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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

not to tell strangers where I'm from?

580 replies

FishCanFly · 30/07/2019 12:28

I speak with a pretty unfortunate accent and this always prompts random people to ask where i'm from. Thing is - I don't want to say. I don't mind a friendly conversation, but i don't like giving out personal info to people i don't know. AIBU?

OP posts:
Winterlife · 02/08/2019 18:11

PS-Not always what you wanted to spend on, but you could always spend money on something.

schnubbins · 02/08/2019 21:54

So what would happen if any person from the UK moved to ant of the EE countries mentioned here .
Would they just be there without anybody ever asking where they came from? I doubt it.Somewhere along the way someone would ask as they would notice the accent no matter how good they spoke the language.
I have travelled the world and have never been anywhere somebody did not ask where i come from.(I have lived a total twelve years in my home country

schnubbins · 02/08/2019 21:55

PS I am 54 years old.

JoannaCuppa · 02/08/2019 23:48

Some twat made a funny joke to my friends that I stole their credit card, after saying where I'm from. Fucking hilarious. NOT FINE

That is horrendous. And there is no defence for it at all. Pure and simple racism dressed up as "banter". Twat.

Can I be honest? I have been thinking about this thread on and off. I CAN see why people bristle at being asked questions about origins, if they are subject to unthinking racist wankery on a regular basis.

I think it is impossible for those of us who don't experience much racism to know how tbat would feel, or know the frequency that it happens.

Because being called racist is so bloody awful, and it is very difficult to prove that what has been asked is meant in a friendly way, I think that made me very defensive of some of the cultural norms where I live.

But the bottom line is: it is more important to me for people to feel comfortable and at ease, than it is for me (and other people where I live) to make a cack handed attempt at small talk. Especially if the small talk makes people feel alienated rather than included. It is then totally counter productive to its aim.

So I am going to stop asking unless I know the person well, and they already know that I am not being a racist idiot.

The world is changing. I want people from all countries to feel at home in the UK. If that means that we take time to question our cultural norms, and whether they are still appropriate, then maybe that is what we should do.

The alternative is having people with a non-UK cultural heritage feeling shit. And that isn't ok.

This discussion has been so interesting and I have learned a lot. Here's to a UK where everyone feels welcome Wine

Coffeeandcherrypie · 03/08/2019 11:32

Great post @JoannaCuppa

For me, you just never know people’s intentions why they ask. One client asked me where I was from as soon as I met him. I was surprised and he said that he only asks because his girlfriend is Iranian and he thought I was too, so I relaxed.

A colleague I don’t know asked me and when I said my parents are from Pakistan, she said ‘God aren’t you lucky to get away from there’. So then I felt immediately uncomfortable.

It’s just not knowing the person’s intentions that can cause some anxiety at being asked.

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