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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to DH regarding solo trip.

174 replies

TravellingSpoon · 28/07/2019 09:53

I have been planning a solo trip for ages, having been wanting to do it for as long as I can remember. I am on a low wage and have saved up so that I can go in September next year. I didn't wat to use family money for it because its just for me so it's taken a while.

DH announced last night that we thinks we should do it together. I am not particularly happy about this and doesn't really want him to come at all. I wanted this to be something that I did, it has religious significance to me whereas DH is an atheist and quite vocal about it.

DH has been on several lone trips to Asia and is planning one to Aus in late 2020. AIBU to say that I don't want him to come with me?

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 28/07/2019 09:56

Yanbu, as you say he's got lone trips booked, why can't you? What was his reason for suddenly wanting to come with?

ALittleBitAlexis · 28/07/2019 09:56

YANBU, he's known all along it's a solo trip and as he takes them himself it shouldn't be difficult for him to accept.

Treaclesweet · 28/07/2019 09:56

YANBU. Hold firm he is being very selfish trying to hijack your experience.

TipseyTorvey · 28/07/2019 09:56

I think you need to be very gentle about letting him know that you really really want to do this alone. Nothing personal but this is how you have it planned but the two of you can plan something together for another time. I never get why couples have to do everything together anyway. Yanbu imo.

NoHummus · 28/07/2019 09:58

YANBU. Stick to your guns and go by yourself. Hope you have a good trip.

EnoughLifeLessons · 28/07/2019 10:00

If he takes solo trips, why aren't you allowed one? I think it's a bit weird for a married couple to take lots of solo trips but it works for you. What's his argument? God forbid you have some fun without him?

HennyPennyHorror · 28/07/2019 10:01

Tipsey why does she have to be "very gentle" about letting him know? He's a grown man not a toddler!

He also already KNOWS it's her trip.

Bollocks to that. OP just because he's "announced" he thinks you should go together, doesn't mean it's going to happen.

Just say no.

TheWernethWife · 28/07/2019 10:01

WTF about "being very gentle" this is your solo trip that you have planned to suit you. He is being unreasonable trying to hijack it, does he think you will be off shagging strangers. Sounds very controlling to me.

goldpendant · 28/07/2019 10:01

If he can afford solo trips to Asia and Australia can I ask why you've had to save for so long for your one trip? Where are you going? Do you share finances?

MrsMozartMkII · 28/07/2019 10:02

He's had solo trips. This one is yours. Go alone.

NoSquirrels · 28/07/2019 10:03

YANBU.

It’s a trip with religious significance and your DH is an atheist! Tell him just that.

Then plan your next joint holiday.

Zebraaa · 28/07/2019 10:05

@TheWernethWife controlling? Hmm he’s only asked to go with her.

Just say no.

billy1966 · 28/07/2019 10:05

Absolutely YANBU.

Don't entertain it or him.

He's known this is your solo trip.
He does not get to decide if he'd like to go.
It's by invitation only, and he doesn't have one.

Stick to your guns OP.

CatInADoghouse · 28/07/2019 10:06

YANBU. Stand your ground and tell him no. It's not as though he isn't allowed to go on solo trips and expensive trips at that. I hope his next trip isn't coming out of family money either!

MsJaneAusten · 28/07/2019 10:07

YANBU. This is for you. Don’t let him change that.

Shoxfordian · 28/07/2019 10:08

Yanbu
Tell him why it matters to you and that you want to go alone

Pineapplefish · 28/07/2019 10:10

YANBU at all! Why does he think it's ok for him to have solo trips but not you?

supersop60 · 28/07/2019 10:10

YANBU. It's your turn for a solo trip, and it sounds like he'd ruin the religious experience for you anyway.

Scarydinosaurs · 28/07/2019 10:11

Why does he want to do it together?

LannieDuck · 28/07/2019 10:12

How does he pay for his solo trips? And how is he planning to pay to join you on yours?

Zebraaa · 28/07/2019 10:12

He might just think it sounds a fun trip and wants to be included! There could be no maliciousness in wanting to go.

avalanching · 28/07/2019 10:13

YANBU about going on this trip alone, but do you and your DH go away alone together at other times? If not I would take this to mean he wants to go away the both of you so perhaps you could plan and save for an additional trip the both of you to somewhere else?

CatteStreet · 28/07/2019 10:13

I also wondered why you (as a family) can afford trips (plural) to Asia for him but yours you have to save for over a prolonged period?

YANBU. This is your thing. He gets his own. Stand firm.

NoSquirrels · 28/07/2019 10:16

If he’s going to Australia alone in late 2020 then it’s even worse he’s piggybacking your trip!

Doesn’t he need to stay home to look after animals/DC/plants etc.?
Won’t he have no holiday time left?
How can he afford two trips when he’s paying for Oz too?

TipseyTorvey · 28/07/2019 10:18

Ha ha fair enough on the gentle. I just thought maybe he was a sensitive soul who loved spending time with OP and might be hurt if she told him a straight 'no'. You know how he is better than anyone so deliver the message however it suits. Still think yanbu though!

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