Overbearing PIL

[username302020]

Hi everyone. Long time user & poster, changed username for this post. Please, bare with me, this will be quite long, trying my best to keep it short.

I have been thinking for a while to post about this it's just I never got round to do it and this is a very sensitive topic for me.

I've been with my partner for 2 years now and we're due to get married next year in July.

His parents are overbearing and my partner doesn't do/say anything, which has made us have TERRIBLE fights and even making me wonder if I should go ahead with marriage or not.

I'll start by saying that we visit them for 3 days every 1.5 months or so. MIL also come twice a year for a week, she relaxes most of the time, doesn't offer her help with anything and makes a mess out of our house(her house is disgusting)

I'll give some examples, I'm ready to told IABU, if this is the case, I don't feel like I am too rational:

• FIL every single time we go there tells me "you've gained weight". For the record I was a size 8, I quit smoking and now I'm a size 10. This is a very sensitive subject for me (weight)

-Pretty much everything I say to my DP is taken as an offence by my MIL who says "don't upset my son" -They make unnanounced visits and he's fine with it -They have a key to our house -They try to interfere in the wedding even though they are not contributing at all -They make rude jokes towards me -They ask very personal questions -MIL wants to be called by me 2-3 times a week -If they are told something they start crying

Completely not relevant but my DP has a brother who lives in the same city as them and him and her wife are constantly fighting about the fact that he drives her everywhere (even hundreds of miles) and sees her everyday. She offers them money/gifts constantly and paid a considerable amount to their wedding (to make it clear, we don't need their money but they haven't offered!)

My problem is that I believe that my future husband should set some clear boundaries which is clearly doesn't happen and defends them all the time, whatever they do/say, which as I said, creates incredible tension in our relationship.

What would you do? I really don't know how to handle it anymore.

Thanks

Update: he came home and ignores me. What a shock

Go to your mum’s, you don’t need this shit

Pack your bags and move on with your life. This man is NOT the one for you. Be thankful you have the financial resources to free yourself from him.

Return the favour.
Say nothing and walk out.
Think how free you will feel.

Update: he came home and ignores me

Ah, so he still thinks you're on the naughty step; as you suggest, it's hardly a surprise with an individual like this (sorry, but I can't call him a man)

Such a shame he can't see what he's doing to any normal person's impression of him - but then he probably wouldn't care about that either

So are you busy packing op?

God save yourself the bother, you will only end up divorcing him when you finally realise he is never going to change and stop his parents being rude to you.

There should not be that many problems at that stage of your relationship.

Op I feel for you, I have an interfering mil that puts quite a bit of strain on my marriage. I started a mumsnet account just to vent about her. She wants to know all our personal details from financial matters to my private medical matters. She told my husband not to have a baby with me even though were married. She tries to have a say in everything we do, even small matters. She is a master manipulator and uses lots of emotional blackmail and bribary. Luckily my husband did not listen to her about not having a baby but getting him to be on my side and agree there is a problem with her behaviour feels like a losing battle. Getting him not to share our private matters is also very difficult. My mils behaviour is the main thing we argue about.
But your inlaws sound worse than mine. You have a partner problem as well because he allows it to happen. You need to ask yourself will he ever change and see a problem with their behaviour? And what will they be like when/if you have a baby? If you think they are overbearing now just wait until you have a baby. My Mil called every day for weeks! She became more interfering and overbearing.

Unfortunately I couldn't go to my mum's tonight because she s out of town for a congress and guess what: I don't have a key (shocking). ShE's coming back tomorrow afternoon so I can go to hers as soon as I finish work. I feel furious

I went in the living room and I am going to sleep here.

My dad used to make jokes about my OH job, it wasn’t malicious, definitely would not have bothered me and was just my dad trying to make banter when they first were getting to know each other but it pissed my OH off so I had a word with my dad and let him know it wasn’t bring received the way it was intended. And it stopped immediately, that’s because I cared about my partners feelings and I knew my dad isnt a jerk so he himself was embarrassed He'd offended
Your partner is prioritising his folks over you ( and they sound like they like upsetting you) ..... run !

Be strong x

Can you not book into a hotel for the night? Anything to get away from what you are in now

I feel furious
Good. That's exactly how you should be feeling. Carry on feeling furious. Can you stay with a friend tonight?

I got a key from my mum's. I just got an uber. How the hell i m surviving this?

Get yourself packed then and go to mums tomorrow

This will be your life if you dont do something

Cross post
Good woman!!

You will survive this. One day at a time. Stay strong!!

Stay strong. Good luck.

How the hell do I pack all my stutf tomorrow? I have no one to help. I'm having a panic attack

Excellent. Ignore any texts or calls tonight.

How soon can you get the rest of your stuff out? Do you have any joint assets?

Don't be surprised if MIL decides to contact you directly to tell you what a little fool you are and how dare you upset her darling boy...

you are doing the right thing for you.

Breathe, take enough for two days and then go. You don't need to pack everything, you don't need to decide your whole future now. Going to your mum's is just about giving yourself some space.

Ask someone. If one of my friends had a problem like this I would throw a sickie to bail them out.

Or ring around Man With a Van in the morning and pay for someone to help you?

@cuppycakey he won't call or text that s for sure.

I would take a day off work and book a man with a van
Do you have all personal stuff ie passport?