My mother came and asked me for more money

[SheepGoesBaa]

I work and earn a wage but no way is it a healthy wage. Rent is out of reach for me for so many places. Unless if I move miles and miles away and rent a room in student accommodation.

A mortgage is out of sight for me.

Anyways I live at home with my mother. There is also another brother (he's a different story and for another thread). Some people might think, living at home, I couldn't possibly understand what the real world is like and I must get my parents to clean and cook for me and do my laundry and pay no bills.

None of that is true. I don't expect my mother to cook or clean for me or to pay my way.

I help at home with paying for bills and other jobs.

Bill's come in and they are split down the middle. She likes to look at my brother and pity him for being male and she's refuses to take even 1 euro off him to pay his share for living at home. So that means, paying bills by half, down the middle between me and her.

It was only in recent times that I finally got through to her and I said to her - I can't afford to keep another adult on the go here indefinitely. I finally got through to her. Bills were finally going three ways. I since learned she was paying his share of the bills.

He despised his job and walked out to start on benefits and to relax for a few months before looking for work again. So bills are now back to two ways again because he doesn't have the money. (my mother wasn't taking a cent of him anyways).

Anyways we have home heating oil for the house. Mother likes to order every three months. Before she used to order 300 euros worth. Within the past year or two she started ordering 400 euros worth and sometimes the delivery man had trouble filling the tank with the amount that she requested and had to return some money.

Mother came to me at the end of May telling me that we will have to order oil again soon. We agreed to order 300 euros worth because its summer time. So I payed my half to my mother.

I was honest to god busy and it went to the back of my mind. My mother came to me this morning, while I was rushing out the door to say that she didn't order the oil yet but she will have to over the next week or so. She has now said that she wants to order 400 euros worth of oil instead of the 300 that we agreed so she wants more of my money to over the oil. She wants me to pay 50 euro more. I told her that I budgeted for 300 euro and I don't have more money. Am I being unreasonable here?

How are you working 90 houesy a week yet struggling to pay bills only?!

Scotland is lovely, not sure what brexit has do with it, it has not happened yet.

90 hours was just a once off last week where I was a live in, working morning til night for 8 days.

Its usually less than this.

I think with brexit the UK will see a recession and the pound will be very, very weak and I think its likely the uks economy will tank. Going abroad, away from Ireland and into the UK, it definitely won't be the answer if brexit continues to happen.

Sheep you are skint now, even if brexit does cause some problems, Scotland is fairly insulated against it as is Wales, you can always go home to Ireland they`ll not stop you at the ferry gate girl.

This thread makes for very frustrating reading. As I said upthread, I'm Irish and understand the dynamic, but honestly - and I do mean this nicely - you're coming up with excuse after excuse! Even Brexit!!!! Scotland would be somewhere new and exciting. You're looking for a solution that doesn't exist so either you make changes or this will be your life forever.

Can someone confirm minimum wage in Ireland? Because google says 1600 euro on full time?

Do you know there are so many irish bars and pubs in Glasgow, google them and apply for work there. They would be interested I would say.

9.80 eur per hour?

The reason that you don't have any spare money or savings - which you should have by now - is that your mother and brother are siphoning it off you!!! Your mother watches what you spend and makes you feel guilty and then she watches when you work longer hours and calcullates what you would have earned.
As long as you keep putting up with this - you will never be free of them. You will never be able to afford to live your own life and your self esteem will be too battered to get a better paid job.
Sure, looking for something else is a drag, but your freedom and independence is Worth the effort.
Even six months on, you will be able to budget and start saving for your future, or start getting some extra qualifications. There are registered nanny agencies with jobs where you could live in and save your wages. Even if you just did this for six months. You could tell your family its temporary to cool the drama, but that would be six months of repairing your self esteem and making plans for your future.
Go find out about Scotland now. It won't be difficult for Irish citizens whatever happens with Brexit. You have the internet. It's all there for you to find a new route.

Look at the jobs here.

www.glendolacareers.co.uk/pubs-and-music-venues/waxy-oconnors-glasgow-g2-1dh

Yeah 9.80 an hour. So if the op is working 38 hours a week she will be taking home €1,500 a month, rounded up slightly.
She is only paying 50% of bills with no rent to pay, no children to pay for.
It's her mother I feel sorry for.

@Howyiz thank you. I honestly wanted to check just to male sure I get it, because from OP's posts it sounded like the wage is half of that.

Also. Wowza at rents in Dublin

What would happen if you packed in your job for a rest?
Either your brother gets a job and pays his share or you will pay one third and do strictly one third of the chores and she can sort the shortfall.
Tell her no. 300 is what you budgeted for and if she wants to add another 100 then get the 50 off your brother from his benefits.

So just tell your mum that you are not going to give her the money she's demanding for heating oil as

1. It is not fair that you pay half as 3 adults are living there and
2. There is no way that she needs to buy so much oil for these summer months

I'd just offer 100 euro and stick to your guns, not a cent more.

There are lots of live-in jobs in Europe OP, time to fly the nest.

This came up on my Facebook earlier. It's an example of a rental here in Dublin. Nearly 600 euro a month for a bed in one room sharing with two other strangers.

She's not doing your brother any favours what so ever. Is there any other family or friends you could live with?
I think you need to stand your ground. 3 adults everything 3 ways. You are not responsible for your brother. Time he got himself another job!

Yeah rent is crazy in Dublin City but no where near as bad out of that city.
There is also loads of work in bars etc where you would earn minimum wage plus tips.
You just have to be prepared to work hard, which it doesn't sound like the op is willing to do.

Live in nanny Scotland. A few jobs here.

www.indeed.co.uk/jobs?q=nanny&l=Glasgow%2C+Glasgow&radius=100

Yeah but you know that's just one particularly bad example. I'm from Dublin and I know you can do way better than that - those high prices are for short term lets in particular and are aimed at students or people without visas or permission to be in the country long term. What you get for the crazy high price is that the landlord won't check your residency status (which they are required to do).

South side:

www.daft.ie/dublin/house-share/dublin-2/adelaide-road-dublin-2-dublin-1094315/

North side:

www.daft.ie/dublin/flat-to-share/phibsborough/north-circular-road-phibsborough-dublin-1082771/

www.daft.ie/dublin/house-share/drumcondra/51-russell-ave-off-croke-park-drumcondra-dublin-1099491/

Go out to Rathfarnham, Knocklyon etc or Santry on the North side and rents go down a bit.

Honestly - it seems as though you're looking for a moan here. Yes, Dublin is crazy expensive, but you have to cut your cloth etc. You can't stay a childminder and hope to live in a place of your own in Dublin. One has to give. If you're living at home with your Mam, retrain in something at least, and up your game to match the rent you know you'll need to hit. I did a search for rents under 650 a month, but if you tip into 700 - 800 a month fr a flat share you get quite nice places.

I take it the boyfriend isn't quite living together material yet?

Even so, you'd need to be able to keep up with half of about 1500 - 1800 a month.

Take this time to retrain, stick to your guns with your Mam about contributions and plan to be out in 2 years.

How old are you?

This came up on my Facebook earlier. It's an example of a rental here in Dublin. Nearly 600 euro a month for a bed in one room sharing with two other strangers.

They'll probably be nicer to live with than your mum and your brother and they won't leach off you, so there is that.

My Dad was looking to buy a small 1 bed investment flat around Dublin 1/Financial Services Centre last year, and he viewed about 10 flats, and the rents were all pretty consistent (1200 a month-ish).

But one of them he went to see and it was the same as the others (all around 190k) and the tenants were there, 4 young women from China, who cheerfully told him that it was a lovely flat, they were sorry to leave as they knew the landlady and she was lovely - AND they were paying 2200 a month in rent, so clearly the flat was a great investment!!!

My Dad was a bit because they were paying twice the market rate - mainly because the landlady was "kindly" not checking their residency status.

(He gave up in the end - everything in his price range was too grim and he couldn't see rents/prices remaining that high for very long.)

Have you posted about your situation before OP? It all sounds v familiar.

If you are the poster I'm thinking of, then the advice is exactly the same on this thread as it was on the previous ones. You.need.to.move.out.

Nothing and nobody can change your situation except you.

Tell her if she wants extra your brother should come up with it. Tell her if he gets benefits he can at least put something in. Your not responsible for his share. You should drop to only paying a third and say he gets a job and pays his way or he should have to move out. You would pay half if only the 2 of you because there would be less used but his free loader and she's enabling him to be lazy. Why should your mother charge you and not him and why should you be expected to support him as he is not your child.

You’v been posting about this for years, OP. I think you like the misery.