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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a go at DH for being mins late

488 replies

Chickpea99 · 25/07/2019 21:04

So I was amongst unlucky train commuters today and spent 2,5 hours in three trains - overcrowden, insanely hot.
On last leg of journey called DH and told exact time to pick me up. Actually told to come few mins earlier.
I finally arrived - and surprise - DH is not there.
We live 3mins drive from station.
He artives 8mins after I arrived at station. On my question what took him so long I receive cold ‘sorry’ and he says he was vacuuming a car at petrol station.
So he decided that vacuuming car was the top priority and also he did not bother to notify me he is running late.
I had a go at him as it is not first time. He has no sense of urgency and although 8mins is not horribly long, what angers me is attitude.
He says if he wouldnt vacuum the car - theI would be angry. So basically pushing it back on me.
I can not say how angry I am and basically this is going to ruin my weekend - as I can not talk to him atm.

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/07/2019 21:45

Would you have been annoyed if the car hadn’t been hoovered?

kmammamalto · 25/07/2019 21:46

Ruin your weekend!?! But it's only Thursday! 😮

Constance1234 · 25/07/2019 21:46

Eek op, you may have been hot and bothered, but you owe your husband a huge apology. Your reaction, and saying this will ruin your (and presumably his) weekend is the kind of behaviour that can chip away at the foundations of a marriage.

PawPawNoodle · 25/07/2019 21:47

Vacuuming a car isn't a 5 minute job if it's being done properly, maybe he was already doing it and didnt want to drop everything just because Mistress Chickpea99 wanted collecting at precisely 5:34pm. I'm also assuming you didn't want him to text and drive as he rushed immediately to be at your back and call.

I hope you apologise, and if you still don't think you have anything to be sorry for I hope he spends the weekend reconsidering your relationship.

00100001 · 25/07/2019 21:47

". I can't abide lateness, no matter the circumstances."

I very much doubt you have never been late for anything in your entire life....

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 25/07/2019 21:48

Its Thursday,how will it ruin your weekend?

Iggly · 25/07/2019 21:49

It’s a bit fucking random to vacuum the car on the way to collecting someone - when it makes you late?

Unless of course you’d insisted he vacuum the car and he hasn’t done it.

I get you OP. Instead of your dh thinking “ah yes, I need to collect wife, she’s probably hot and bothered and needs to get home for some gin, he’s actually thought I’ll vacuum the car first instead).

I’m guessing he has form for being thoughtless and that’s why this pisses you off so much.

maloofhoof · 25/07/2019 21:50

@00100001 not that I can ever recall, no. It's rude and sends a clear "my time is more important than yours" message. So I'm guessing you think it's ok to keep people waiting. I don't think it's ok.

wildcherries · 25/07/2019 21:51

This has to be a windup or heatstroke. He hoovered the car and picked you up. He doesn't deserve a medal (obviously) but he certainly doesn't deserve this either. I'd have given you "a cold 'sorry'", too.

Massive overreaction.

SilverySurfer · 25/07/2019 21:52

Utterly pathetic - that would be the last time I ever picked you up.

heath48 · 25/07/2019 21:53

Your husband is not your slave,poor man.

You owe him an apology.Perhaps he is fed up of you,I would be.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 25/07/2019 21:53

I think you are being v.v unreasonable.

DD came home from visiting family this lunchtime. She had been on London travelling on trains and tubes for several hours and walked the mile home from our local station with her rucksack and wheely case. I had told her that I would pick her up if she let me know roughly what time her train was due in (trains running “not to timetable due to exceptional hot weather”) but she walked as she “didn’t want to bother me”. When my DH came to pick me up from work on Tuesday (he’d needed the car and I was working unexpectedly) he came when he could and I just waited (with an ice cream from the local shop). You sound a little self centred OP.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 25/07/2019 21:53

Is it usual for petrol stations to have vacuum cleaning facilities??? Well I never! Learn something new every day!!

This would have annoyed me too in years past, given it is a very hot day and the trains have looked like hell on Earth today. Would probably have been on the verge of a panic attack so I don’t really blame you for feeling that way. I would have acknowledged that those feelings are unreasonable thought - but still would have felt that way! Don’t let it ruin your weekend! Hope you have a good night’s sleep!

00100001 · 25/07/2019 21:56

"not that I can ever recall, no"

What bollocks.

I'm "never" late either.

Except I am, when I can't help the fact that some driver crashed into another car, and the only road to work was blocked for 45 minutes before traffic was moving. I was late for work....

Youwantshoesinashoeshop · 25/07/2019 21:57

I have some sympathy. Someone being perennially 10 or 15 minutes late is really, really annoying if you are a punctual person. It also matters that he knew you were tired and very hot but was still late.
I dont think you should let it ruin your weekend, that is going a bit far, but it sucks when other people keep you hanging around for them.

00100001 · 25/07/2019 21:57

How was that, in anyway rude or giving the attitude of "my time is more important"?

nespressowoo · 25/07/2019 21:59

This is crazy. You are crazy. Is the hot weather sending you do-lally? YABVVVVVU

You are also being VVVVU to let it ruin your weekend. Life is too short.

Youwantshoesinashoeshop · 25/07/2019 21:59

Agree with Iggly. Exactly it.

TitianaTitsling · 25/07/2019 21:59

This is the 2nd post I've seen this evening where an OPs behaviour to her DP/H is bordering on the ridiculous!!

Catsandchardonnay · 25/07/2019 21:59

YANBU. That would’ve annoyed me too. You’ve had a shit journey, you want to get home ASAP. DH says he’ll pick you up but doesn’t care enough to get there on time. Don’t blame you for being narked.

xyzandabc · 25/07/2019 22:01

You can't change what happened, the only thing you can change or control is your reaction to what happened.

Are you seriously going to let 8 minutes on a Thursday evening ruin your entire weekend, so 8 minutes ruins the next 72 hours??? That is a very disproportionate reaction.

It was hot, you had bags, it was a horrid journey but none of those things were the fault of your DH. He was 8 minutes late, no-one died, he still came to collect you and you were still home in more comfort and sooner than if you'd had to walk. It's really not worth ruining a whole weekend over.

bettydaviseyes1 · 25/07/2019 22:02

Wise.up. seriously is 8 minutes late worth all this unhappiness and falling out? Will it matter in a week nevermind a year from now?

ladybirdsarelovely33 · 25/07/2019 22:02

As Iggly said. I bet the DH has form for this. It wouldn't have been a one off.

maloofhoof · 25/07/2019 22:02

@00100001 what are you not understanding? You don't understand how being late is rude
And no, it's not bollocks. I'm not a late person. You either are or you aren't. I don't keep people waiting because it's rude. People that do, are rude. It's quite simple. And it's clear from the OP that he's often late. Hence her annoyance.

notmuchmoretogive · 25/07/2019 22:05

I can understand you being grouchy after long journey and heat but to let it ruin your weekend?

I think you might need to get some help.

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