To ask what you actually can't do after having children?

[BinkyBaa]

I'd like to have children in the next few years but I'm a serial worrier/over planner. I see lots of vague statements get thrown around on here about things like holidays and hobbies not being possible anymore after children.
Obviously I know life is different forever after having DCs but aibu to ask is there really anything children stop you doing ever again entirely?

Lie in.

im a single mom. Its tough, but absolutely worth it and I wouldnt change a thing!

I have never understood this ‘can’t go to the loo in peace’ thing. Just tell your children you want privacy?!

When they are babies, put them down for a minute somewhere safe. Yes, when you’re out alone with them there’s no peace, but that’s not all the time...

The only things I miss are a) going out in the evening with DH without organising in advance. B) flights in which we got mildly drunk and read books the whole way

I can still do everything because my child has another parent; it’s doing stuff together without her that needs organising.

Holidays are fab, we do long haul and do all the same evening eating and wandering night markets as we used to. You just relax bedtime!

Sleep

Eat your food at a leisurely pace

Have a bath without 'help'

Sleep

Have a rest on holiday

Sleep

@Doubleraspberry this was SO me, I wish I had been aware of this in the early days. It crippled me to be honest, I kept being told it was mild PND but it wasn't .....

Safe to say now thou, 6 years later and I couldn't be happier

Like a PP said, determine how my day is on my own. If he's in a good mood, I'm in a good mood. If he's cranky, I'm cranky. His mood is pretty much determined by how well he's slept, which is sooo inconsistant.

If you can't do it with a baby, then I don't do it. His granny came round last week so I could go to slimming world, that's the only time I've not had with him this week.

I've not done any exercise for months, that's what I'm currently struggling with. I used to go to the gym 3 times a week. If I do have a window now, it's literally my last priority. On the plus side, he's good in cafes, so plenty of tea and cake :).

I tried baby cinema, it was a nightmare now he's crawling. I spent most of it sat at the front, chasing around after him and fending off the 'big kids'.

I've not been further from home than 4hrs since he was born because he's a nightmare to travel with (a 3hr journey took 6hrs last month). We've had a couple of long weekends away, but not a holiday yet.

On the occasion I see childfree friends that I share a hobby with, I find it difficult not talking constantly about him. When I go out with my husband without him, I find it difficult not talking constantly about him (you get the picture). Your world revolves so heavily around his needs, it's your top priority (as above, his mood heavily effects your mood, so it's in your interests to anticipate his every need).

My husband is working long hours at the moment, so I'm housebound once DS goes to bed. Thank heavens for just eat!

But his little smile and the cuddles do make it all worth it. Plus watching him learn new things.

Things I don't struggle with (although he's only 9months):

Having a wee/shower solo
Leaving the house without an hour's preparation (this morning I went out armed with - shock horror - just a nappy, sling and the car keys)
Eating my own food
Drinking tea how I like it (lukewarm, luckily)
At the moment, sleeping (but this is just a phase, it'll go downhill again, I'm sure)

Putting yourself first.

I have never understood this ‘can’t go to the loo in peace’ thing. Just tell your children you want privacy?!

"But muuuum, I need a poo nooooow!", "But muum....look at this dance I can do...", "but muuuum, so and so LOOKED at me! Mum! MUUUUM! MUUUUUUUM!", "mum...mum....MUM...What's that mum? What are you doing mum? HEY EVERYONE, MUM"S BLEEDING!!! MUM!!! ARE YOU DYING?!!" and so on.

I guess we really need working locks on our bathroom doors.

So many of these things are transitory. When you're in the thick of it, it's hard. But time passes and things change again.

I absolutely did have one of those toddler who wanted to accompany me everywhere. But I promise you that now she is 17 years old, she has well and truly got over the urge to watch me poo!!! Lie-ins are not a problem; kids sleep till mid-day. Sometimes they are out and we have the place to ourselves - sometimes we are all piled on the sofa watching a movie together. Life has gradually become more spontaneous again. And now we have two actual walking, talking human beings to share it all with, together with a huge heap of excellent memories. I would not in a million years be without them.

The one thing I miss is being able to get completely lost in a book. Now the kids are teenagers I seem to have lost the habit of reading and keep thinking there's some jobs to be done round the house there usually is, to be fair so I can't let myself get into a book.

AnotherEmma I have told my children that I do not expect them to care for me (honestly hope I just drop off the twig when time is right) & they are close (ish) so hopefully will work together. I put the ish because since one of them has married the "in law" had caused a few issues between them. Although my siblings and I all got on it took the death of one of our parents for it all to fall apart. Families are complex and you just have to do your best.

Ha don't I know it

Pee alone
Have a bath that last longer than 5 mins
Eat the bloody treats iv bought for myself (swear my sons half bloodhound the kid can sniff treats out anywere)
I do buy them treats aswell.
Honestly yes life changes but not forever. No i cant decied to go out with my friends for a drunk night out last min it takes at least a weeks planning. I cant just pop to the shop at night or have a lay in but my kids are young 4&5 and iv noticed these last few weeks they are getting more independent and dont need me for some things and its bloody killing me a bit. Last year if they went to stay with my mum or sister a night its was tears and id have to facetime them to go to sleep and be there early to collect them but now they look for sleepovers and i sometimes dont get the hugs and kisses goodbye. Things do change but its worth the change.
Im all soppy now im never normally like this, thats another change you see the world so different things that wouldnt normally get to you have you in buckets of tears.

Thinking that the war against sexism has been won.

Going to pub quizzes or other low-key informal evening events with your dp (for as long as you and the child's father are together, or until your child is 18, so not for ever) - whilst you'll arrange babysitting for big things like parties, theatre trips etc, it will never seem worth it for little things like that.

Making any decision purely on the basis of what you yourself want without worrying about the emotional fallout that might affect your dc - this remains after kids are adult for the biggest decisions.

You never lose the anguish and feelings of impotence when life deals them a rough hand.

Fully enjoying yourself.
You may still have a night out, holiday without the child/children but you're never free from worry of leaving them ... Even nursery/school, it's like dropping your heart off and you're never complete until you collect them

Sleep in past 7am (5am here 😭)

Eat a meal during the day without being whined at

Get work done (I’m a teacher currently trying to set my classroom up with 8 month old in tow)

Have a long leisurely shower in the morning

Enjoy a ‘lay by the pool at a nice AI resort’ type holiday

We want to have another one so DD has a sibling, but I am VERY envious of my friends with 4/5/6 year olds right now!

Ignore what's happening in the world/shut the news out. I think a lot about what kind of planet our children will be living in 40 years, 60 years, something that never much bothered me before.

Drink a hot drink whilst it's still hot
Go to the toilet alone
Find time to look after your basic needs
Have a career in the same way as before children
Eat a meal out in peace
Hold your wee
Be spontaneous
Spend any money on yourself without horrendous guilt even if it's the smallest amount.
Eat
Sleep
Dream

It's all worth it though to have the unconditional love of your own personalised terrorist.

Go anywhere in my house by myself.

Reading...how I miss you. Closest I get is subtitles on Peppa pig.

I thought it would be hard, but I wasn’t prepared for how hard. People who have a good support network of extended family do seem to find it easier (although sometimes at the expense of privacy etc!).

I’ve found the lack of spontaneity hard. Everything has to be planned in advance or else it’s a nightmare!
The fact that either DH or I HAS to be at nursery by a certain time as there is no one available as a back up.
The career juggling. We both enjoy our jobs and neither would want to be at home all the time, but it’s really hard when people don’t understand that you can’t just stay late at work, or ‘pop’ into London in the early evening to their networking event.
The having to keep going even though you’re ill. I completely underestimated this one but having to get up and deal with a toddler when eg you and DH have both been throwing up all night is just grim.
The end to lazy weekend mornings - toddler goes mad if we don’t leave the house and DO something so you end up at the park in the freezing cold, in a noisy soft play etc.
I remember at 3mo realising that we’d never have a night away from DD until at least Brownie holiday, which was very depressing!
The constant pressure to be well to keep everything functioning. Even though DD has been a good sleeper from the beginning, I tend to avoid late nights because there is never any opportunity to catch up on missed sleep. Which means social life is curtailed. Also things like watching ‘just one more episode’ of something.

Anything really😂just imagine having to dress feed and organise someone who isn't reasonable who sleeps eats and needs changing just when you thought you had them sorted. Its like being in a relationship with your worst nightmare and greatest love😁 it does get easier because after a few years you forget what being childless/free feels like. It becomes your normal.

A lot of the things here are just things you can't do for 3-5 years. The OP asked for things you can't do ever again

Apart from perhaps less spontaneity nothing I didn’t do . When I wanted to do something that didn’t involve a child I just needed to arrange and pay for childcare .

On the