Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my friend on her own?

197 replies

ThrowAwayQP · 28/07/2019 23:23

Long story short, a friend and I have recalled halfway across the world to a large city on holiday.

We clearly have very different ways of holidaying. I like to plan things to do, to know what train to catch, to get to places as they open and to fill every available minute with activities.. after all; we’ve paid more than £3000 for this trip!

She on the other hand is very floaty, stop every five minutes for a fag; it doesn’t matter if we don’t get this train, wants to sit down and go on her phone a lot... I can just about put up this.

But now it’s the evening; I want to get ready and go out for drinks. I’ve just spent a good half an hour convincing her we’re not just staying in and watching telly in the hotel. Now she’s decided she wants to go buy makeup; but despite me trying to drop hints I’d like to get on with it; she’s still laid on her bed flicking through her phone.

Firstly I know everyone holidays in their own way; but it be nice to know there are others like me; and secondly would I BU to just leave her (despite her protesting she doesn’t me to leave her alone) and just start getting ready?

OP posts:
IAskTooManyQuestions · 29/07/2019 06:39

Let’s say we want to go to a museum. I’ll look up the subway times, and when the museum opens, and a museum map. I’ll plan which train we need to get to beat the queues, which extras we want to buy while we’re there, and the most efficient path round the museum. Whereas my friend will just float along to the subway station and (this really happened) see a train due in two minutes with the next one due in an hour; and decide to come out of the station for a fag; miss the train and have to wait an hour and she doesn’t see why that’s an issue!

TBH, you are just too much as a holiday partner, who wants to be full on, on a holiday !

SmileEachDay · 29/07/2019 06:48

the most efficient path round the museum

😱

This makes me want to go for a fag and miss the train, and I don’t even smoke Grin

You guys need to talk, like grown ups.

continuallychargingmyphone · 29/07/2019 06:50

That was what I was thinking, pitsch Grin

prawnsword · 29/07/2019 06:50

you are totally mismatched as travel partners ! I see the benefits of both sides, am a bit like you but also like to not plan too much & get lost in the city am exploring.

You lost me when you plan which way to walk through a museum. That would be too much structure for me personally.

It sounds like you are a non smoker which will understandably grate having to wait for her every time she wants a break. that would be difficult, but when it happens & you get delayed maybe take a pause, breathe & be happy to be in such a wonderful place in that moment. An extra hour in the morning means you could wander a bit & find something unexpected !

pictish · 29/07/2019 06:51

“This makes me want to go for a fag and miss the train.”

Ya me too...and I’m not a wafter by any means, I just don’t need every minute of my day organised for me. I’d be rebelling too. Grin

prawnsword · 29/07/2019 06:52

Sorry didn’t answer your question! You are not unreasonable to go out without her. I would, but also probably would sever the friendship when we returned home. Someone so into their phone while on holidays would not be someone I could respect as much after that...

FenellaMaxwell · 29/07/2019 06:56

It sounds like you both need to adjust your behaviours - she needs to stop being so scatty and you need to stop being a fun sponge. Checking opening times and train times I absolutely get and would do myself. Planning the most efficient route around the museum sounds utterly joyless.

It’s entirely possible you are annoying her as much as she is annoying you so why don’t you try and relax a bit and you may find her behaviour improves as a result.

PunchandRudy · 29/07/2019 06:57

I would LOVE you as a travel partner!

I'm you, but my DH is your friend. I've learnt that sometimes doing things his way (no plan or organisation) sometimes leads to great days where you enjoy the unexpected.

But ultimately, travelling with a friend who is so opposite is really difficult.

Can you compromise a little? Have your organised days every other day, for example?

pictish · 29/07/2019 06:59

Oh but OP yadnbu to go out without her. Of course you can and should. She’s a minx to pout at the suggestion, as though she’s 5.

MotherTime3 · 29/07/2019 07:01

Bloody hell, sometimes a wander around a new place is a beautifully activity in itself. I wouldn’t want to wait an hour for a bus if I know where I’m going, but if I’m enjoying the environment I wouldn’t mind wandering around and finding something to see/do.
And I’m afraid if you tried to plan my route around a museum, I would be doing all I could to find another route. Micro management on holiday is not my style.

Vulpine · 29/07/2019 07:04

Such a waste to spend the night on a hotel room watching tv. You can do that at home. She sounds like a right pain.

Hillaria · 29/07/2019 07:08

This makes me want to go for a fag and miss the train, and I don’t even smoke

Couldn't have put it better, @SmileEachDay

Zoeyclash · 29/07/2019 07:11

That sounds very frustrating for you OP. I definitely think you need to sit down and chat about coming to a compromise. As PP suggested, maybe your friend could suggest some activity for the morning that you both could do, and then you could plan something for the afternoon.

I have to ask though..... did you not know that your friend would be like this on holiday? You must have known her well to book a holiday together for just the two of you.

Elderflower14 · 29/07/2019 07:13

I went away with a friend once. I had a similar problem.. I go away on my own now..... Much less stress....

Shoxfordian · 29/07/2019 07:16

Yeah sounds like you shouldn't go on holiday with her again. She does seem overly flaky but equally I wouldn't want to be on a route march with you either.

notsohippychick · 29/07/2019 07:17

Oooh OP I can see why you are frustrated but do you think you could chill out a bit? Not every day has to be planned with military precision, sometimes taking a leisurely wander is wonderful, and I’ve had some of my best travelling days like that. You don’t need to plan the route around the museum!

notsohippychick · 29/07/2019 07:17

shox route march! This had me tittering!

MollyButton · 29/07/2019 07:19

Why are you on holiday with her - especially at such an expensive destination?
To be honest you both sound like nightmares to me. I couldn't bear to be so tightly organised and have no time to just drift or sit and stare. But on the other hand missing the train would have annoyed me.

bumblingbovine49 · 29/07/2019 07:20

Rushing around, planning and working out deals is exhausting to me and absolutely not my idea of a holiday . I only like seeing one or absolute maximum two ' sights' a dayand like to at minimum alternate sightseeing wot much lazier days wandering and sitting in coffee shops so I understand your friend BUT refusing to do things on her own is the problem here. She needs to do some things on her own.

zafferana · 29/07/2019 07:21

I can see why this would drive you round the bend as the two of you have utterly different holidaying styles. I'm more like you tbh and I struggle to holiday with people who are more 'go with the flow, we're on holiday, why the rush?', because by drifting around you just waste loads of time and often end up spending way more money than if you'd spent 5 mins looking stuff up first. So I'm with you OP, but that doesn't solve your problem. I think I'd say 'I'm going to X bar in X mins. If you want to come with me you need to be ready by then'.

TatianaLarina · 29/07/2019 07:27

I think you should just crack on and do your own thing.

I’m not really sure why you’re friends with her anyway.

NoParticularPattern · 29/07/2019 07:31

I think you both need to learn the art of compromise. The wafty floaty wandering aimlessly and missing trains thing would irritate me until the 32nd of Never, but I’d probably end up being like it out of badness if the person I was with was obsessive enough to plan the most efficient route around the museum. It’s a museum. It’s not supposed to be efficient. It is not an exercise in how to do the most stuff in the least amount of time for the least money. You are supposed to be on holiday. Chill out a bit and take a leaf out of each other’s books and you might both get on a bit better. You would not be unreasonable to go out without her though if she’s faffing, she would be unreasonable to kick off about it if you’ve given her plenty of chances to come with. And I don’t just mean you saying “let’s go out” and getting ready. You’re probably going to have to say “I’m going to X NOW, are you coming or should I meet you there/see you later?”.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 29/07/2019 07:34

I’d tell her, if your not ready in 45 mins... you can meet me in the hotel, I am not spending 3K to sit in a hotel room.

As for the shower, first come first served.

Thewheelsarefallingoff · 29/07/2019 07:41

The only thing she did with the museum trip that I would have a problem with is miss the train. Everything else was fine. I think as a pp suggested, you are being overbearing and she is rebelling.

IamHyouweegobshite · 29/07/2019 07:47

I can see both sides here- I completely understand getting the right transport, opening times etc... But a route march around a museum?! 😳 That's makes me feel juddery just thinking about it.
I (and family) went on a 4 night break with a friend and her family last year, think popular character destination. It was awful, everything had to be planned to the minute detail, we couldn't even get the kids food without controversy, I will never go away with a friend again.
I'm organised, but laid back with it too, do the holiday you want and let her do the holiday she wants... Dibs on first shower 🚿.

Swipe left for the next trending thread