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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you shouldn’t announce non-whole-class parties to the whole class?

193 replies

ChunkyMonkey4321 · 29/07/2019 01:45

I’m in a Facebook group for my daughter’s school class and a mum has just posted ‘DD is having a small party with friends she has chosen and I still need to hear back from the following...’ From that list and who I know they are friends with, I realised my daughter was the only girl not invited. If it hadn’t been announced I wouldn’t have known or cared. DD has some special needs but no formal diagnosis as of yet so I know I’m very sensitive! Of course you can’t invite everyone and I’ve never done whole class parties but am I the only one who thinks it’s a bit out of order announcing it to everyone?

OP posts:
plasterboots · 29/07/2019 20:51

And before anyone like @AlmostAJillSandwich says that they bet my kids were the left out ones, luckily for them and me they weren't!

But I 100% would not have allowed them to exclude one girl, not etc.

BoronationStreet · 29/07/2019 20:55

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OooErMissus · 29/07/2019 21:32

Fact is, some children, be it due to SN or even just their personality, aren't very well liked by their peers even at a young age.

I think parents of children with SN know better than anyone that their children aren't 'well liked' enough to ever be invited.

Are you trying to help the OP get past this? Because you have a funny way of doing it, if so.

GreenTulips · 29/07/2019 21:43

The fact is leaving just one child in a group out does make it look like a deliberate exclusion

I don’t think anyone disagrees with this, AlmostAJillSandwich is just suggesting possible reasons for this.

It may be deliberate, it may be an oversight, I never did class parties, kids in favour changed every year, some years we invited 5 other years 10 or more, I have twins they did one weekend each. Some kids overlapped.

I can’t get worked up over it.

As twins I can’t think of one party they both attended - they knew early on sometimes it’s their turn sometimes it’s not.

Never offended!! Quite glad when we have party free weekends.

plasterboots · 29/07/2019 22:11

@GreenTulips but what if one of your twins was the only girl to be left out in the class?

This is not about 8 out of 16 being invited, it's about 25 out of 16 being invited and one of your DDs being tat one.,,,,

You sound massively smug and not very nice to one child being excluded.

plasterboots · 29/07/2019 22:12

*It's about 15 out of 16

gamerchick · 29/07/2019 22:40

Never offended!! Quite glad when we have party free weekends

Did you just copy and paste your previous post? Hmm

OooErMissus · 30/07/2019 01:28

Way to spectacularly (and repeatedly!) miss the point, GreenTulips...

MNersAreBatshit · 30/07/2019 06:30

Well it seems we all agree @AlmostAJillSandwich is a piece

Um no, she's one of the few voices of reason in a sea of histrionic virtue signalling.

SilentAlarm · 30/07/2019 06:35

What the mum should have done is set up a group chat for those invited and chased them up that way, not in the open group which everyone can see.

I doubt she did it to be malicious but she could have gone about it a little better.

plasterboots · 30/07/2019 06:45

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OooErMissus · 30/07/2019 07:32

Um no, she's one of the few voices of reason in a sea of histrionic virtue signalling.

Says the person with the username that suggests they hate the place ... yet goes to the trouble of creating a username, hanging out here, and posting.

Bit tragic, really Confused

Ski4130 · 30/07/2019 08:01

You’ve said your dd couldn’t go anyway, the message was on a chat for adults (ie none of the children could see it) and that there have been previous parties that your dd wasn’t invited to, that you weren’t phased by, so why does this one bother you? Genuine question, why does this one particular parent/child/situation warrant more angst than some of the other parties your daughter hadn’t attended have? Seems odd to pull one parent up on it, and not others throughout the year.

plasterboots · 30/07/2019 08:34

@Ski4130 because this one the DD was the only girl in the class excluded. I'm not sure that the others were like that.

Original poster
ChunkyMonkey4321 · 30/07/2019 09:08

@Ski4130 the whole original point of this was not ‘why didn’t my daughter get invited’ Wah wah. It was, if you choose to invite all but one girl and know you’ve invited all but one girl, don’t go out of your way to let that one person know that they aren’t invited.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChunkyMonkey4321 · 30/07/2019 09:09

Or her parent in this case

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 30/07/2019 09:15

Tricky one. I think it’s tactless, but the kids are going to talk about the party anyway, so if the OP’s DD is going to be upset, that’s going to happen irrespective of what is posted in an adult’s WA group.

TalkingOrmer · 01/08/2019 18:57

@ChunkyMonkey4321 did you ever receive a reply?

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