not to tell strangers where I'm from?

[FishCanFly]

I speak with a pretty unfortunate accent and this always prompts random people to ask where i'm from. Thing is - I don't want to say. I don't mind a friendly conversation, but i don't like giving out personal info to people i don't know. AIBU?

I'm American and I have people stop me on the street and interrupt my conversations to ask where I'm from and comment on my very broad accent. It does not bother me in the slightest and I think it's nice that some people here are friendly.

@newmomof1
Another Black Country Wench!!
Must confess, I get fed up cos when I tell people where I'm from, you can guarantee the first words out of their mouths are .... Lenny Henry! But said in a Brummie accent 😏

@BlingLoving
Yes I’m English

I would still find it annoying in the OP situation though.

I'm EE as well. I've been quite a while here but still have an accent, and because I tend to also parrot the accent of people I am with,after 10 years it's not easily recognisable as such. Most people assume places like Canada,South Africa,Australia etc. Nah,nothing so exotic.

So I had A LOT of conversations going like this:

Random(friendly,smiling): ohhh where are you from?

Me: city in England I'm living at the time

Random: no no, WHERE are you from? I love your accent!

Me: EE country

Random(face falls) : oh, I thought you were from Canada/South Africa/Australia/etc ....promptly fucks off,not interested in any more conversation.

I've also had the "funny" jokes of people pointing at beggars/women on street corners/sellers of random shit " Oh,look there's your lot!"

I've been asked if I'm DD's nanny after saying where I'm from.

I've been told in sneery tones by a bank manager that "I've done well for myself" when form filling and giving the details of my house owning,English boyfriend.

Fuck that shit dude, I'm from Kent. Deal with it.

Maggie I hope you don’t ask strangers. I’ve been the target of your sort of questions all my life and it’s impossible to know who is curious and who is gearing up for a nasty remark.

I also think it’s damn nosey tbh. When mum’s gone, I plan to change my name to an English one. I hope it will reduce some questions, as well as endlessly spelling a foreign name.

For some reason I used to get asked where in Australia I was from a lot 🤣

But I have been told I look "English" whatever the fuck that means.

I've also had the "funny" jokes of people pointing at beggars/women on street corners/sellers of random shit " Oh,look there's your lot!"

This is astonishingly bad. Really sorry you get that.

what this thread is showing me is that the question, "Where are you from" really isn't in itself a bad one (I stand by that) but that for a LOT of people this is the gateway question to rude, xenophobic commentary that for some reason they think is okay to say out loud to the person's face.

I've also had the "funny" jokes of people pointing at beggars/women on street corners/sellers of random shit " Oh,look there's your lot!"

Yes! And do you know such and such, he works at the car wash

So say ‘now I’m from [name of city where you already live]. If they ask where you’re originally from, sigh and say it’a a long story. If they still persist, say you would rather not discuss it.

@BlingLoving I think it can be a bit "othering " especially in the random person on the street that I'll never see again scenario. With people I do know, even in passing I have no issues being asked or I mention it myself if the conversation warrants it.

Don't know how to explain exactly, but I wouldn't go to someone with a different british accent (northern,irish,Scottish etc) and ask. If I'm really curious and it's possible I just ask OH.

what this thread is showing me is that the question, "Where are you from" really isn't in itself a bad one

Well no, it's not "bad", unless there are bad intentions behind it. It is bloody nosy, though. But such is the nature of a lot of small talk, which is either used mindlessly in the absense of anything else to say, or to fish for information (usually for mostly innocent reasons, eg. "things we might have in common with that I can talk to you about", but also to place the other person in their own niche in your mind).

There are lots of every day questions that are totally innocent to some, but feel very loaded to others. Eg. "Do you have children?", especially if it leads to a "Why don't you have children?"

I get this to a certain extent.

I'm from Scotland but living in SW and I'd say nearly on a daily basis (work in customer facing role so see different people everyday) I get it "where are you from?" Always followed by "oh I know so and so" or "I have a great great great uncle who used to have a wife who was Scottish" etc etc etc and they always want to open up a big conversation about it.

In all honestly, I don't really care who you know in Scotland and I don't actually know everyone in Scotland either. I'm sick of having the same conversation everyday, my colleagues find it hilarious.

It is small talk, like talking about the weather. I get asked this all the time as my accent is a total mish mash. If no one tried to engage with you at all, would you be offended?

Ahh. This "You must know xx" because we share nationality😂
I know they don't mean it badly.
I love it. I started to answer "Oh and you must know John Sprinkle (I put random made up names)!"
"No?"
"How come? You should know him since you are both British"
😂

I find it a bit annoying. I don't mind it if we are having a conversation but it's a bit annoying when it's totally irrelevant. As an example when you are putting your trash awya and someone goes "it sure has been warm" and then when I respond "yes, indeed" it's immediately followed by where I'm from. I'm not gonna meet this person, situation didn't require it and it's just unnecessary.

I sort of sympathise with you OP. I'm from Wales and I do get the "where are you from?" question often when I'm travelling outside of Wales. Then I get asked if I speak the language, which I do, and then get asked to say something in Welsh. It definitely is a little irritating after a while. But I would never not say where I'm from.

@RosaWaiting I also think it’s damn nosey tbh. When mum’s gone, I plan to change my name to an English one. I hope it will reduce some questions, as well as endlessly spelling a foreign name.

I can hand on heart say that YES, this will happen. My maiden name is Russian, and I used to constantly get asked questions and it annoyed the fuck out of me. My married name is quite ordinary, and I get asked NOTHING. I'm about to divorce, but I'm keeping the name. No way am I going back to my maiden name and the Spanish Inquisition.

@YourSarcasmIsDripping I think it can be a bit "othering " especially in the random person on the street that I'll never see again scenario.

I absolutely agree. It is very othering. People aren't interested in ME, they're just interested in my background.

@FishCanFly I completely understand. I used to get all the jokes too. Very annoying. All I can say is that I copped it far worse when I was in Russia, in reverse. Didn't bother me as I only had to put up with it for a few months. But if I lived there I think I would have stopped speaking to people altogether....

I have met lots of lovely people from Romania and I have always found that they almost apologetic about this, which leads me to think what kind of arseholes have you met that you feel the need to justify and more importantly, do you think I am that thick to judge you?

If no one tried to engage with you at all, would you be offended?

Strangers? No ,not at all.

@Bravelurker see my previous post.

And that's just some highlights off the top of my head .

I live in an area which is not very culturally diverse although in the last few years there has been an influx of Eastern Europeans - the last time that happened here was WW2!

I come across quite a few eastern Europeans at the gym I go to (which is a small and friendly gym) and quite often chat and ask them which country they have come from and what brought them to our small town. I am genuinely interested and in no way mean to be offensive.

My DS is doing a holiday job whilst back from Uni and is working with many eastern Europeans from different countries. He knows which ones they are from and as I assume they don't go around wearing the flag on their country of origin then I guess he must have asked them - not to be offensive but just because he is interested in travel, language and culture.

Surely it is only offensive if there is an accompanying racist attitude.

I've had "Where are you from? Oh country X? Oh the tribes are lovely there."

And kids on the streets and Jehovah Witnesses shouting out greetings in what they think is my language.

The thing is, you don't know who is racist until they say racist things to you. I'd rather not risk it.

Then you get a grumpy "oh she doesn't speak English".

I can say "fuck off" pretty well.

I can say "fuck off" pretty well.

I can say it in a few languages,comes in handy.