To leave my friend on her own?

[ThrowAwayQP]

Long story short, a friend and I have recalled halfway across the world to a large city on holiday.

We clearly have very different ways of holidaying. I like to plan things to do, to know what train to catch, to get to places as they open and to fill every available minute with activities.. after all; we’ve paid more than £3000 for this trip!

She on the other hand is very floaty, stop every five minutes for a fag; it doesn’t matter if we don’t get this train, wants to sit down and go on her phone a lot... I can just about put up this.

But now it’s the evening; I want to get ready and go out for drinks. I’ve just spent a good half an hour convincing her we’re not just staying in and watching telly in the hotel. Now she’s decided she wants to go buy makeup; but despite me trying to drop hints I’d like to get on with it; she’s still laid on her bed flicking through her phone.

Firstly I know everyone holidays in their own way; but it be nice to know there are others like me; and secondly would I BU to just leave her (despite her protesting she doesn’t me to leave her alone) and just start getting ready?

OP are you a teacher?

MsJRMEsq I know someone who is just like OP.... who is a teacher. So true.

Presumably this is an amazing place and you have vvv limited time there.

Don’t travel with her to good places again- only lazy beach holidays.

Does she have a new boyfriend/girlfriend that she is so obsessed with her phone?

I’m afraid you would drive me insane! I like to plan for things when on a city break but the early up, rush rush rush, see, walk, rush rush rush holiday style is definitely not mine. When I have done holidays like that I’ve found that it’s totally spoilt the experience for me! I think you need to ease back and then your friend will engage more. I think she’s just a bit fed up of your micromanaging her holiday and I feel for her.

I wonder what the OP did in the end.

I am intrigued how your friend got halfway across the world (presumably on a plane) if she is such a dedicated smoker ?

I'm a dedicated smoker and have flown to Australia twice. As I'm not allowed to smoke, I don't fret that I could be having one if that makes sense? --

OP I am exactly like you - life is too short to spend citibreaks sleeping and checking facebook.

I usually have happy holidays with dissimilar friends by briefing them on exactly what I intend to do the following morning, afternoon, etc, then say that if they want to join me they are welcome, but i'm happy to go alone and meet them a bit later. Usually we will plan to meet up around lunchtime, by which time ive already seen a couple of things and am ready for a slower pace

AncientStudent - I think you maybe need to go back to your nursery thread or back to your studies you seem to be getting somewhat sidetracked.

Wondering why you agreed to go on an expensive holiday with someone who likes to do things so differently?

Daddylonglegs1965 Tue 30-Jul-19 22:18:00
"AncientStudent - I think you maybe need to go back to your nursery thread or back to your studies you seem to be getting somewhat sidetracked."

Daddylonglegs1965 I don't have 'a nursery thread' you have me confused with Ariadne.

I think you might be getting somewhat sidetracked

I'd be much more like your friend, I hate being rushed and busied about on holiday. You obviously both have very different holiday styles, which is fine, but I guess a compromise needs to be found somewhere

Does she have a new boyfriend/girlfriend that she is so obsessed with her phone?

Or maybe she is texting for rescue from the route marches or asking for coping strategies. Maybe there is a thread on Netsmums suggesting she goes for recreational fags by way of light relief?

She sounds horrendously selfish (and weirdly controlling in that lazy attitude) and you sound like a child. Have your shower! Go out!

Unfortunately, I know many many cases of holidays permanently affecting friendships in a negative way. So at least you're not alone in that...

OP I wish you could plan my holidays!

In my opinion you are both a bit extreme in your own way!
Just wondering have you not been on holiday with this friend before?

Think I’m in-betweeny. The aimless wafting and missing buses would irritate the bejesus out of me...but so too would Miss Itinerary. I like to make a basic plan and generally stick to it but I wouldn’t want anyone researching it down to what way we walk round a museum. It’s not a school trip!

Me too I love to plan the day and get places early but to plan which way you walk around a museum! That would annoy the hell out of me and I'd purposely lose you in there so I could just have a lovely wander on my own 😆

I agree you are both nightmare travelling companions

You need to chill out and she needs to stop missing trains

I once went on a sightseeing holiday with a friend like you and tbh I was actually just completely exhausted at one point. Maybe she's just really tired this evening? They expected me to get up early for breakfast, run around following a schedule all day to 'maximise time' and then drink all evening. It was too much and I hated it.

You both need to st down like adults, as you like planning so much come up with a more relaxed plan and learn to go with the flow a little bit. It all sounds very stressy

Well to update you all, I think the friendship might be over anyway as we are clearly doing each other’s nut in!

I’ve told her that she is more than welcome to spend time by the pool or lounging about if she wants and I’ll go out. I’ve explained that I don’t find lounging relaxing as all I can thinking about if the £100s per hour I’m paying to sit and do what I could at home.

I’ve told her, she is more than welcome to do what she wants to do; it what I want to do is get up early, sightsee, experience the place and pack as much ‘doing’ into my time.

She then got very ratty with me and told me she “didn’t come on holiday to spend time on [her] own.” She told me that was boring.

Yesterday it got to three in the afternoon and she was “too hot” and insisted we go back to the hotel. I wanted to stay out and told her I’d meet her there. She literally started sobbing in the street until I agreed to go with her; telling me she had travel anxiety and needed me with her at all times. We spent the entire rest of the day in the hotel room watching television and I fucking resented every second of it... and she told me off for being grumpy!!

I admit I was a bit naive in all this. She is very floppy and flaky at home; but then i am as well when I’m not paying for every hour so I maybe assumed she’d liven up abit when we got out here.

In future, I shall holiday without her!

I don’t know if I can bare another 5 days of her making me late for everything; and begrudging tagging along only to moan about going back the hotel after a few hours.

OP I like to plan things too but you would both drive me up the wall.
Her for her flaky boring time wasting unadventurous feeble attitude and you for treating every minute of the holiday as an exhausting route march to ensure you get your money’s worth at all costs.
Honestly how about enjoying a coffee or a drink and some people watching or watching the world go by so you can soak up some culture she can relax a little and have a break from your itinerary and the inside of the hotel room.

@Daddylonglegs1965 but that’s just the thing! I’d be more than happy to sit at a bar or coffee shop for a bit; in fact it’s what I wanted tot do yesterday afternoon.

All my ‘friend’ seems to want to do is sit inside the hotel; either by the pool or on her bed.

Bloody hell, what a nightmare. Her “anxiety” is not your issue. This is not about someone being carefree and not wanting to plan. This is someone selfish and actively ruining your holiday. She does not give a shit. I’d pack my bag and change hotels. If she has real issues, she was under a duty to tell you beforehand that you would be expected to stay with her at all times and that she plans on spending a lot of time in the hotel. Friendship over no matter what you do, make the most of the holiday.

Doesn’t sound like she’s just got travel anxiety but life anxiety.

This friendship is doomed anyway. Just go out and do what you like.

She can just sit in her room or by the pool.

Oh OP! I would be grumpy too if I was forced to spend the entire afternoon in a hotel room watching tv having spent hundreds on a holiday!

Plan out the next five days together. Be quite insistent that if she wants to spend it together then it has to have lots of fun filled going out time. And that you are happy to chill in a coffee shop or other place but that you will NOT be spending an entire afternoon in the hotel room again.

(If she’s in the sanctuary of the hotel room why does she need someone with her? She clearly has a working phone.)

Hope you can work something out x

Sorry but if it's a trip of a lifetime you need to get back out there. Take her back to the hotel then go out and explore. She's only happy by the pool? Fine. Leave her there. It's your holiday too.

And that's the compromise. The alternative is you take a day in then where you both have to do what that persons planned. I can't see that working at all to be honest.

Where are you? I'm very jealous!

Oh dear OP no this sounds very much worse. She has mental health issues not just a laid back approach to life I think she needs to get the next plane home. She should have declared this before booking a holiday with you.

@Dasiysdrum she says she needs me with her in the hotel room / by the pool because otherwise it is “boring” and “she didn’t come on holiday to spend time alone”!