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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Pissed off at lack of support on family holiday

509 replies

Belleende · 26/07/2019 07:14

Some background. I am the youngest of 4 siblings. We are currently on a family holiday with my parents. I have 2 kids, 4 yo and 20 month old. The rest of the kids are all 10 and older.

Myself and DP have zero family support around, so very rarely go out, and as our 2 are vv early risers never get a lie in. This holiday has been particularly bad with neither of them sleeping well. I have been getting 2 to 4 hours sleep a night, with 2 totally sleepless nights. I have been on my knees.

In the time we have been here my siblings have offered only once to mind the kids so me and DP could go out and even then only after we had put them to bed. We have not been invited to any group activities. No one has even come to the beach with us.

Before my own kids came along I babysat regularly for both my sisters, have supported them unstintingly, dug my eldest sister out of numerous holes (including collecting her kids from the airport this trip just hours after we had arrived).

The final straw came last night when I discovered that everyone has booked a day trip today that is totally not suitable for my two, and it is our last day here.

AIBU to let rip and put a dampener on the last day of the holiday, or do I just quietly withdraw?

OP posts:

Alienspaceship · 26/07/2019 07:16

Let rip. I would.

Finfintytint · 26/07/2019 07:17

Leave them to it and look forward to going home.
Not everyone wants to babysit on holidays.

Maniak · 26/07/2019 07:18

Yes, speak up.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 26/07/2019 07:18

Let rip

ThanosSavedMe · 26/07/2019 07:18

I’d let rip too. And then don’t go on holiday with them ever again. Sorry you’ve had a bad time.

RobinHobb · 26/07/2019 07:19

Yes let rip
I have similar with in laws not family and i really get it. Ours are same age (22months and almost 4) and the other kids are over 10.
I didn't baby sit etc for them when they were younger because I wasn't around but... even so, it's such a dickish thing to do.

lastqueenofscotland · 26/07/2019 07:19

Had they offered to help with yours before you agreed to go... I think expecting help is a bit odd. I understand about the trip though, that’s shitty

MeYouWye · 26/07/2019 07:19

You will have lots of people say your kids your responsibility but no I don't think yabu. My sister would help with my kids on a family holiday (brothers wouldn't but prob wouldn't trust them too anyway). What's the point of a family holiday if not to spend some of the time together.

Happyspud · 26/07/2019 07:19

Yep let rip. They’re not really being like family:( I guess you’ll know not to go with them again.

73Sunglasslover · 26/07/2019 07:20

Did you ever babysit for them while on hols or give up holiday days you wanted to do to accommodate their children? Do they support at all when at home? If yes to both I would just think this is them enjoying their break.

isitsummeryet1 · 26/07/2019 07:20

I've been on numerous family holidays, once as a single mum of a two year old, and never has anyone offered to have or help with my kids. And I don't expect them to, it's their holiday too and one I chose to go on. If no one helps when you're at home, why would you expect them to help on holiday? And why should they not do activities just because you can't? They're you're kids, you have to look after them.

Karwomannghia · 26/07/2019 07:20

The lie ins I think you have to sort between the 2 of you, I don’t think you could ask a sibling to do that. But you and your dh need to alternate. I also think 1 night out is enough, just going off what I’ve had when on holiday with family. In fact I’ve often had nothing.
Why can’t you do the day trip? Were you not there when they were talking about it?

Original poster

Belleende · 26/07/2019 07:22

When we did a similar holiday when my sister's kids were the same age as mine, i took her eldest for a day trip to a nearby city and took her to the park/beach daily.

OP posts:

Swellerellamoo · 26/07/2019 07:23

Sorry it's been so rough.
No don't let rip - you're tired and tearful. Have a lovely day with your DC and dp in the villa in peace and quiet.

It sounds like you generally have a good relationship with your siblings- why not choose a better time at home to say - you know what that was really hard for me I'd have loved some help.
As the kids get older holidays get easier if that's any consolation.

Original poster

Belleende · 26/07/2019 07:23

Day trip is to a place that is not buggy friendly, a place I would dearly love to go.

OP posts:

Karwomannghia · 26/07/2019 07:23

They should be doing activities suitable for everyone.

NancyJoan · 26/07/2019 07:24

How are the days arranged to leave you out? Are you suggesting activities, or just hoping they will join you? It seems very strange for your parents to want a family holiday but not want to do things all together.

Karwomannghia · 26/07/2019 07:24

Can you use a sling? We’ve done several days to various places not buggy friendly as we have 2 much older children and the sling is great.

AJPTaylor · 26/07/2019 07:24

Don't let rip. Get home and remember never to do this again.

Frazzled2207 · 26/07/2019 07:25

Oh dear that is rubbish. Yanbu at all. I suffered five years of crappy sleep sort of came out the other side (kids 4 and 6 now) and do know what it's like yes.

I would make it absolutely clear what you think, yes

Preggosaurus9 · 26/07/2019 07:25

Your sister's being a twat. You helped her out in the past and now the tables are turned she doesn't want to know. I'd be asking her flat out what her beef is.

mrscampbellblackagain · 26/07/2019 07:25

But your siblings have their own children as well to look after and older children won't necessarily want to do what a toddler would.

It sounds like you all have different expectations of your holiday. I wouldn't say anything today but wouldn't do a joint holiday again as you all clearly want different things from it.

AuntieMarys · 26/07/2019 07:27

Have you asked for help?

BertrandRussell · 26/07/2019 07:28

How were the activities arranged? Did you all sit down at the beginning of the holidays and plan things?

But yes, I think one of the good things about a family holiday is a bit of swapping around of children. Didn’t the older ones play with yours at all? That’s what I would expect.

Noloudnoises · 26/07/2019 07:30

Oooh I would totally let rip, in a calm, collected way so you don't look too stroppy. Otherwise it would fester and I would seethe for months!

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