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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a go at DH for being mins late

488 replies

Chickpea99 · 25/07/2019 21:04

So I was amongst unlucky train commuters today and spent 2,5 hours in three trains - overcrowden, insanely hot.
On last leg of journey called DH and told exact time to pick me up. Actually told to come few mins earlier.
I finally arrived - and surprise - DH is not there.
We live 3mins drive from station.
He artives 8mins after I arrived at station. On my question what took him so long I receive cold ‘sorry’ and he says he was vacuuming a car at petrol station.
So he decided that vacuuming car was the top priority and also he did not bother to notify me he is running late.
I had a go at him as it is not first time. He has no sense of urgency and although 8mins is not horribly long, what angers me is attitude.
He says if he wouldnt vacuum the car - theI would be angry. So basically pushing it back on me.
I can not say how angry I am and basically this is going to ruin my weekend - as I can not talk to him atm.

OP posts:
NeckPainChairSearch · 25/07/2019 22:37

Being late is rude full stop

...and yet sometimes, it's not, as several posters have pointed out.

Derbee · 25/07/2019 22:37

If your lift being 8 minutes late can ruin your weekend, you have a very lovely life.

Your poor DH on the other hand....

maloofhoof · 25/07/2019 22:38

@justasking111 once again, this isn't about dinner parties. Where did I say anything about being late for dinner parties being rude ffs

TSSDNCOP · 25/07/2019 22:38

I had a horrid day in a non air con loft office. I walked the equivalent 3 minute drive home because a) I’m not a princess b) I’m not a lazy wanker c) that pesky fucking climate change

Everyone’s hot, you haven’t cornered the market. Tosser.

NeckPainChairSearch · 25/07/2019 22:38

we're not discussing dinner parties?!

...and yet you've mentioned work, interviews, GP/hospital appointments, dinner reservations, meeting up with friends.

Just not dinner parties then.

maloofhoof · 25/07/2019 22:39

@NeckPainChairSearch what other circumstances is it ok to be late?

CatInADoghouse · 25/07/2019 22:40

@maloofhoof by your own standards OP was late therefore being rude to her DH. The weather was hot, the train was late...all excuses apparently. If you were in that train would you have arrived on time? Would you have foreseen the 2.5 half hour delay and left work that early to arrive on time? What a crock of shit!! Grin

rainydaysmum · 25/07/2019 22:40

I would also be annoyed. Sorry you're getting such a hard time on here. Unless I've read it wrong, he knew when to collect you, and in order to get there at the same time as you he had to leave home 3 minutes before your train got in. He didn't leave until 5 minutes after your train got in (or he did, but vacuumed en route). Especially in this heat I would not be happy. But don't let it ruin your whole weekend.

NeckPainChairSearch · 25/07/2019 22:41

what other circumstances is it ok to be late?

Why do you need this? Confused I'm merely one of the posters who gave you an example of an occasion that it's more polite to be late for.

You sound cross that people disagree with you, I really can't help you with that.

maloofhoof · 25/07/2019 22:41

@NeckPainChairSearch erm because dinner parties are probably the only socially acceptable events where you're meant to not be on time? It's not hard to fathom out is it?!

fabulous01 · 25/07/2019 22:42

I used to commute and this heat and underground and trains is horrendous.
I also would have expected DH to be there waiting as the commute is horrendous.
All I wanted was a bit of understanding and a shower
I started to say why different trains so that he could be arsed to be on time

Hope you got home and put your feet up and had a cold shower
Hope your commute tomorrow is better

Teacakeandalatte · 25/07/2019 22:42

Being a few minutes late is a little annoying but when you are doing someone a favour by giving them a lift they should suck it up with good grace.

jadeyfly · 25/07/2019 22:43

This has to be a reverse surely!?
No one is this OTT and anal

NeckPainChairSearch · 25/07/2019 22:43

erm because dinner parties are probably the only socially acceptable events where you're meant to not be on time?

Excellent that you think that, all fine with me. No axe to grind here.

Starlight456 · 25/07/2019 22:44

Yabu .. be grateful he picked you up at all . If that was your attitude when I picked you up I would tell you to walk next time

Lind57 · 25/07/2019 22:44

But people can be late for all sorts of reasons that are nothing to do with rudeness. I agree that it's nice to be punctual, but shit happens. It's not normally the end of the world. Annoyance that lasts an entire weekend over someone being 8 minutes late is completely disproportionate.

maloofhoof · 25/07/2019 22:44

@NeckPainChairSearch I'm not cross at all. I find it odd that on this post being late isn't seen as bad form. When in the real world it really is.

AE18 · 25/07/2019 22:45

This sort of thing is annoying but you are overreacting. A short "it's annoying that you're always late to pick me up" and then move on would have sufficed, it's extreme to hold a grudge all weekend.

ginandnappies · 25/07/2019 22:46

Hahah OP you're life must be so unbelievably simple if this is what can ruin your weekend.

Sunburntnoseandears · 25/07/2019 22:46

Unless you name starts with HRH you didn't need the car valeted pre pick up..
I was also stuck at a station today in 34 degrees..
With 4 x dc.
My dh would have had his balls chopped in your dh's shoes...

Isatis · 25/07/2019 22:47

You "told" him to collect you? What happened to asking nicely?

If he was in the process of vacuuming the car when you called, it's perfectly reasonable to finish. It'll hardly kill you to wait under 10 minutes.

maloofhoof · 25/07/2019 22:47

@CatInADoghouse well that's the whole point isn't it. She kept him informed of her journey. That's all he needed to do, respond and say when he was going to arrive if he had something to do on the way. You're taking things literally which is batshit

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 25/07/2019 22:48

You don't understand how being late is rude

I am never late by my own volition BUT... I have been caught in a huge tailback on the M25 where a fatal accident caused the road to be closed and me to be stuck, not moving, for nearly two hours. I have been on a train which was stopped an hour due to “trespassers on the line”.

I find it hard to believe that anyone had absolutely NEVER been late for ANYTHING EVER......

TheRLodger · 25/07/2019 22:49

Oh please. I’ve regularly throughout my life had to carry more than two sizeable bags.
Be it shopping including milk and potatoes etc (before online shopping) luggage after a term of uni, sports kits.
I know it’s been hot but 3 min in heat like today is surely a lot better than torrential rain.
Yabu and sound v precious

Beautiful3 · 25/07/2019 22:49

Think an 8 minute wait is ok. I used to live a 15 minute walk away from the station, and never asked for a lift home.