MIL ignoring my requests

[mybigwineglass]

My DC (11 months) has an egg allergy. We discovered it around 6 months after eating scrambled egg. Came out in hives. Took to GP who did test and confirmed. We were told in no uncertain terms not to give DC ANY egg, even if fully cooked in cakes etc and to have another test at 12 months. Told reaction is usually worse the second time. Given epipen (albeit more as a belt and braces safety precaution) and piriton.

MIL has DC 3.5 days a week (we pay her, though a fraction of nursery cost). We supply all food/milk/snacks/nappies/everything and have told her several times in no uncertain terms is she to give him anything we haven't supplied. If anything happened re his allergy we'd never forgive her (or ourselves).

She has asked on numerous occasions about giving him things - bread, mini milk lollies, biscuits etc, as she feels he is "missing out" when his cousins have those things (they are older). I have said again, on more than one occasion, no. E.g. I looked up mini milk online and nestle say that they cannot guarantee egg free as some suppliers are importing from continent and their practices different.

Picking DC up from hers yesterday and he's had a mini milk. It's not the first time she's given him stuff behind my back. She just won't fucking listen. This is my precious DC after a MMC. I want to tell her yet AGAIN DO NOT FUCKING GIVE HIM ANYTHING I DO NOT SUPPLY.

AIBU?

“Bertrand could you enlighten us, op on your medical qualifications please“

I haven’t got any. Which is why i wondered whether the OP should check that she needs to be as vigilant as she is being, because in my entirely unprofessional but quite extensive experience, children with egg allergy do not to have food prepared in an egg free environment. And if this child does, then surely there need to be many more precautions taken - the other children should be egg free too, for example. And GPs are often pretty clueless about allergies.

Could you not give her a list of products that are egg free she can buy? That included bread, kids lollys, biscuits

No wavey, because she doesn't do as she is told and thinks she knows best

I think we've almost unanimously agreed that the grandmother should not give the child anything the parents don't sign off on.

But I'm puzzled by the allergy-management plan. I am NOT a medical professional, but have a child who had allergies. Many medical professionals seem woefully underinformed about allergies, especially GPs but also some private paediatricians. An epi-pen and completely eliminating future exposure appear to be excessive absent a skin-prick test or other indications.

OP if you come back to read this, it might be worth looking again at the allergy advice you've been given and perhaps considering getting a second opinion. We did the egg-ladder and milk-ladder with my child after early allergies and that helped. Of course that won't work for everyone, and people have all kinds of different allergies and varying intensities of reactions, so I'm not suggesting this is gospel.. but it seems so unusual that it might be worth revisiting.

Sorry, but it's quite wrong to state that because she's a MIL, she won't ever change her ways. You can't know that. People can and do change all the time otherwise no-one would ever become vegan, stop smoking or lose a serious amount of weight etc.

OP, can you find lots of (online) information about how food allergies can be life threatening? If this is her first experience of a child with an allergy, she perhaps thinks you're being overly dramatic and maybe if she reads a lot of (shocking horror stories) information, she might realise her error of judgement and actually be much more careful.

It's unlikely that MIL wants to risk causing her DGC serious harm to prove a point. She simply needs educating a bit more.

^ She simply needs more education-no when people are severely stubborn and think they know best there's no amount of education that will change things

YANBU to want to tell her again but I think you’re on a road to nowhere.

Tell her:

• DS is allergic. As confirmed by a medical professional
• he is also a baby. He’s not ‘missing out’
• if she can’t follow a basic request then you have no choice but to find a childcare provider than can
• if she tries to ‘sneak’ food past you because she doesn’t believe you then you’ll withdraw all contact because even if she doesn’t believe it, allergies can be fatal.

I honestly don’t know why some people are like this. Even if you think it’s shit, for fuck sake indulge it while the baby is small!

My MIL gave DS a banana knowing FULL WELL he’s severely allergic, it was the last time she saw him

Don't bring your baby any where near her

I don’t often agree with Bertrand on a ‘MiL’ thread, but I do here.
OP, please go back to your doctor and get better advice. My DS developed hives after eating scrambled eggs but he could and did eat cake etc. Our doctor didn’t make an allergy referral to a specialist so we were completely unaware of all his other, far more serious, allergies until he developed anaphylaxis after eating something else. Please push for a pinprick test and if your doctor refuses to refer it might even be worth getting it done privately. I think a specialist could help you a lot.