Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6 hour round trip to drop off DD's boxes at student house?

161 replies

saladfingers · 01/08/2019 20:25

My DD (20) is just about to start her final year at university. She has been home a couple of times over the summer but generally has stayed at her student house (end July) as she has a internship over the summer giving her experience in her chosen career. We have really missed her but understand that gradually she will come home less often. She also has a BF, whom she met during her course who lives in close proximity. Over the next month she is virtually homeless and is staying with BF and his family for a while but generally sofa surfing. She had decided to put her stuff into storage for the month but didn't get round to it(probably money related) .

Now she has decided that Bf is driving her home this weekend (we're away) to attend a party and drop off her stuff. She has asked me to drive her stuff down on 1st Sept. This will be 6 hour return trip costing approx. £60 in fuel. I feel a bit mean to refuse but it really will be a wasted day for me. I won't even get to spend any quality time with her. Aibu to offer to share the cost of storage /insurance with her rather than waste a day doing this? Or am I mean uncaring mother?

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 01/08/2019 21:06

I’ve done it lots of times. Stay over in a Premier Inn or somewhere else cheap to break the journey if six hours feels too long.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 01/08/2019 21:06

Having had dd just finish uni and done the trips back and forth with so much stuff, I'd be encouraging her to be ruthless and jettison as much as she can. God knows where it comes from! Then she may be able to move what's left to her new place. (Btw, I don't think you're being mean, yes we help our kids, but sometimes we can't, or it's good for them to stand in their own feet)

NameChange92 · 01/08/2019 21:10

I think it depends whether you’d actually get to see your dd and spend time with her or not. If you can drive up early spend the day with her and then drive back yabu. If you’d literally be dropping off the boxes and then heading back yanbu to look into storage, though it does depend on the cost and whether you/ she can afford it

BackforGood · 01/08/2019 21:11

I don't understand where her stuff has been for the last 2 months ?

Most dc finish the end of May. If she gave up he last year house, then usually the new tenants have to start paying from then, so she would presumably have emptied her (last year's) house then. So where has her stuff been until now ?
Can't her boyfriend store it somewhere, or one of her pals who is staying in their house ?

All that said, I would take her things up - get there late morning, have lunch together, see her new house, help her get things straight, and set off to drive home after the rush hour.
It's what you do for your dc, when they are at University, and, as others have said, it would be nice to see her if she hasn't been home much over the Summer. Plus, I'm nosey enough to want to know what the house is like.

TheFairyCaravan · 01/08/2019 21:11

Why is this even a question, and why are you referring to her as practically homeless? Her home is still with you, surely?

I don't understand why you need to be asking this. Our children know that we'd do this for them and I'm happy that they do, because everything my parents, well my mother really, did was done begrudgingly. We all help each other here and we very much appreciate it.

TanMateix · 01/08/2019 21:11

I would drive to the end of the world for DS, but if he can come home for a party but makes no effort in spending time with me, is going to drop his stuff and is expecting me to deliver all his shit so many hours away ALONE. No chance.

I’m his mother, not his doormat. Simples

RingtheBells · 01/08/2019 21:13

I would just send it with a luggage delivery service

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/08/2019 21:14

I’d do it.

Justaboy · 01/08/2019 21:16

Its just part and pacel of having offspring at Uni.

Been there visted Cardiff more times that i can remeber, very nice place and people there too:)..

VenusTiger · 01/08/2019 21:17

Meet bf and DD halfway at nice pub/restaurant/park, transfer stuff into his car, spend day together then go home. 3hrs driving in total.

VeThings · 01/08/2019 21:18

I’d pay for storage for her

VeThings · 01/08/2019 21:18

And ask when she’s coming back to have a nice weekend with you :)

chickenyhead · 01/08/2019 21:19

I used to pack my stuff in to 3 huge holdalls and a backpack by train each year. Every step of the journey up steps or walking taking 3 trips as the bags were so heavy. I would take anything I couldn't carry to the charity shop.

My parents didn't want me to go to uni, so I made my own bed and persevered in it. Did it make me a better person? No, it reinforced all of my self doubts and belief that i was alone in the world.

Only you know whether your daughter is spoilt or genuinely in need. Therefore nobody on here can give you unbiased advice in answer to your question.

However, the decision you make could have an impact upon how your child views you and herself, so you choose what is right for you x

TatianaLarina · 01/08/2019 21:19

Storage definitely.

My siblings and I could all drive by the time it came to uni, it’s much more convenient for the parents!

XXcstatic · 01/08/2019 21:19

My parents visibly resented doing uni pick ups and it was done under great duress. My DD is off to uni in sept and I never want her to feel the way that they made me feel

My mother not only refused to do pick ups, but she wouldn't even help me carry my stuff in from the car. I'll never forget her lying on a sun lounger as I lugged my boxes in one summer (for context, she was perfectly healthy, did not work and I helped her out in all sorts of ways, including doing 50% of caring for her own DM). In fairness, she did lend me her car, but I had to come home by coach, pick it up and drive it there and back in a day (7 hour round trip). She never lost an opportunity to rub in how much of a nuisance I was Sad

30under · 01/08/2019 21:20

Another recommendation for Anyvan.co.uk...

CorBlimeyGovenor · 01/08/2019 21:21

Can't she just keep it at her BF's parents house in the loft? Or in plastic storage boxes in the corner of the garden?

missbattenburg · 01/08/2019 21:22

I think your adult dd is a cheeky mare myself but from a practical pov it must be not much more expensive to hire a man with a van to take stuff down to her. I had a massive fridge freezer transported 200 miles for about £100 - about 3 years ago.

TatianaLarina · 01/08/2019 21:23

Or Shiply.co.uk

campion · 01/08/2019 21:23

It's what you do when you're a parent. They need you in different ways at different stages, but they need you.
You won't get anything out of it apart from your dd's appreciation and the knowledge that you've helped her. So not really wasted.

CorBlimeyGovenor · 01/08/2019 21:24

My parents would have picked me up and my stuff from uni, but not just driven all that way to collect or return my belongings. It's not like she's in her first year, being dropped off etc. I think that you should get her to explore other options first, including other friends close by.

0DimSumMum0 · 01/08/2019 21:24

Why wouldn't you? It seems really uncaring. My parents did that kind of trip every weekend when I first started and many times after to collect and pick up belongings. They didn't even think twice.

SideEyeing · 01/08/2019 21:27

I don't think you're being unreasonable. My parents would have (and did) pick me up with my stuff at the start and end of every term, but I'd have felt really cheeky asking one of them to do a six hour round trip to be a courier without even taking them for lunch or something.
DPD.

MartiniDry · 01/08/2019 21:28

Several posters have spoken of having "a child at university", and of "a student child".

It's very rare for children to attend university, is it not?
Why would an adult be incapable of arranging their own storage of goods? Why would an adult think it less than an imposition to expect or ask their parent to carry out a 6 hour round trip rather than sorting the job out themselves?

I wouldn't do it, OP, not least because I'd expect my adult offspring to be mature enough to make their own arrangements.

Cheby · 01/08/2019 21:28

This is just what you do for kids at uni, isn’t it? My parents always drove me and my stuff there and back at the start and end of each term, until I got my own car at the start of my 4th year. We weren’t allowed to leave anything over the holidays.

I’m fully expecting to do the same for my DC if/when the time comes.

Why can’t you spend the day with her when you drop her stuff off? Or drive down one day, stay overnight and have a full day with her?

Swipe left for the next trending thread