the loo now at rising four. Some children have anxiety around the process of pooing, and how often to we read of anxiety on here in grown adults as a reason for all sorts of behaviours?

Bourbonbiccy · 02/08/2019 07:42

HoppingPavlova oh that is so manipulative 😂😂😂It's amazing how switched on they are for little tiny babies 😀

Timeandtimeagain42 · 02/08/2019 07:44

No!! I've learnt my lesson with my own ds, older than yours admittedly. We didn't punish as such but there were a fair few moments of frustration based discussions or tellings off. It actually has made everything worse and we've learnt the hard way that a cheerful "let's get you cleaned up then" is the only way to respond.

HoppingPavlova · 02/08/2019 07:45

It's amazing how switched on they are for little tiny babies

No way they are tiny babies at that age. The majority are master manipulators. They work that out very quickly.

1stmonkey · 02/08/2019 07:45

Should you punish a 2 year old for not being fully potty trained yet? I think that's a pretty clear no.
He's 2. You seem to be suggesting he's doing it deliberately to wind you up. Again. He's 2.
I strongly suggest you develop some patience. These things take time. He may seem potty trained and then revert back. He nay nail it in a matter of weeks. He may not "get it" for another year, longer even.
Either way, punishing a 2 year old is a pretty strong reaction.

herculepoirot2 · 02/08/2019 07:47

Having a poo is a completely different physiological process to having a wee. It’s completely normal for control to develop with one before the other. Does he not poo at a particular time of the day? My toddler does a poo after lunch and sometimes before bed. You could try being more vigilant about those times and putting him on the toilet, or you could try pull ups. Don’t punish a two year old for incontinence.

ittakes2 · 02/08/2019 07:51

Honestly you are setting him up for issues - punished for a natural body function? He's only 3 for goodness sake - he might not be feeling the urge until he thinks its too late - he is probably distracted playing. I bought my children a small bag of cheap toys ie 20p each sort of thing. They were allowed a small toy ever time they pooed in the toilet.

SmartPlay · 02/08/2019 07:52

@Namaste6 "I'm perfectly sure a 2 year old will wrap his poor head around that warped analogy."

There is no warped analogy here. It's pretty straight forward: "I can't have what I want, because I pooped in my pants."

And he might not be ready, he might be and just likes pooping his pants. We don't know that.

And again: I did not encourage punishments. I just think rewards are equally bad, at least as long as he only poos into his pants, because he'll never get them. Once he started using the potty/toilet as well, I think rewards might work to encourage him to always poo there.

Pinkybutterfly · 02/08/2019 07:56

I think you need to use pull ups. I think he isn't ready for pooing in the potty. It takes a bit longer... All the best

Idontlikeshopping · 02/08/2019 07:56

Yabu. Please don't.

Ds2 did this for ages, he'd even do a big poo on the floor then come and proudly tell me he'd done it.

Don't overestimate his understanding, he's not even 3.

It's really annoying when they keep pooing their pants but it's very common and they do grow out of it.

Personally I did revert to pull ups for a while, not to punish but to save ruined pants, ds kept them dry and treated them as proper pants then eventually one day he just started poking on the toilet.

Every time he did it my heart sank, but I just stayed calm and said "oh dear, next time try to do the poo in the toilet ok ds".

Ds1 was 3yo3months when he toilet trained. Ds2 was 2yo11months, but pooed his pants for what felt like forever.

Both are absolutely fine now.

GriphookTheGoblin · 02/08/2019 08:03

You trained too early, that's all there is to it. We tried my ds a few times. When he didn't get it we went right back to pull ups, I didn't see the point in stressing about it for weeks on end because he just wasn't ready.

He's 3.5 now and has been trained for a month. He kicked both wees and poos up immediately and has only had one accident that whole time.

It's much less stressful if you just wait for them. Most of his peers who were allegedly trained at two still have accidents.

GriphookTheGoblin · 02/08/2019 08:04

Picked up, not kicked up!!

SugarPlumLairy2 · 02/08/2019 08:05

He’s not toilet trained though. He’s halfway there but still needs guidance.

Dont punish him for this. You can reward effort. Filling a jar with toy coins or stickers on a chart for every time he sits on loo and TRIES to poo, two stickers/coins if he actually does one in loo etc.

Reward the effort, if he poos his pants do the baby changing map and calmly say it IS a shame but this is what babies do and you will try to help him prove he’s not a baby etc. Make sure there is no underlying cause forwhyhe won’t use loo.

He is still very young, don’t be impatient.

MemorylikeDory · 02/08/2019 08:14

I totally understand your point OP. The laughing and smiling is a game and feeling in control of something as toddlers always seem to like to try and do. He's done so well so far and agree pull ups would be going backwards.

I'd buy somethings he would like either little toys or sweet treats. Something he really likes. Let him see them and keep out of reach and explain that he can pick one every time he has a poo on the toilet/potty, wherever it is he normally goes.

Good luck OP.

AuntieGT · 02/08/2019 08:14

If you want him prescribed laxatives at a later date then this is the course of action to take.

HarryElephante · 02/08/2019 08:16

He's 3. He'll learn in time. What's the rush? Come back if he's still doing it at 14. Then you may have an issue on you're hands.

scubadive · 02/08/2019 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Clockworkprincess · 02/08/2019 08:26

My ds was the same at the same age. Fine with wees but omg the poos. We sat him on the potty morning and night with a favourite tv programme he would only watch while on the potty and he soon relaxed enough to do poos. Ironically a year on he never has a poo accident but wee ones have become a bit more common 😂

MemorylikeDory · 02/08/2019 08:27

Of course rewards aren't used to 'teach' they are used to 'encourage' and encourage positively if done in the right way for your own child.

Nobody looks at a child about to crawl or take their first steps and ignores them. You'd call them over, be happy, smiley, hold your arms out, hold out their favourite toy etc etc. Encouraging them for something they are on the cusp of being able to do themselves.

Duchessofealing · 02/08/2019 08:30

OP ignore the people saying throwing away pants with poo in them is a punishment - it is revolting washing soiled pants and if you can afford it just bin them. We had four weeks of my youngest pooing in pants even though she got wees straight away and was dry at night immediately too. She was just two too - we didn’t reward or punish, we just threw the dirty pants away and she just clicked overnight. We didn’t make a big thing about them going in the bin but also didn’t hide it (and to be fair I probably did say there would be no way I was washing them and she probably heard). It will come in time - as AnyFucker said grey rock the behaviour you don’t want (and get a stiff gin to get you through it!)

happycamper11 · 02/08/2019 09:25

V V unreasonable. Put him in pull-ups and continue to offer (some really good to start with) incentives. He probably can't help it. His smiling laughing is a reaction to the result not because it was a deliberate or planned event

happycamper11 · 02/08/2019 09:31

Also if he's seeing in the toilet is established pull-ups shouldn't make a difference

scubadive · 02/08/2019 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Teddybear45 · 02/08/2019 09:33

You could try a reward system instead - a lot of my friends have successfully potty trained between 1-2 by using smarties.