not to tell strangers where I'm from?

[FishCanFly]

I speak with a pretty unfortunate accent and this always prompts random people to ask where i'm from. Thing is - I don't want to say. I don't mind a friendly conversation, but i don't like giving out personal info to people i don't know. AIBU?

The question can be used to ‘other’ people, like ’you’re not from round here.’ Making people feel in a subtle way ‘not one of us’

I think this is exactly right. I'm from England but my DH isn't. It's disappointing but not surprising to see the number of posters who just don't understand the underlying issues because they've never experienced it. Including the incredibly patronising pp who felt the need to say 'Welcome to England' to the OP. FFS.

But of course you can't really say it, because it might be kids, or it might be groups of men and you might be on your own, or you might be with a group of people and they might think you are spoiling the fun. In any case mostly you just fume in silence. It is not good.

Sorry, the was for YourSarcasm.

I have met lots of lovely people from Romania and I have always found that they almost apologetic about this,
Apologetic about what?

It's rude when people interrupt you to ask! It makes you feel stereotyped. Just listen to what people are saying instead of how they're saying it.

I do sometimes do a vague gesture and say "up the road, and where are you from". That's when I feel friendly.

But I generally do not wish to give people a geographical lesson, or a linguistic lesson, or culinary lesson, or sometimes a history lesson
("Oh my granddad was stationed there during the war". Hurrah for you). Just no.

@YourSarcasmIsDripping, apologies I only read the opening post, but I had to post a comment because I just knew/heavily suspected that the poster was referring to Romania.

Fwiw, I am British from mixed racial heretage and I have heard more than my fair share of dumb to last several lifetimes. Just the other day, I was on my phone to my landlord and this man couldn't wait for me to get off the phone to tell me how posh I sounded. He then asked me where I was from (which is code for - you sound so English but you can't be ) to which I responded with the usual from here, then we did the familiar where are you from originally, blah blah blah. He then said that he used to live in South Africa!!! WTAF!!! I said ok thanks, bye.

Oh I've also had people (supposed friends) ask me to tell said beggars, sellers etc. to leave us alone because I can do it in their language. Even men would push me forwards as the official "teller offer" . I did tell them to leave us alone, politely in English. It worked. Magic!!!

@YourSarcasmIsDripping
Also EE here, same experience as you. Also comments like: "oh, my cleaner is also from XXX", especially after you had explicitly stated you are from YYY.
To the OP, I also don't like answering where I am from. In some cases it is followed by a rant, almost like they expect me to apologise for every single EE immigrant who had ever wronged them. It became especially unpleasant after the referendum.

YANBU For 25 years now (over half my life) I have been asked the question of where are you from, I answer and at least 75% of the time I get why did you want to leave there and live here? (New Zealand BTW) I totally understand how banal and tedious it can be OP. I could give the original reason or the reason 5, 10, 20 years after being here. Usually though I just go with this is home now.

I am white, English, London born and bred. Although I don't get asked where I'm from, I've been "othered" many times by the many people from other countries I know, mostly through DD's school. I've listened many times to discussions about what they don't like about the English and when I say "oi do you mind?" I get told that I'm ok and I'm different to the others when I consider myself extremely typical! I've been at events where there's a hearty discussion going on until I enter the room and it goes quiet and there's nervous laughter as, yes I did overhear some of that. I've had to listen to so many anti-English, anti-London comments and just shrug it off as "whinging Pom syndrome" but it can be upsetting and tedious.

Bloody hell now I'm tempted to ask where everyone is from to see if there's anyone from my country.

YANBU and some of the being vague suggestions have been great. I find they work for most people and can take a load off, but there will always be the ones who won't drop it.

I'm not sure whether to laugh or roll my eyes at all the 'embrace yourself' bullshit and the whole 'people are just interested/you're really not that interesting' dividing line. I can be quite happy with myself and not want to have the same conversation with strangers repeatedly.

I do not get how others don't understand why some people might not want to talk about where we're from at any moment with random people or view the impact our accents have on our lives on as unfortunate. I mostly get these odd questions from people on the street I wasn't even talking to or people I've just met that I'll likely not be seeing again, not the collegues or those I've known for a bit that I would understand it from. Yeah, it's not my address, but as someone who left my birth country under not the best circumstances, I'd honestly rather discuss my limp, but most people are far too polite for that.

It's awkward to just be out with my family or friends and have it stopped because a stranger has heard me speak and feels they now need to interrupt my day to ask questions. Sure, it's cultural, but I'm not a cultural landmark, I'm a person who might want to relax or is having a hard day. It's even more awkward when I'm at the chemist or with a professional who feels that need and my or my kids care is paused for those questions because "oh I knew I heard an accent" with a twinkly laugh like they've figured out a secret anyone else who can hear already figured out rather than discussing anything actually relevant.

Honestly, at times, I'm just grateful when it doesn't lead to a political conversation. Or being told my son's stammer or trouble with English is because of my accent/background. Or when people want to know why I still have an accent after living here so long or other question I really don't know how to answer. Or people mimicking my accent to be funny because I just sound so funny.

Yeah, can't possibly see why I might not want to talk about my accent and where I'm from with people I don't know in person. It's not personal at all and just like discussing the weather - oh wait, I've had strangers tell me how I can't complain about the weather because "it must be so much hotter where you're from" or "you chose this weather over..." So yeah, the assholes make everything horrible.

Bibabbles you are so right!

@Davros I apologise in advance for being a dick....because the reverse sucks too and it's not ok.

At least you're home,you belong. You don't get reminded that Britain is not your home(no matter how many years you've been here) when you open your mouth, and possibly how much worse your "lot" have made this country. "No offence but..."

I mean a coworker even asked me if I'm legal for goodness sake!! I work in a school!

The referendum was really fun to go through.

I've been asked if I'm DD's nanny after saying where I'm from.
Had exactly the same too.
I also had an English temp nanny once and we all went to the local playgroup on my day off (me, her and 2 DCs). A nice British receptionist, signing us in, found it HILARIOUS that a British woman would be working as a nanny for an Eastern European woman, and explained that she still needs the correct details for the next of kin / emergency contact form.

I used to live in France. Every second person from the checkout lady in the supermarket, to the bus driver, to the man in the kebab shop used to ask where I was from because of my accent. It's just curiosity, no one is being rude.

My experience is the same.

I'm a dual national with an English name and accent and hate that bloody question. When I answer London, I get "where are you really from?" which pisses me off no end. While there may be the odd genuinely curious person, it's a question which is generally othering at best and the introduction to a racist "joke" at worst.

I can only imagine how much worse it is for EE people considering the racist rhetoric of jobs being stolen etc.

It's sad that you called your accent unfortunate but I get it - it's a marker of being "different"

Why do people say "You're from X- do you know my cleaner Y, restaurant owner Z?" Sort of comments as if you can only know people from that country?

I have been asked all my life where I am from.I have an Irish accent and have lived on three continents and four different countries .I live in Germany now and speak fluent German but with an accent.Every single day I am asked where I am from, most think Holland, nobody ever guesses Ireland.
When I lived in the U.S people were absolutely fascinated by my accent and it was a constant topic of conversation.Im just so used to it but do get a bit weary of telling my life story but realise its just people being interested.

Thatmustbe- are you English? Being English and living in France will be very different to being Algerian or Polish. I bet that it's not so innocent in those cases.

@RosaWaiting Of course I don't ask strangers. Brits don't even make eye contact with strangers

More seriously, I hadn't thought if it like that. If it's a complete stranger e.g. person in a shop then I absolutely would not ask. I guess I was thinking about new acquaintances such as friends of friends with whom I have a reason to be chatting.

@BiBabbles, it is even more special to have to explain to total strangers on the bus, that my mother who raised me is British and when they ask me about my father (which is where I get my colour from) that I don't really know because he is a stranger to me.
It would be less awkward to ask me what my favourite sex position is.

Silentpool “If no one tried to engage with you at all, would you be offended?”

Strangers? I would rather they didn’t engage. If they must, they can talk about the weather or something neutral.

In terms of people saying “I’m not racist, I’m genuinely interested” - in what? Go and get a book if you want to read up on particular places. If the person answers “I’m from France” it’s still not their job to talk to you about it or anything else.