To not understand why DH is leaving so early for friends wedding reception?

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DH is off to an old friends wedding reception this evening. I was invited, as were our children, but I’m 35 weeks pregnant and our DC’s are only 2.5 and 1.5 so dragging them over to the next town at half 7 at night made little sense, as did me going and sitting there heavily pregnant unable to drink. So, DH is going alone - I’m totally okay with this as wouldn’t want him to miss out just because I’m pregnant - plus it also saves us a bit of money too with me not going.

Anyway, DH doesn’t have to be at the venue until 7:30pm. He’s planning on leaving home today at 1pm. He’ll need to take one train for just under 15 minutes, then a bus for 30 mins to get him to the hotel he’s booked in to. A cab from the hotel to the venue later on tonight will take no more than 15 minutes.
When I asked him why he’s leaving so early, he’s said ‘he wants to chill out before going to the reception’. Fair enough, I get that, it can sometimes take me 2 hours to properly sort myself out for a night out - especially if I’m having a few glasses of wine in between caking my face with make up - but does he really need to get to the hotel 5 HOURS before he even needs to leave for the venue!?

FWIW, tonight will be the fifth night away DH has had so far this year, so it's not as if he never has time away or never has fun, in comparison, I’ve had zero nights away since our first dc was born 2 and a half years ago.... so I guess I’m a bit at why he needs SO much chill out time today, when I’m the hugely pregnant one, stuck in with two DC’s under three every single day 🤷🏻‍♀️

AIBU to think he really doesn’t need to leave so early!? I’m fine with him attending the reception and staying in the hotel overnight, but leaving our house almost 7 hours before the reception starts almost feels like a bit of a pisstake when it’s me who’ll be left with the DC’s all afternoon while he just ‘chills out’ in a hotel before a fun evening out getting pissed, then staying overnight in a nice hotel!

(I’m aware I’m likely coming off as jealous. Truth to be told, I am! I wish I could be the one to sit in a hotel for hours then attend a wedding and get drunk, flop in to a hotel bed afterwards and not have to worry about getting up with the DC’s the following morning!!!!)

YANBU & he is obviously going at 1pm as that's earliest he can check in.
For those asking why OP doesn't do the same - she has either been pregnant or with a newborn. It's never so simple - she may have been BF & kids might not have wanted her to go away overnight.
Could you get him to agree to some down time over the next couple of weekends where he takes kids out & you relax at home or go for lunch?

I think he's taking the piss.

But you need to sort out contraception, and I'd probably leave him a nice selection of leaflets about having the snip.

You also need to dump the children on him so you can go and have a nice relaxation without children.

And why are you spending your money on the house - surely that should come from joint money? You do need to spend some money on yourself.

One of my nicest breaks recently was being sent on a course by work, and having a Hotel room to myself.

I don't think he's taking the piss. Most people I know would do the same. You need to stop being a martyr.

"I'm glad you have such a great trip planned. When you get home we need to talk about when you will be looking after the kids for 24 hours (as small chunks or a whole day off), so that I can have a break too. We should discuss what we can afford with 3 kids too."

He is fucking at it.

He really should be offering to watch the kids today so you can chill for a while before he leaves.

Very selfish.

I’m going to guess he’s not hugely enjoying the small child stage you are both going through and is instead trying to carry on as though he’s a single man. Very common, not great for your relationship.

5 nights away in 8 months is a lot when you've got 2 toddlers and a pregnant wife. They're his children too. Did he even ask whether you were OK with it or did he just assume that you'd got nothing else planned and would be available to look after them?

@Floatyboat
You absolute star. Thank you so much for reminding me.

He’s being an arse

Yell him you are going to have a few hours ‘chiling’ this afternoon on your own whilst he looks after HIS children.
Then you can face doh g the whole tea and bedtime bit whilst he swans off to party

Seriously OP he is taking you for a fool. The fact he doesn’t care is very hurtful and I would be sad and angry in equal measures.

More fool you for doing that with 'your' money OP. That stuff should be paid for 50/50.

Also YABU and given the way you're acting it is more than likely just so he can get a break away from the house. And you. Sorry

I get where you're coming from OP. There does seem to be a certain mindset that I only see on MN that men's downtime is sacred and that the poor men, slaving away M-F 9-5 to provide for their families (that presumably they wanted too) need every opportunity to have a weekend lie in / go for a long bike ride alone / sit in their pants in a hotel room for hours and woe betide you if you complain. That's what he's doing here - he's using the opportunity of a legit night out to give himself a few hours when he can simply check out from being a dad. And I think often the stance of "well you need to do the same so don't whinge if you don't take yourself off to a spa for an equal amount of time" overlooks the fact that actually, you might not want to give up lots of family time yourself but what might be nice would be for your DH to voluntarily remember he's a parent and that by indulging and even extending (unilaterally on this occasion, it seems) his 'chill out time' at every opportunity, he's forcing you to take on 100% of the parenting while he makes himself unavailable. You don't necessarily want to stare at the four walls of a hotel room on your own yourself, but him saying "I know I'm going to be away and you'll be picking up the slack for a bit so for the last couple of hours before I go for the 6pm train, why don't I have the kids and you go and read your book/get your hair done/go for a coffee" or even "why don't we both take the kids to the park/the pool/the beach before I go?" Just some overt acknowledgement that they're aware of the extra ask that them heading off, child free and relaxed, is putting onto you.

He is probably off to collect the other woman lol

And tbh at 35 weeks with number three you could go into labour any minute so a decent bloke would be keeping his alcohol intake to 2 or 3 and getting a cab home at a reasonable time tonight.

The money he is blowing on the hotel could’ve spent getting a can each way.

Is he always this selfish? Does he see the kids as just woman work and he gets to behave with impunity?

KurriKawari

One minute you being plain nasty and telling the OP that her DH just wants to get away from her and that she is over bearing. The next you are telling the OP that she's a martyr and then stating all the things she should TELL dh to do. Go away. You aren't wanted here. Nasty people need not reply.

Five nights in eight months is due to the timing of the stag weekend and wedding though. He had no control over that. It doesn't mean this will be a regular pattern.

I don't really understand the fuss over a few hours though. Next weekend ask him to take the kids out for a few hours so you get the equivalent time to yourself.

Because he values his time over yours.

As he's paying for a hotel he may as well make the most of it!

And 5 nights away in 8 months isn't a lot

YABU most hotel check in is 2-3pm....He is just going to the hotel to chill out, and get his money's worth.

Yes I understand your frustrated, yet wedding's are usually planned in advance, you could have gone to the reception, and stayed in the hotel too....your children were also invited. You have had ample opportunity to either organise a sitter overnight, or organise a child minder for the hotel room, if you didn't want the children to attend.

I understand your heavily pregnant, have two children under three, and are feeling fed up, exhausted and jealous, however there was options for you to go, but by your own admittance didn't want too!

Yes he has had more nights away this year, yet if you wanted too, it would be something you could do in the future, to keep things on an even keel, rather than you having resentment. If the option is available for a sitter at short notice, organise it now, pack a bag and enjoy an evening with your husband!

There are some really gratuitously nasty posts on this thread. Sorry that your lives are so shit that you need to take it out on strangers on the Internet.

He probably just wants to get pissed with his mates!

Because he’s probably looking forward to it and seizing the chance of having a mostly childfree day and letting his hair down. I’d have left the second I was able to check into the hotel too!

I’ve chosen not to have children because they are hard bloody work so totally relate when people want to get the hell away. Make sure you get the opportunity to escape now and then too!

I think he's being selfish to be honest. Do you ever get any time to yourself? Going to the reception is one thing going so early to relax first is another. How is he genedaljy with the children? Does he find parenthood stressful? Does he do things with them to give you a break?

He takes kids with him, you get afternoon off. You go pick up kids at 6, he gets evening off.

@TheTitOfTheIceberg nobody has that opinion.

Everybody here thinks that both parents should contribute to the children's upbringing and if he works 9-5 there are 16 more hours in the day where a dad should do the exact same amount as the mom.

But both parents should be entitled to enjoy their alone time too.
OP has openly admitted she wouldn't enjoy a night away (pregnant or not) and would rather spend her money on things for the home. Her choice.

Is there a pool at the hotel, or is he meeting others who are going? I would go earlier myself, check in and relax but I don't have small kids