To not understand why DH is leaving so early for friends wedding reception?

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DH is off to an old friends wedding reception this evening. I was invited, as were our children, but I’m 35 weeks pregnant and our DC’s are only 2.5 and 1.5 so dragging them over to the next town at half 7 at night made little sense, as did me going and sitting there heavily pregnant unable to drink. So, DH is going alone - I’m totally okay with this as wouldn’t want him to miss out just because I’m pregnant - plus it also saves us a bit of money too with me not going.

Anyway, DH doesn’t have to be at the venue until 7:30pm. He’s planning on leaving home today at 1pm. He’ll need to take one train for just under 15 minutes, then a bus for 30 mins to get him to the hotel he’s booked in to. A cab from the hotel to the venue later on tonight will take no more than 15 minutes.
When I asked him why he’s leaving so early, he’s said ‘he wants to chill out before going to the reception’. Fair enough, I get that, it can sometimes take me 2 hours to properly sort myself out for a night out - especially if I’m having a few glasses of wine in between caking my face with make up - but does he really need to get to the hotel 5 HOURS before he even needs to leave for the venue!?

FWIW, tonight will be the fifth night away DH has had so far this year, so it's not as if he never has time away or never has fun, in comparison, I’ve had zero nights away since our first dc was born 2 and a half years ago.... so I guess I’m a bit at why he needs SO much chill out time today, when I’m the hugely pregnant one, stuck in with two DC’s under three every single day 🤷🏻‍♀️

AIBU to think he really doesn’t need to leave so early!? I’m fine with him attending the reception and staying in the hotel overnight, but leaving our house almost 7 hours before the reception starts almost feels like a bit of a pisstake when it’s me who’ll be left with the DC’s all afternoon while he just ‘chills out’ in a hotel before a fun evening out getting pissed, then staying overnight in a nice hotel!

(I’m aware I’m likely coming off as jealous. Truth to be told, I am! I wish I could be the one to sit in a hotel for hours then attend a wedding and get drunk, flop in to a hotel bed afterwards and not have to worry about getting up with the DC’s the following morning!!!!)

Is he capable of looking after the kids on his own OP? Does he ever take them for a bit so you get a rest or is it all down to you?

This is all sounding depressingly familiar, so many threads like this on here...

The issue so much about him going out this evening - I've already said I'm perfectly happy for him to go, it's just that not only am I stuck in pregnant with two young DC's while he gets to go out all night til tomorrow afternoon, he's also adding salt to the wound by leaving hours and hours before he needs to. That's the part that's pissing me off.

Isn't so much! That should say.

His friends have prob arranged to meet up for a few drinks before the event .

If you know who they all are I wouldn’t be too concerned .

The more important thing is how you are feeling , if your tied and not feeling well and have to manage the kids , it’s entirely reasonable to ask him if he doesn’t mind hanging about for a few more hours to give you a hand with the kids lunches / play time or whatever so you can get a it more rest before he heads off .

I got to admit , when I have been heavily pregnant my OH has never chosen to be anywhere aside from work and home . but I don’t know exactly how far along you are , and I think of my OH wanted to go , so long as everything else is ok I would probably just let him go and make the most of it , given that he doesn’t do this very often and prob last chance before baby is born .

Have you actually asked him not to leave so early?

If I was paying for a hotel, I would want to make the most of it. Get in, unpack, chill out in the room etc

I think YABU.

Well yes he is massively U for just announcing that he was leaving so early.

Did you challenge him on it at all?

That sounds a bit weird. Have you any reason to think he might be up to something?

Love mumsnet, husband wants to go and check into hotel at checkin time to sneak a few hours peace (not saying that’s right), but he automatically has to be up to “something”. If we are going somewhere and I can checkin from 3 and get there for 3 I do. I’m usually have a nap in my overpriced hotel room or having a bath (or at least I was before I had kids).

I think given you have small kids and another on the way he should probably hold off on his nice relaxing afternoon and just checkin on his way to the reception.

I know for a fact he's not meeting anyone before he heads to the reception. The only people he will know at the reception, are part of the groomsmen so they're not leaving the wedding to have drinks with DH at his hotel.

Why don't you just talk to him about it/ask him to leave later, rather than just speculating? He may not realise it's riling you up so much

I would just lay it out clearly to him "It feels unfair that you get have a few hours off to yourself, whilst I'm here looking after the kids and you're relaxing on your own having fun. When do I get to have some relaxing time to myself?"

Why not suggest you go away together for a night before baby comes?

He’s really taking the piss. Please don’t let him.

You need to take time for yourself OP. Overnights but not just that - book in some time to just go out for the afternoon, for a spa day visit not a weekend. Or book a cheap hotel for an overnight stay - even a Travelodge is enjoyable when it's giving you a break from toddlers where you can sit watching your choice of tv and eat chocolate in peace. Make some arrangements now rather than complaining about him going early, then you have the moral high ground about taking 'chilling time' yourself.

Agree, have you asked him to stay 2 more hours? Tell you too want to relax and that you can't whilst he's away, as you're pregnant with 2 little ones.

Ask him not to leave so early? Did he check you were ok looking after the kids or did he just decide to leave early without talking to you?

You need to nip this crap in tbe bud early on, it'll just carry on or get worse otherwise.

In fairness though - most of his nights away are for this wedding... I mean I’m not sure why his birthday meant a night away, but all the rest are for the stag and then wedding, not things he’s organised.

But if he has spare money to do things like that and spare time to do them and you have neither - that’s your issue, not specifically those few hours before the wedding.

I know you're getting a hard time from some people posting but I can see exactly where you're coming from and would be annoyed too. My children are similar age gap to yours although older now and it's hard, even more so when they're little and your pregnant (and the poster saying she wouldn't have had children so close in age keep your nose out she didn't ask your opinion on that 🙄)
Do you drive? I know it's too late now but I'd have been tempted to just take the whole family and drive, or get a babysitter saving money on the hotel and meaning you get out too.

So he is on holiday from work ?

You need an afternoon and night off too. You don’t have the money for a hotel stay - do you have family or friends nearby who you could arrange to see and stay overnight with tomorrow afternoon/ night, once your husband gets back?

Don’t martyr yourself spending your money on things which benefit your husband or the house- have some time to yourself before the next baby arrives.

You have a clear unbalance here with finances and time where he has control over both

You need to talk to him get joint finances in place (as clearly he has his own money and you don’t) and a balance of time

And make him face up to his responsibilities

To those saying it's ok and OP should just have a spa day

1. She's 35 weeks pregnant with 2 under 3. He doesn't get to check out of family life for non essential reasons at this stage, while OP is waddling after 2 toddlers.

1. When is OP going to get this day and night away - on her own while heavily pregnant? She's about to pop then will have a newborn...that's not really her reality right now and her husband knows this. So those suggestions to just go on a spa weekend to balance things out are unrealistic.

Maybe it was an ironic post but I claim the MN bingo prize for the suggestion a spa weekend within 10 posts

I think it sounds a bit weird......... even leaving at 4pm would be early IMO.

He sounds a bit selfish, being honest.

perhaps so he can have a bit of me time - personally i'd love that

Does he have more disposable money than you?

5 nights AWAY in two months for fun in your situation is quite a lot.

Who would have paid for the hotel & babysitter if you had been going tonight?

I do think it’s selfish of him to go SO early & leave you, especially heavily pregnant, with two toddlers

Also, as it’s so close to home why didn’t he just get a taxi home instead?

Op, why could you not have gone to the wedding and not drank?