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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6 hour round trip to drop off DD's boxes at student house?

161 replies

saladfingers · 01/08/2019 20:25

My DD (20) is just about to start her final year at university. She has been home a couple of times over the summer but generally has stayed at her student house (end July) as she has a internship over the summer giving her experience in her chosen career. We have really missed her but understand that gradually she will come home less often. She also has a BF, whom she met during her course who lives in close proximity. Over the next month she is virtually homeless and is staying with BF and his family for a while but generally sofa surfing. She had decided to put her stuff into storage for the month but didn't get round to it(probably money related) .

Now she has decided that Bf is driving her home this weekend (we're away) to attend a party and drop off her stuff. She has asked me to drive her stuff down on 1st Sept. This will be 6 hour return trip costing approx. £60 in fuel. I feel a bit mean to refuse but it really will be a wasted day for me. I won't even get to spend any quality time with her. Aibu to offer to share the cost of storage /insurance with her rather than waste a day doing this? Or am I mean uncaring mother?

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 01/08/2019 20:27

Well, I consider sharing a journey quite good quality time. I think you’re being a bit mean tbh. I’d do it for dd and either of my parents would have done (—did—) it for me when I was at uni.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 01/08/2019 20:28

can’t you go a day earlier and spend the day with her and stay over?

Original poster
saladfingers · 01/08/2019 20:28

My daughter won't be with me in the car. She will be waiting at her new student house for me to do off stuff. I can't for the rest of the family in the car so I will be driving on my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
saladfingers · 01/08/2019 20:29

Sorry for typos

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 01/08/2019 20:30

I'd do it as well. If you don't fancy doing it in a day could you have a night in a hotel at her university town?

CMOTDibbler · 01/08/2019 20:31

I'd pay for a month of storage!

Disfordarkchocolate · 01/08/2019 20:31

I'd pay for the storage if it saved that much driving.

IDontDrinkTea · 01/08/2019 20:31

How much stuff is there? Could you look at the price of sending it via dpd/ parcelforce/similar?

HopelessLayout · 01/08/2019 20:31

Go for the storage. It will be cheaper and more convenient.

MrsMozartMkII · 01/08/2019 20:32

I'd take it.

Drpeppered · 01/08/2019 20:32

I don’t understand why you see this as an issue really. My parents did that journey multiple times when I was at university. It was a 7 hour trip, and every year and at Christmas they’d collect me and drop me back, with my belongings. They saw it as part and parcel of having a child at university.

Thequaffle · 01/08/2019 20:33

It would make more sense for her to just put it in storage close to where she will be on Sept 1st. Where will you store it for the month between anyway?

Mustbetimeforachange · 01/08/2019 20:35

Yes I see it as part & parcel. Mind you I came home in the holidays & so do my DCs, so it was taking them back/collecting.

herculepoirot2 · 01/08/2019 20:36

I’d probably do it.

Purpleartichoke · 01/08/2019 20:38

Having looked into storage costs, driving it will be dramatically cheaper. I would do it for my offspring and I hate long drives. If not, I would offer to pay the full cost of storage.

cardibach · 01/08/2019 20:38

6 hour return trip means 3 each way, so leave at 9, there for lunch, spend all afternoon with DD, leave at 7, home by 10. Perfectly doable, allowing some quality time. I live in the middle of nowhere though, where a drive of an hour or more for a meal or a shop is nothing.

fussychica · 01/08/2019 20:38

Assume Send My Bag is still going. DS used this to transport his stuff to and from the Basque country when he was on his year abroad. Was a bit messy but everything was picked up and dropped off as planned and it was quite cheap.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/08/2019 20:41

I wouldn’t do it unless she could commit to spending most of the day with you.

Floralnomad · 01/08/2019 20:41

I fail to understand why someone would not do this type of thing to help their dc out .

HollowTalk · 01/08/2019 20:44

Wouldn't it work out cheaper to put it in storage? It's August now - no reason for them to bring it back and you return it a month later.

LegionOfDoom · 01/08/2019 20:47

This just makes me appreciate my parents so much more.

They dropped/picked me up from uni whenever I asked. Did the same for ds and db. It was a 5 hour trip and they never once complained.

Just do it. She’s at uni. Just support her.

SuzieQ10 · 01/08/2019 20:47

Sounds like you don't see her very much and she's asking you for a bit of help. Drive over, drop off stuff, go for lunch with your DD and spend a bit of time with her / show some interest in her new place. Then drive home.

My dad would drive up from London to visit me in the North once every term while at uni. We'd spend the day together and it was nice. Meant a lot that he made the effort to drive up (it was 3.5h each way).

lavenderbluedilly · 01/08/2019 20:48

Just one of those things you do as a parent 🤷🏼‍♀️

My parents did the same for me, and hope I would also help my DC out too, once the time comes

Thekingintheeast · 01/08/2019 20:49

My parents visibly resented doing uni pick ups and it was done under great duress. My DD is off to uni in sept and I never want her to feel the way that they made me feel.

Reallybadidea · 01/08/2019 20:50

Negotiate doing it at a time when you can then spend a bit of time with her at the same time as doing the delivery.