Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Need someones help..... bit personal

177 replies

Sjoe456 · 30/07/2019 11:27

So it's a long story.. ok bare with me.

Basically when I was single I slept with a guy on the 25th of may, a one night thing, I took the morning after pill 12 hours after it. So then on the 1st of june I woke up one morning and stood up and felt like a gush and it was dark red. I went and wiped and it was like dark red/pink for the first wipe then after that it was red/dark brown, I'm really sorry for the TMI but I even stood up from toilet and looked on floor and there was red droplets.. then I had to use tampons for 3 days so that was my last bleed and it was a dark brown dark red when using tampons. My period wasnt due until the 12th of june but I read online that the morning after pill can make it come early and even lighter. So.. on the 3rd of june then I got back together with my ex boyfriend (never thought would happen) and we blew caution to the wind and had unprotected sex about 10 times in the space of 4 days from the 3rd-7th of june then it was once everyday from the 7th. The only 2 days we didnt have sex later on was the 16th and 17th of June. So just to be on the safe side that I wasnt pregnant from the 25th of may guy I done clear blue preg tests on the 10th,14th and 18th of June and the one I done on the 18th of June was the weeks indicator and they all came back Negative.. so the very last test I done on the 18th of June would of been 3 weeks and 4 days after I slept with the one night guy. So also around the 14th of june I could of swore I was starting my period as I got little twinges in my ovaries and then around the 23rd of june I got sore boobs.. so then on the 26th of June I done a clear blue pregnancy test and i got my positive and it said pregnant 2-3 weeks.. then a few days later on the 29th of june I done another and it also said 2-3 weeks pregnant. Then on the 3rd of July I done another and it just changed to 3+. On that same day I went and cried to my doctor cause i wasnt sure how far along so i got an early scan and went and she tried to scan my belly and nothing.. then an internal was done and there was just a little sac.. and she said sorry i cant tell u an age (she tried to measure it) and she said come back in 2 weeks so I went on the 16th of july and she measured it and there was a heart beat on screen and she said you are 6 weeks and 1 day.. gestational age?? And it was tiny the baby was only like 0.33cm is she going from last period or is that how old the baby is from conception that confuses me alot.. but basically I want someone to help me as this is stressing me out so much .. when I went to my doctor and told her everything she said I would of got a positive on either the 14th of 18th for definite. And also if it was the one night guy the baby would of been bigger on the scan on the 3rd. Thank u to anyone who took the time to read this x

OP posts:
ThatssomebadhatHarry · 30/07/2019 16:44

Anon812

*Today 14:37 Sjoe456

Thanks but my life isnt a mess. I'm really happy. Just wanted other people's opinions. I'm engaged, in my own house,*

anon812 · 30/07/2019 16:46

Ahhh got it it's OP not you!

Well congrats OP!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/07/2019 16:47

Clusterphuck, in case you were wondering who reported you, it was me. Your post was disgusting. It's not ok to talk about women like that. Ever.

Chocolatelover45 · 30/07/2019 16:50

Don't worry about the marriage thing just make sure you're financially secure. Personally, I'm engaged but we won't get married till next year (need to lose the baby weight lol) and the baby is due in December. Main reason we left it so long is that I don't believe in marriage (if we are going to break up ultimately, we still will whether we are married or not) but it's important to my DP so happy to

How can you not believe in marriage? That's like not believing in making a will. Marriage protects both partners financially. That's what it's for. If you are not married and your partner dies, you will be an awful lot worse off financially. Yes some protection can be replicated through other (complicated and expensive) means, but getting married is the only way to be fully protected in the event of the death of one parent.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/07/2019 16:50

92AP, I'm really sorry that you're sad about your situation but why pick on OP's use of language? Does that actually help? Make you feel better? It's really unkind of you and anybody else who does it.

I hope you get the result that you want, very soon.

pooopypants · 30/07/2019 16:52

Is your BF your BF or your fiancee? You got back together, decided to try for a baby and engaged very quickly

You sound incredibly immature OP

And I don't understand what your AIBU is

reader1212 · 30/07/2019 16:53

I think some posters here are being unnecessarily harsh with you.

You took the morning-after pill within twelve hours of your one-night stand and had a subsequent sexual health check-up. Yes, you had unprotected sex, but you took action quickly and responsibly.

You got back together with your ex and decided to stop using contraception and start trying for a baby immediately. Though there are lots of posters here with something to say about that, it's no one's business but yours – and it's not what you came on here to ask about.

It sounds like you've also communicated well with your partner about the situation and you've been honest about your one-night stand, even though you were single when it happened.

The length of a pregnancy is measured from the first day of your last period, with the due date calculated by adding 40 weeks. The number of weeks that have passed since the first day of your last period is the gestational age.

Fertilisation age (also known as embryonic age or fetal age) is the number of weeks since conception. Though every woman is different, on average this occurs around two weeks after the first day of your last period, when you ovulate. So when we talk of pregnancy lasting 40 weeks, we mean 40 weeks gestational age and 38 weeks fertilisation age. (Those extra two weeks in gestational age are pre-conception.)

On 16 July, the doctor estimated gestational age at 6 weeks and 1 day, which means first day of your last period on 3 June and estimated conception on 17 June.

I'm not sure if this was at a different appointment, but you were also given an estimated due date of 4–7 March. This gives you an estimated date of conception of 12–15 June (with estimated first day of your last period between 29 May and 1 June).

Based on these dates, you conceived this pregnancy in mid June with your boyfriend –not the one-night stand.

For further reassurance, you took the morning-after pill within 12 hours of your one-night stand, so it's very unlikely that you'd be pregnant from that. It also sounds like it brought on your period early, on 1 June (which fits with estimated gestational age). The pregnancy tests you took in the first half of June also came back negative.

You're second-guessing yourself because you're anxious, which is totally understandable. You came on here for information and advice, and it's a shame you've had hurtful comments thrown your way. It's a curious approach from some people – writing judgemental comments and telling you to educate yourself but not bothering to answer any of the questions you raised in your post...

Best of luck to you, your partner and the new baby xx

yellowallpaper · 30/07/2019 16:54

I think it's most likely your current partners baby. The timing, MAP and the bleed indicate that you weren't pregnant then. Have you told your bf about the ONS?

Provided no one knows and can tell him I'd be inclined to keep quiet as you weren't a couple at the time. Not sure it will serve any purpose confessing and may create bigger problems. If when the baby is born there is any doubt about the timing then I think you will have to tell.

plasterboots · 30/07/2019 16:59

*I think some posters here are being unnecessarily harsh with you.

You took the morning-after pill within twelve hours of your one-night stand and had a subsequent sexual health check-up. Yes, you had unprotected sex, but you took action quickly and responsibly.

You got back together with your ex and decided to stop using contraception and start trying for a baby immediately. Though there are lots of posters here with something to say about that, it's no one's business but yours – and it's not what you came on here to ask about.*

It sounds like you've also communicated well with your partner about the situation and you've been honest about your one-night stand, even though you were single when it happened.

Are you seriously saying that OP took a sensible option and should be proud of how she's handled it?

She started trying for a baby BEFORE she was sure she wasnt already pregnant with someone else's!

It wasn't an accident and to be honest I think it's a pretty stupid thing to do. Why the rush.....why not wait one month, to be sure?

anon812 · 30/07/2019 17:03

@reader1212 makes sense. That is some very quick analysis!

Yes most likely your current bf.

TragicallyUnbeyachted · 30/07/2019 17:08

No one can give you a 100% definite answer, but if you'd conceived from the one night stand on 25 May you would ALMOST certainly have got a positive test by 18 June. I think you can be 99% confident that it's ex-boyfriend's baby.

Sjoe456 · 30/07/2019 17:08

Plaster boots no offence but what business is it of yours if we tried for a baby straight away we were with each other 2 years before that. Yes I was stupid and got drunk and slept with someone, and I panicked and went down next day and took MAP doesnt make me a shit person..

OP posts:
Deadposhtory · 30/07/2019 17:17

Good luck op and congrats

plasterboots · 30/07/2019 17:19

Plaster boots no offence but what business is it of yours if we tried for a baby straight away we were with each other 2 years before that. Yes I was stupid and got drunk and slept with someone, and I panicked and went down next day and took MAP doesnt make me a shit person..

  1. You are on a public forum
  2. You don't police that forum of who uses it
  3. It's as much my business to use the forum and make comment
  4. I never said you were a shit person for having a ONS, that's your imagination.
  5. I stand by trying to get pregnant by a second person when you're not sure you're not already pregnant by the first is a ridiculous decision to take
  6. Your AIBU, I'd say you're BU to even be in the position to have to ask that question
  7. Had this been an accident and not a deliberate conscious decision of a lot of unprotected sex to maximise your chances of falling, I would've had sympathy.
MarriageOfPigaro · 30/07/2019 17:19

No idea why all the nastiness.
OP, good luck with everything. C

anon812 · 30/07/2019 17:22

@plasterboots I know and I'm all for freedom of speech but there really isn't any reason to be unpleasant... if you don't have anything nice/useful to say it's best not to... obviously OP knows it's not an ideal scenario but is looking for advice.

HebeMumsnet · 30/07/2019 17:25

Afternoon, everyone. Just dropping by with a reminder that we don't allow troll hunting or personal attacks. We've deleted some pretty uncalled-for posts here. Thanks.

plasterboots · 30/07/2019 17:26

@anon812 it's a public forum. She won't always get sympathy! She chose this and that was her decision.

A bloody stupid one, so no I won't give it all the aww and lols.

It was not an accident.

oatmilk4breakfast · 30/07/2019 17:29

Agree with others that the morning after pill was successful with the one night stand and this pregnancy is with your boyfriend. The medical professionals have told you sale so if that’s what stressing you out I would let it go now.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/07/2019 17:30

Yes, plasterboots but she's right in that 'what's done is done'. It is. OP, from her post, wanted to know which of the two men was most likely the father of her baby and she's receive a lot of abuse and ridiculing.

Why does she need a lecture? You wouldn't be in that situation perhaps, I might not either, but OP is in that situation. Wagging your finger at her is going to achieve what exactly?

anon812 · 30/07/2019 17:35

@plasterboots she's not looking for sympathy. She's looking for advice. Please don't be nasty to people there just no need ❤️

anon812 · 30/07/2019 17:36

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe totally

@oatmilk4breakfast it looks like it doesn't it- post from @reader1212 makes complete sense in terms of timings

Emmapeeler · 30/07/2019 18:03

Maybe ordinary on Eastenders

A one night stand while on a break from a two year relationship, is hardly terrible. Nor is taking the MAP. It wouldn’t have been an unusual series of events among my friends in our twenties. Maybe times have changed? If so, not for the better.

Also, people are always getting pregnant from not using contraception and being told on here to go for it! Confused

Instatwat · 30/07/2019 18:07

A one night stand while on a break from a two year relationship, is hardly terrible. Nor is taking the MAP.

I don’t think this is the bit people have an issue with. It’s the fact she went back to her ex and they apparently decided to jump into TTC in what seems like a reckless manner, before she’d even ascertained that she wasn’t pregnant from the one night stand.

Grandmi · 30/07/2019 18:08

Plasterboots...what is your problem,the op doesn’t deserve your nasty judgemental comments ! Wouldn’t want to be standing at the school gate with you ! She has been reckless but doesn’t need to have it rammed home .