To ask what you actually can't do after having children?

[BinkyBaa]

I'd like to have children in the next few years but I'm a serial worrier/over planner. I see lots of vague statements get thrown around on here about things like holidays and hobbies not being possible anymore after children.
Obviously I know life is different forever after having DCs but aibu to ask is there really anything children stop you doing ever again entirely?

Technically you can do whatever you like but you have only a certain amount of time and energy so you have to prioritise and often you end up feeling that to do the things you want to do is not worth the organisational effort, cost and hassle of arranging to do it.

kids use a lot of spoons.

• sleeping more than 6 hours for the first few years

• staying at work an extra 30 mins to get that project finished. When the clock strikes whatever you have to go to get to nursery.

• popping out because you’ve forgotten something

• holidays (not that you can’t do them but they will be very different)

Being spontaneous. Everything else is possible but requires planning!

Being a mother is the hardest thing I've ever done but it's so worth it. I miss my old life a lot but I know I'll get my life back one day... bit by bit

I don't really leave the house anymore with a 1 and 2 year old. They're both constantly running in different directions, hate prams and slings, the youngest hates the car etc. Can't get anyone to look after them because they're so difficult. So basically, I can't do anything.

-Poo or shower in peace until they are at school.
-Lie in bed on Sunday mornings and watch Hollyoaks omnibus with a massive hangover and the Sunday papers.
....in fact, don't waste your money on the Sunday papers ever again.
-Have a spontaneous all day drinking session in the pub.
....in face most spontaneous activities go out the window.....

• Eat out in peace.
• choose a holiday destination based solely on your desire.

Still..... wouldn't change my world.

@NataliaOsipova

Things aren't the same, but it doesn't mean social life / relaxing / time for our self / enjoying life has to end.

Oh, and when they are teens / young adults, all the stuff like lie-ins comes back

Having a poo by yourself. Dd wants to come in the bathroom every bloody time. Have to try and sneak away when she's not looking.

Pretty much everything my case. I no longer do 5 exercise classes a week, work full time, run, go out, ride my horse, see friends, walk in the evenings, go to the toilet alone, read a book on Sundays, blitz the housework in one go Saturday afternoons, get drunk, blah blah blah. That is , though, because I chose the wrong man to have children with and now I'm a single mum to 2 small children. But it IS fabulous, and I can only imagine how great it would be with the right man.

All depends on your levels of support available.

We quite deliberately stayed near our parents and siblings, and as such we went out together quite a lot from when each child was a few months old. But I know other couples who've basically not had a night out in years, though often, IMO, that was due to over-anxiety on part of a parent who has decided that they can't possibly leave their DC with anyone (even parents sometimes) until it becomes so pathological a belief that they're somehow a bad parent for leaving their child for a few hours that they can barely do it. So don't get like that!

Hobbies can happen, depending on what they are, as can fitness, but they have to be rationed. If you or a DP who think you can keep going the gym 3 times a week (other than super early morning), you're going to have to go down to twice max, or get up and go before you/partner go to work.

The first couple of years will obviously be more limiting that later ones and obviously some babies and toddlers are much less demanding than others.

One way or another, be prepared to compromise, but it's not the end of everything.

Spend rainy Saturdays lying on the sofa watching films....instead you spend it in a roasting hot noisy soft play

Sleeping in for a good few years (I have teens / preteens now, so we all sleep late on weekends and holidays!)
Nights out without first sorting childcare.
In fact most out of the house activities without sorting childcare!
Holidays are still possible, but the logistics are different with small children, and I guess it’s harder to switch off completely. Again, this gets easier as they get older.

Well me and DP are going to Alton Towers tomorrow and I haven’t done anything like that for ‘myself’ since about 2 years before children (was actively trying before). Things that used to be simple are just so much harder with the kids to think about. Also holidays are alot more expensive now we’re confined to school holidays

Have a 2-seater sports car as your only vehicle

NB, having a poo/wee by youself - bit of a bugbear here. SHUT THE DOOR. That is what we did, problem solved, our children are still alive.

I think stylish put it best for me. I've just taken dc1 (6) away to visit family and left dc2 (5) with dh. Whilst it's lovely, fun and easy (why did I ever think 1 was hard?!) I feel incomplete without my little dictator.

You never switch off, never stop worrying (because no one will look after them like you), and they're never out of your mind.

But it's the absolute best decision we ever made and wouldn't change a second. I can't be away from them without feeling like I'm missing an arm or sneeze without being scared I've peed myself a little bit but that's about it on the can't do side of the list.

Depends - on your circumstances or on the children.

We have no family around. My children are both disabled. So we can’t do much of anything unless it’s suitable for the kids and fits in around them. My friends with typical kids and family support get to do lots they did before.

The things I really miss are:

• being able to have a boozy night and a massive lie in the next day. We give each other a lie in every weekend but it’s not the same.
• being able to go to the gym as much as I would like
• having adult holidays where you don’t have to worry about where the baby is sleeping/car seat logistics/shady spots for them/what we do about nap time/will the baby be ok on the flight etc etc
• just lounging and being super lazy without having to entertain a toddler
• not having to align social plans with my husband

But I wouldn’t change it for the world.

@Echobelly I had 2 under 2, really not a good idea to leave them together unsupervised. Very very steep stairs with a door at the bottom, so wasn't really happy leaving one downstairs. So both came up with me, and at least 1 into the bathroom. Now, 2 yrs on, I do sometimes get to go alone. They're not happy but I'm reclaiming solo poops.

I literally came on to say I daren't trampoline anymore but see I've been beaten to it lol

When you finally get free time away from your kids, you won't be productive and tick things off your to do list because you'll be too damn tired.

read "five minutes peace" about Mrs Large of the elephant family plus other books in same series - mind nothing is written about her pelvic floor (imagine giving birth to baby elephants - & she had 3!!!)

The only thing I can't do anymore is sleep until I'm satisfied.

I can't not think about my children, obviously when I'm with them but also when we're apart.
It's something I have struggled with over the years. I can be distracted but never quite switch off from Mum and most of the time that's ok but there's been times in my life when I have found it incredibly suffocating.

On a less serious not loud sex whenever the mood takes us.

Do anything requiring spontaneity.

Fancy a drink after work? Need to check childcare is sorted first.

Want to go for a run? Need to check your other half is up/out of the shower/ doesn't have other commitments.

Want a lie in? Need to negotiate it before you go to bed.

You get the gist.

NB, having a poo/wee by youself - bit of a bugbear here. SHUT THE DOOR. That is what we did, problem solved, our children are still alive.

In public loos?