To not understand why DH is leaving so early for friends wedding reception?

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DH is off to an old friends wedding reception this evening. I was invited, as were our children, but I’m 35 weeks pregnant and our DC’s are only 2.5 and 1.5 so dragging them over to the next town at half 7 at night made little sense, as did me going and sitting there heavily pregnant unable to drink. So, DH is going alone - I’m totally okay with this as wouldn’t want him to miss out just because I’m pregnant - plus it also saves us a bit of money too with me not going.

Anyway, DH doesn’t have to be at the venue until 7:30pm. He’s planning on leaving home today at 1pm. He’ll need to take one train for just under 15 minutes, then a bus for 30 mins to get him to the hotel he’s booked in to. A cab from the hotel to the venue later on tonight will take no more than 15 minutes.
When I asked him why he’s leaving so early, he’s said ‘he wants to chill out before going to the reception’. Fair enough, I get that, it can sometimes take me 2 hours to properly sort myself out for a night out - especially if I’m having a few glasses of wine in between caking my face with make up - but does he really need to get to the hotel 5 HOURS before he even needs to leave for the venue!?

FWIW, tonight will be the fifth night away DH has had so far this year, so it's not as if he never has time away or never has fun, in comparison, I’ve had zero nights away since our first dc was born 2 and a half years ago.... so I guess I’m a bit at why he needs SO much chill out time today, when I’m the hugely pregnant one, stuck in with two DC’s under three every single day 🤷🏻‍♀️

AIBU to think he really doesn’t need to leave so early!? I’m fine with him attending the reception and staying in the hotel overnight, but leaving our house almost 7 hours before the reception starts almost feels like a bit of a pisstake when it’s me who’ll be left with the DC’s all afternoon while he just ‘chills out’ in a hotel before a fun evening out getting pissed, then staying overnight in a nice hotel!

(I’m aware I’m likely coming off as jealous. Truth to be told, I am! I wish I could be the one to sit in a hotel for hours then attend a wedding and get drunk, flop in to a hotel bed afterwards and not have to worry about getting up with the DC’s the following morning!!!!)

Op I would be RAGiNG!! Could you not get a babysitter and go too? I know you're heavily pregnant but it might be nice! Even if you stayed in the hotel just chilling!

That sounds a bit weird. Have you any reason to think he might be up to something?

5 nights away overnight in 8 months is not bad...he probably just wants to get to the hotel room, chill out, enjoy a few drinks and have some down time. No crime in that.

Maybe he wants a kip before the reception starts?

That's really annoying! What reason is he giving for leaving so early?
You need to organise a few hours away yourself, with a friend maybe, in the next week or two.

I don’t think it’s “to get away from you” in a mean way - I think he is however taking advantage of a nice chilled child free afternoon in a hotel which we would also like to do!
I would say you get it but just think it’s a bit thoughtless as while he’s chilling in his pants in a hotel you’re wrestling small children

5 nights away overnight in 8 months is not bad...he probably just wants to get to the hotel room, chill out, enjoy a few drinks and have some down time. No crime in that.

If that’s at the expense of the OP having NO nights away and having to be pregnant and look after two other kids, I can see why she thinks it’s unfair!

Unless he is preventing you from having time away yourself YABU. Just organise a girls weekend away for yourself or a spa weekend or just a night in a hotel by yourself and tell DH that he has the DC that weekend.
FWIW I think your DH is being a bit selfish going so early but people do need time off. He is organising his so you organise yours.

Does he like cricket?

Tbh, I do think 5 nights away in 8 months when we have DC's as young as ours is bad! I'm not talking nights out, I mean actual nights away - over night stays.

He went on this friends stag do about 6 weeks ago, so enjoyed several days/nights away then, then about two weeks after that, he was out again celebrating a birthday, and now it's the wedding. So in less than two months, he's had plenty of opportunities to unwind, recharge, 'let his hair down' so to speak. I just feel like leaving so early today is uncalled for and unnecessary.

Op, could you go away if you wished to? It is difficult when you have three kids in quick succession, but could you do so if you wished? Someone is suggesting that his nights away ar at the expense of yours. But you've not said that,

And you know why he going early. To maximise the break.

He could be meeting friends for pre-drinks?

I think you need to chill out and let him enjoy some time away.

Why don't you have time away? Does he contribute to the home?
If he generally a selfish person, you have a right to be irritated.
If he's not, you don't really.

Why don't you all go to the hotel and then you leave when it's time for him to go to the wedding?

But wouldn't he be at work anyway if he wasn't going to this reception, so he wouldn't be at home anyway.

Everyone is different I guess, we all have our own boundaries, I just don't see the harm in spending 5 nights out of say 155 away from home. As long as you can do the same (not right now, would be no fun heavily pregnant) but a lot of these cases, people moan about their DH staying away but when challenged on why they don't do the same they say it's because they don't want to.

Stop acting like a martyr and do something for yourself.
Tell him to take the kids out so you have the house to yourself.
Tell him to keep the kids while you go out with mates/overnight stay.
Tell someone to babysit whilst you both go out on a date with each other.

He probably wants to relax away tbh. That’s pretty clear.

He's not meeting friends, he's just going to the hotel to sit there for 5 odd hours before needing to leave for the reception.

I've not had nights away myself due to money. 'My' money, I tend to spend on making our home look nice, 'treat' takeaways etc. DH will simply save his up and do things which is perfectly acceptable.
However, it'd take me months and months of saving to afford a hotel-spa type weekend long break, and given I've been almost constantly pregnant for the last three years, rather than save up for trips I likely wouldn't massively enjoy, I've spent my money elsewhere.

That being said, even if I wasn't pregnant, I wouldn't have had so many over night stays so far this year. I might've had 2 or 3 nights out, but definitely wouldn't have stayed over night as frequently as DH has done.

He wouldn't be at work - he has holiday time off at the mo.

I think he's taking the piss

Well that's an issue then....why are you spending "Your"money on things your DH benefits from if he's not doing the same. surely there is joint money for that. Surely your DH would be hapy to pay for you to have a night away if you wanted one. If not, then that is something you definitely need to address.

But you're making a choice op, on what to do with your money. Basically it's down to not wanting to. You say you wouldn't really enjoy it.

Bottom line is he can make other choices, and he's entitled to a social life. Just because uou don't want one doesn't mean he shouldn't either.

Five nights in eight months is not a lot.

5 nights away overnight in 8 months is not bad

Are you kidding me? Leaving a pregnant OP with two toddlers overnight five times? For what exactly? For work, sure. For fun? No chance.

How many times has he had the kids overnight while OP has gone away?

And fucking off hours early to a fun night out while pregnant OP wrangles the kids? No way.

Surely you just ask him to leave two hours later? You have a nap or pop out for a coffee and cake and then he still gets time to himself.

Who wouldn’t want to just chill out in a hotel by themselves?! It’s just not the reality of having two kids under two and a heavily pregnant wife!

I agree he is making a choice about how to spend his money just as you are, I would do exactly the same, I love spending time in hotels, preferably on my own ... but I would never have chosen to have three children in quick succession? Did you both agree to this?