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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a go at DH for being mins late

488 replies

Chickpea99 · 25/07/2019 21:04

So I was amongst unlucky train commuters today and spent 2,5 hours in three trains - overcrowden, insanely hot.
On last leg of journey called DH and told exact time to pick me up. Actually told to come few mins earlier.
I finally arrived - and surprise - DH is not there.
We live 3mins drive from station.
He artives 8mins after I arrived at station. On my question what took him so long I receive cold ‘sorry’ and he says he was vacuuming a car at petrol station.
So he decided that vacuuming car was the top priority and also he did not bother to notify me he is running late.
I had a go at him as it is not first time. He has no sense of urgency and although 8mins is not horribly long, what angers me is attitude.
He says if he wouldnt vacuum the car - theI would be angry. So basically pushing it back on me.
I can not say how angry I am and basically this is going to ruin my weekend - as I can not talk to him atm.

OP posts:
Gottoloveabagel · 25/07/2019 21:17

I think you are getting a bit of a hard time here as I'd be annoyed too as this wasn't the first time, he knew you'd have been hot and bothered and he really didn't need to vacuum the car!

So unless you've form for shouting about an unclean car then I think you are ok to be a bit pissed off!!

Lazypuppy · 25/07/2019 21:19

If you only live 3min drive away from the station i'd have just told you to walk

Napqueen1234 · 25/07/2019 21:20

YABU. Think of the environment and walk! And be grateful for the albeit 8 min late lift he didn’t need to do that. I think its just another annoyance after a hot stressful day but seriously chill out!

Merryoldgoat · 25/07/2019 21:20

Well, a 3 min drive is prob about 1-1.5 miles so I wouldn’t want to walk it after that shitty journey.

But YABVU to complain about waiting 8 minutes. If this is typical behaviour from you think about an adjustment.

LoudBatPerson · 25/07/2019 21:21

Assuming you are able to do the walk home with it causing you problems, I think you are being unreasonable.

I imagine the heat has just made you very grouchy and waiting for him was the straw that broke the camels back, but it does sound like you have been absolutely awful to him for the sake of a few minutes.

I am also guessing there is some backstory to the car as I doubt anyone was at a garage hovering a car in this heat for fun. Do you have a tendency to moan about the car not being kept clean or had you made a fuss about our husband needing to clean it out?

mollibu · 25/07/2019 21:22

8 minutes?!!!?? LTB. Right now.

Get a grip, OPHmm

CrazyToast · 25/07/2019 21:22

I've had a 4 hour nightmare getting home today so I feel your pain. It would be annoying that he wasnt there but probably best just to shower, rest and chill and see how you feel. Unless there is a history of him being inconsiderate which is fuelling your rage, it might just be the awful journey home making you feel awful.

frami · 25/07/2019 21:23

8 minutes late for 3 minute journey - get a grip.
In my household you would be told to walk, probably followed by a lecture on saving the planet etc.

00100001 · 25/07/2019 21:23

"I think you are getting a bit of a hard time here as I'd be annoyed too as this wasn't the first time, he knew you'd have been hot and bothered and he really didn't need to vacuum the car! "

She's getting a hard time because she's being a twat.

8 minutes wait is perfectly acceptable. There might have been heavy traffic or anything.

But he was 8 minutes "late" because he thought she'd get angry because the car wasn't hoovered. OP is clearly hardwork!

As PP said, if this was a man writing this, Jed get his arse handed to him! Just like the OP is....

PullingMySocksUp · 25/07/2019 21:23

Neither DH nor I would leave the other waiting for longer than needed unless there was a good reason. So I don’t think you WBU.

RosaWaiting · 25/07/2019 21:24

OP, after being stuck in that train business, i agree, he should have made you the priority!

Original poster
Chickpea99 · 25/07/2019 21:25

Did not want to dripfeed, but forgot to mention that I had 2 bags (full backpack and a luggage) with me, so could not walk.
I would be happy to wait in any other circumstances, but if someone can not plan their time and not let me know - that drives me mad.
I know - I suppose its about principle, as I am very punctual myself.
I envy you all that you can take it easy. Im still fuming tbh :).
Thank you opinions anyways.

OP posts:
SagAloojah · 25/07/2019 21:26

You ‘told’ him to pick you up? Is he your chauffeur?

I suspect there will be a reason/drip feed why you get to tell him to pick you up but it should have been in your OP because without it you just sound like a controlling and angry person.

LEELULUMPKIN · 25/07/2019 21:26

And I wonder why there is so much divorce and separation. You sound a bloody nightmare OP. Then to start a thread about it too.

itscliffmas · 25/07/2019 21:27

Wow! Ruin your weekend? Are you serious??

You have some serious issues.

YABU btw

mumto2teenagers · 25/07/2019 21:27

I think you are overreacting. He was a few mins late, I could understand you being annoying if you had to wait ages, but 8 mins.

SagAloojah · 25/07/2019 21:27

Even if you have luggage you don’t get to tell him to pick you up. You ask him politely or you get a taxi. I feel sorry for him.

00100001 · 25/07/2019 21:28

Sorry OP, but you sound like a prize twat still.

He was late because he thought you'd be angry with him for not hoovering the car... !
Why should he be afraid of your reaction to things like that??

Kanga83 · 25/07/2019 21:28

You need to get a bloody grip. Have a glass of wine, a shower and then go apologise to him. Commuting is hell, I've been there, add in heat and delays and it's double hell but seriously, get a grip.

00100001 · 25/07/2019 21:29

And you're going to stew on this for the entire weekend??!

Get a grip.

Benes · 25/07/2019 21:30

Wow. This is going to ruin your weekend??

I envy your stress free life if this is the sort of thing that causes so much rage.

It's really not a big deal 🤷

CherryPavlova · 25/07/2019 21:31

If you had been my husband having a strop, I’d probably have driven off when you started moaning for no real reason. Life’s too short and it’s yourself you’ll make unhappy.

lastqueenofscotland · 25/07/2019 21:31

You sound fucking awful.

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered · 25/07/2019 21:33

I'd have been annoyed too. I would have been waiting for my partner ready to help them with luggage and give them a cold drink after a shitty journey. Bet no tea was sorted either

flouncyfanny · 25/07/2019 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.