Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My mother came and asked me for more money

176 replies

SheepGoesBaa · 26/07/2019 14:38

I work and earn a wage but no way is it a healthy wage. Rent is out of reach for me for so many places. Unless if I move miles and miles away and rent a room in student accommodation.

A mortgage is out of sight for me.

Anyways I live at home with my mother. There is also another brother (he's a different story and for another thread). Some people might think, living at home, I couldn't possibly understand what the real world is like and I must get my parents to clean and cook for me and do my laundry and pay no bills.

None of that is true. I don't expect my mother to cook or clean for me or to pay my way.

I help at home with paying for bills and other jobs.

Bill's come in and they are split down the middle. She likes to look at my brother and pity him for being male and she's refuses to take even 1 euro off him to pay his share for living at home. So that means, paying bills by half, down the middle between me and her.

It was only in recent times that I finally got through to her and I said to her - I can't afford to keep another adult on the go here indefinitely. I finally got through to her. Bills were finally going three ways. I since learned she was paying his share of the bills.

He despised his job and walked out to start on benefits and to relax for a few months before looking for work again. So bills are now back to two ways again because he doesn't have the money. (my mother wasn't taking a cent of him anyways).

Anyways we have home heating oil for the house. Mother likes to order every three months. Before she used to order 300 euros worth. Within the past year or two she started ordering 400 euros worth and sometimes the delivery man had trouble filling the tank with the amount that she requested and had to return some money.

Mother came to me at the end of May telling me that we will have to order oil again soon. We agreed to order 300 euros worth because its summer time. So I payed my half to my mother.

I was honest to god busy and it went to the back of my mind. My mother came to me this morning, while I was rushing out the door to say that she didn't order the oil yet but she will have to over the next week or so. She has now said that she wants to order 400 euros worth of oil instead of the 300 that we agreed so she wants more of my money to over the oil. She wants me to pay 50 euro more. I told her that I budgeted for 300 euro and I don't have more money. Am I being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
MountPheasant · 26/07/2019 14:40

Move out OP. Move ‘miles and miles away and rent a room in student accommodation’ if that’s what it takes. Let’s see how your mother does without your money to lean on.

ElizaPancakes · 26/07/2019 14:41

If you can afford 150 Euro for oil plus whatever else you pay at you not able to find a lodging situation elsewhere? Will she kick you out if you just don’t pay her?

It doesn’t sound like a tenable situation but if she won’t charge your brother and reduce your outgoings then I’m not sure whether it makes much difference if it’s fair or not.

SagAloojah · 26/07/2019 14:42

YANBU, it’s summer, does it really get that cold? Is she actually using the money on oil do you know?

Can you get a house share? It sounds like a toxic atmosphere with your brother cock-lodging there) or whatever the equivalent term is for a son).

NorthEndGal · 26/07/2019 14:45

It's ok to move miles and miles away, that's what most people do.
You need to get your independence , and start living your own life

Newmumma83 · 26/07/2019 14:45

No your not being unreasonable..... do you pay half the rent too?

Could you afford to share rent of your own place with a friend ?
your mum really isn’t helping your brother grow up and get ready for the real world and your not exactly living cheap as it is you may be better off not
Paying for the food of a 3rd adult and their water / energy usage x

Youngandfree · 26/07/2019 14:49

OP are you in Ireland!? That amount of oil for the summer is RIDICULOUS!!! sure we don’t get any over the summer at all really. I agree with pp’s you need to move into a student house Or a house share ASAP!!

SheepGoesBaa · 26/07/2019 15:04

We don't have the heating on at all this weather. The oil burner is used for heating the water now mainly. Until late autumn/winter time. I wouldn't mind but I don't even have daily showers. I don't have time half of the time to look after myself. Before my brother left his job, he was the one with daily showers and taking forever in the bathroom and not a cent did he pay towards bills.

OP posts:
SheepGoesBaa · 26/07/2019 15:06

Yes I am in Ireland.

OP posts:
DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 26/07/2019 15:07

I think that you would be less stressed and unhappy living in really basic accommodation in a shared house than you are now. It might also be easier to find ways to improve your financial situation because you won't be so stressed and ground down by your home life.
Honestly, make the move. In a year's time you could be looking back at your life now and wondering how you stood it for so long.

SheepGoesBaa · 26/07/2019 15:10

The issue for me here is that we said we will get 300 euros worth of oil and I budgeted for that. Now my mother is turning around and saying she wants 400 euros worth and I need to pay another 50.

Another issue I have is that, I have a break away with my partner next week for a few days. If this was my brother with xyz on, shw wouldn't take a cent of him because of xyz (he doesn't have it, bla, bla, bla).
Its just sexist shit.

OP posts:
TheFlis12345 · 26/07/2019 15:10

Say no. I bet the money would go straight to your brother and not on oil.

CrackOn · 26/07/2019 15:11

Move out, op. Get yourself a room in a house share.

justasking111 · 26/07/2019 15:14

I just knew this was Ireland. Say no, you cannot afford it. Can you move in with your partner and pay him instead of your mother?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/07/2019 15:14

Listen to us OP.

Just move out. Living miles away or in a shitty house share at first is normal.

tashac89 · 26/07/2019 15:16

Missing the point a bit, but is that really how much it costs to heat a house with oil??? My gas, electric and water bills come to less than that combined a month Shock

I would just tell her you budgeted for what was agreed so tough really. And move out.

Fairenuff · 26/07/2019 15:19

You have to move out.

Pinkyyy · 26/07/2019 15:21

In what way is your current arrangement better than moving away and starting your own life?

MyElbowIsItchy · 26/07/2019 15:23

€400 to heat your lazy arsed brother......move out. Use your share to put towards a deposit on a room somewhere.

SheepGoesBaa · 26/07/2019 15:25

Tashac - that would be for 3 to 4 months, maybe even 5 months.

OP posts:
ElPontifico · 26/07/2019 15:26

Another one saying move out.

It's either that or suck up the fact that this stuff is going to carry on happening forever, and probably get worse. Can you make your peace with that? Because neither your mum nor your brother have any incentive to change.

KUGA · 26/07/2019 15:27

Sounds like your brother is a spoilt s..t
Why on earth should you pay to keep him at your mothers,thats her problem not yours.
I agree with others,move out.
your brother and mother may just come onto the real world.
Good luck.

averythinline · 26/07/2019 15:27

do not pay the 50 euro
move
your mother is not going to change
your brother is not going to change

the only thing you can change here is yourself

wildcherries · 26/07/2019 15:28

It is sexist shit, and your mother is not being fair. Your brother is just taking the piss, and your mother is his enabler.

I'd resent this to the high heaven, and I'd resent both of them too. I'd sooner live in student accommodation in this situation. Have a rethink.

Belenus · 26/07/2019 15:28

Move. You cannot change your current situation and you cannot stand it. You're currently paying towards the expense of another adult. Surely a houseshare just for you will be no more expensive?

DonPablo · 26/07/2019 15:29

I'll chime in with move out too. It's the I ly way. Flowers