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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6 hour round trip to drop off DD's boxes at student house?

161 replies

saladfingers · 01/08/2019 20:25

My DD (20) is just about to start her final year at university. She has been home a couple of times over the summer but generally has stayed at her student house (end July) as she has a internship over the summer giving her experience in her chosen career. We have really missed her but understand that gradually she will come home less often. She also has a BF, whom she met during her course who lives in close proximity. Over the next month she is virtually homeless and is staying with BF and his family for a while but generally sofa surfing. She had decided to put her stuff into storage for the month but didn't get round to it(probably money related) .

Now she has decided that Bf is driving her home this weekend (we're away) to attend a party and drop off her stuff. She has asked me to drive her stuff down on 1st Sept. This will be 6 hour return trip costing approx. £60 in fuel. I feel a bit mean to refuse but it really will be a wasted day for me. I won't even get to spend any quality time with her. Aibu to offer to share the cost of storage /insurance with her rather than waste a day doing this? Or am I mean uncaring mother?

OP posts:
Ninkaninus · 01/08/2019 20:50

I’d do it. It’s not a wasted day, it’s a day helping my daughter out.

Why not get a cheap hotel for the night and see her the next morning or for lunch or something?

Lolly25 · 01/08/2019 20:51

Why wouldn't you?
Shes your daughter and still in education .
We live in Lonfon and would often drive stuff up for our sons in St.Andrews when he was in university.
To me its part of being a parent and both boys have always been grateful for anything we do for them and now in their 30s, vice versa.

LadyRannaldini · 01/08/2019 20:52

The number of time OH and daughter collected me after work, 3.45, we drove a 4.5 hours journey, dropped off her and her stuff, turned round and came home! Never begrudged it, though a cup of coffee might have been good before we set off back!

candycane222 · 01/08/2019 20:53

I get that if it was the only option you'd want to help, but it just seems a bit daft to ship a carload of stuff across the country for just a month, then ship it all back. Could it be left at BF's place (if all neatly packed up)? She could get bfs parents a lovely bouquet or something for about half the petrol cost, and the planet gets spared the unnecessary carbon emissions from all that driving

Ninkaninus · 01/08/2019 20:54

We made the journey multiple times over my daughter’s time at uni, and it was a longer drive than that. But we did make it an overnighter each time.

candycane222 · 01/08/2019 20:55

I mean, I'd do it if I got to have a really nice half day with her without facing horrible traffic/v early/v late, but it sounded as though the whole thing was going to be squeezed for time

sue51 · 01/08/2019 20:56

I'd do it without thinking twice. It's what you for your student children.

NCpreggo · 01/08/2019 20:57

As pp said could she leave it with her bf or a friend in the area?

Does seem a bit pointless for a month of storage.

There are websites where you can rent part of someone's garage/spare room etc - like airbnb for junk!

Daddylonglegs1965 · 01/08/2019 20:57

I think YABU yes it is a long journey but just part and parcel of supporting a child at Uni can you. It arrange to go out for a nice lunch or coffee and cake so you get some quality time with DD and a break before the long drive home?

itbemay1 · 01/08/2019 20:58

I'd do whatever Is easier for my DC or my nieces /nephews... it's a one off not like a regular arrangement!

Silvercatowner · 01/08/2019 20:58

I'd also do it without thinking twice - and did do it, quite a few times.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/08/2019 20:58

Just pay for the storage. Her bf can take the stuff there.

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 01/08/2019 20:59

I’ve done this countless times! Often just a drop/pick up stuff & off. Don’t get the issue? I’ve also gone (& shock, horror) helped clean up her room. Isn’t this all what being a parent is?

Tucobenedicto · 01/08/2019 20:59

Heaven help your daughter if she ever needs a kidney or some other organ from you.....

AngelasAshes · 01/08/2019 21:00

You are immensely privileged to be in a position to help your daughter. I’m sitting here disabled, unable to drive and would jump at the chance to be able to do something like this for my DDs. Don’t think of it as something you have to do, but something you get to do.

recklessgran · 01/08/2019 21:00

I'd drive to the ends of the earth to help my DD's so yes, I would take it and probably take her and her b/f out for dinner before I drove back.[ I get that most people probably wouldn't do it though.] It's your choice OP.

fussychica · 01/08/2019 21:00

It was 4.5 hours each way for us. It was a real slog with half the trip on slow cross country roads but would never have thought of not doing it.

JudgeRindersMinder · 01/08/2019 21:02

YABU why on earth would you not? You see a day doing something for your daughter as wasted? People really are weird

UsedtobeFeckless · 01/08/2019 21:03

DP and I do this for DS1 several times a year. I don't mind driving and l want to help him out. My parents didn't do it for me and l didn't realise l minded until DS started at Uni!

Alb1 · 01/08/2019 21:04

I’d do it, and my mum did it for me when I was at uni (3 and a half hours each way). When at uni they havnt fully left home anyway, I’m surprised she considered storage and that she’s ‘homeless’ (although I’m sure you wouldn’t see her actually homeless) while a student. It’s one day out of your week doing a favour for one of the most important people in your life. If it’s about the petrol money ask her to contribute

IWouldPreferNotTo · 01/08/2019 21:04

Dpd is amazing. I shipped 30kg boxes to Poland to £15 a box. If you dont want to make the drive i would just ship it.

slipperywhensparticus · 01/08/2019 21:05

Would you see your daughter at all? Mine is three hours away sometimes I've had to do drive drop and run its fucking awful especially if your the only driver the last time we stayed overnight as i get exhausted and dont want to crash

notsohippychick · 01/08/2019 21:05

My parents would have done this for me in a heartbeat.

impostersyndrome · 01/08/2019 21:05

I totally get the not wanting to drive. Have you tried getting a quote for a company to do it? Try www.anyvan.com/ - friends used it recently and they were great.

sonjadog · 01/08/2019 21:05

It would seem more practical to pay for storage for her where she is, but if you can spend the night and spend some time with her by doing that, then why not drive down the boxes for her?

Thinking about it, my parents drove every Autumn and Spring from Northern Ireland to southern England to drop off/ pick up my stuff when I was a student. And then they did the trip again for my brother. I don't think I ever really appreciated what they did! I must say thanks to my Mum next time we speak...