To refuse to collect my upset DD(16) from the trip?

[nooboo2]

Just finished Y11. She left this morning for Wales on a 5 night trip. It's an organised trip for 15/16/17 years olds (think NCS but this one is specific to kids in my area). They are at an activity centre where they stay in cabins and do activites etc, and after the 5 nights they work on a project together.

We moved straight after GCSE's from 4 hours away, so she's left all of her friends behind. We decided to send her on this as with it being kids from the local area it's likely most will go to the college she's going to, we thought it would be good for her to forge friendships and have some familiar faces to see at college. DD also was keen to go for the same reasons and was quite upbeat this morning as I was driving her to the coach.

We didn't hear from her all day and I was happy with that, thinking she must be having fun and socialising, but then she called at 8pm. She was in tears because they all went to the same school (the staff said they come from all over the area and several different schools) and they were all at a party the night before and that's all they talk about and they aren't interested in her. She just wants to phone and videochat her friends but there's no service there (she called on the activity centre's phone) She begged for DH (I don't drive) to pick her up. I said no for several reasons:

1. She's going to have this issue at college anyway so better to get friendly with a few kids beforehand.

1. She was keen on going on the trip and promised to stick it out.

1. I spent a few hundred quid buying her new gear for the trip, trainers etc. Because she insisted she needed it.

1. The activity centre is 2 hours away on a motorway and DH has had a drink. Like fuck am I letting him drive there in the dark.

I told her to stick it out for the night and if she still feels upset then to call tomorrow. I tried to comfort her but she just demanded so I ended up hanging up. She then rang DH. DH wanted to go and get her because she's been in hysterics, he proceeded to drink loads of water preparing to go. I managed to talk him out of it and DD is blowing up both of our phones.

AIBU to make her stick it out, at least for tonight? The first day was always going to be hard but sitting at home and pining over her friends won't help her settle. And wanting DH to come for her...no fucking way.

@BoneyBackJefferson - I’m not belittling anyone or their views. It’s my interpretation of what posters are writing and you are of course free to misinterpret my opinion in any way you see fit.

Tarnlou

I did say other posters but I can see how it could be interpreted it to mean what you posted but it wasn't meant that way.

@Tarnlou haha spot on synopsis, despite what @BoneyBackJefferson says!

Left alone to sort herself out...

Can you imagine the DM headlines, if a 16 year old female, unknown to the staff, 'hysterical' by the OP's description, was Left Alone?

We can't have it both ways.

felicis 'error' on the parents' part for ' moving away'?

Seriously?

The world does not revolve around any single family member. Events happen. Decisions have to be made that won't necessarily suit everyone.

You have to Get On With It.

Unless you feel unemployment, possibly homelessness is worth the trade off of a happy teen. Who's now, possibly- homeless.

Please can I ask that everyone who feels qualified to post, here on in, RTFP?

@nooboo2, that sounds really shit on the part of the trip organisers/providers. Right from the outset, when they chucked her in with an already established friendship group as the only outsider; and how they 'dealt' with the situation when she was upset. I would be cross in your shoes, are you going to complain? They have totally ruined the whole plan to get a bit settled in before the school year starts, haven't they. It's great DD got the others social media contacts though. Hope all goes well for her

Life is a journey of learning to cope. As an Army brat I like most service kids spent years of being moved away from friends and Learning start again. No
One likes to see their child upset but she has not given it a chance. to throw a hissy fit the first day and feel entitled to kick off at you like a toddler is not acceptable from a sixteen year old talk to her tomorrow if she is still unhappy take it from there. Does she think it's OK to ask her father to risk his life to satisfy her tantrum?

The trip organisers should never have put a single person in with a group who had specifically asked to be together. That was a very big mistake on their part. Your dd did well to try to deal with that whilst also being away from home and having no contact with her safety net of friends. I have a dd who has just finished Y11 too and she would have been exactly the same. I also wanted to add that 16-year-olds have quite an instinctive sense of who they are going to get along with - friendship groups and styles are quite varied and perhaps your dd realised that even if they’d been more friendly to her, she wouldn’t have enjoyed this group. I’m just speculating on that based on my dd and her attitude to peers.

I hope your dd doesn’t regret coming home and I’m sure this will have no impact on college - there really will be tons of kids there and some will be new like your dd.

@treenymph to be fair, most adult versions of army brats aren't totally well adjusted. Not something to aspire to really

Glad that DD is home & a bit happier.
Hope that she does make some nice new friends at College.

Pricedrop I take it you are speaking from experience as a fellow brat if not your comment is clearly made from ignorance and the stupidity of assumption. The service life may not be perfect but most brats arrive at adulthood a good deal better prepared for life than many of this entitlement generation who expect others to solve their problems when they "can't cope"

I would have cajoled her into staying. I think this experience will only make things more difficult for her going forward. My own DDs went on foreign exchange trips at 15 and 16 and knew there was no 'coming home'!

She needs to learn about responsibility, and that you don't give up on things at the earliest opportunity.

Touchmybum a foreign exchange trip is very different, not comparable to the situation the OP's DD was in.